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What to do


PamJamzz21

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My ex broke up with me two days before Christmas. "Because all we did was argue and it was making him miserable". I said mean things to him. He blocked me. Unblocked me a few days later. I sent him emails telling him I was sorry. I was. He sent me a msg offering his friendship. We try the friends thing. Well today I decided to spice things up by sending him a random text asking for coffee and sex. He was soo confused. Wanted to yet didn't. Then I asked him if it would be ok if I hooked up with someone else since were just friends now. That pissed him off and apparently depressed him. I admitted to him that I just wanted to see what he'd say. What the hell though? He doesn't want to be with me, yet he'll have sex with me & doesn't want me to be with anyone else. All I want is for him to be sure that he wants to be with me. But he's not sure. & I'm hurting him. But It was his decision? I don't know what to do. I can't stop talking to him. Last night I told him we shouldn't talk. But I received some good news about something and messaged him. He's so weird though- he's like "we can do whatever you want to do".... Regarding our friendship establishment and when we talk ad how often and If it's appropriate to hang out and stuff like that. I just don't know. Advice?

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Just stop. You're torturing him. Just because you're no longer together, doesn't mean you should go have sex with other people right away. That's incredibly disrespectful to the other person because it makes them feel like the relationship didn't mean anything to you. There are certainly far more effective methods to see if you guys can work things out. Even if you said those things to test him, it's not something you do.

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I understand that & I absolutely have no interest in being with anyone else. I just wanted to see what he'd say. Infact, I'm seriously considering living a life of celibacy- we argued about that also-. I just can't stop talking to him. When he first broke it off I was completely devastated. But he's still in my life. It's hard for me. He says it hard for him. But what is the pout of being friends? My only motive in that would be for us to get back together which he says is a possibility. I don't want to waste my time and energy just to be hurt again in the future.

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Since you just broke up, i think it's better to go a period of time without talking. let the dust settle, don't antagonize each other. If you want to be friends one day, great, but it's not going to happen now. You guys aren't good together. leave him alone for now and focus on yourself. (Certainly don't ask for permission to sleep with other men!!! )

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Wait didn't you just break up because you wanted to live a life of celibacy and "be a better Christain". Now you're taunting him by offering him casual sex and threatening to hook up with other guys just to make him squirm??

Honey that is cruel to the core. You need to let him be. He doesn't deserve to be on your rollercoaster.

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I wasn't threatening. Just wanted to see what his view was on the issue & test him. I have no interest in having sex with anyone. Just wanted to see if he still cared, because his actions showed otherwise. But Yeah, I agree it was cruel. I don't feel good about it. I just don't understand him. Why break it off, yet still want me in your life and not be with anyone? It's like he's not happy with me, but he's not happy without me.

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I wasn't threatening. Just wanted to see what his view was on the issue & test him. I have no interest in having sex with anyone. Just wanted to see if he still cared, because his actions showed otherwise. But Yeah, I agree it was cruel. I don't feel good about it. I just don't understand him. Why break it off, yet still want me in your life and not be with anyone? It's like he's not happy with me, but he's not happy without me.

 

He realizes this isn't healthy and doesn't want to be subject to anymore tests or cruelty. When you break up with someone you may very well still care for them (it takes time to heal) but you realize its just not a healthy person for you to be with. With all your games, you are not a healthy choice for him. You have decided to pursue a celibate life to "be a better Christian"...do you think jerking him around and telling him you're gonna sleep with someone else instead falls under "better Christian"??

Let him be. He needs time and space to heal and you need time and space to figure yourself out.

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Stop the game playing and stop trying to look for understanding and insight into his mind. It never gets anyone anywhere and you'll never find the answers you want. Accept he broke up with you, and you probably lost and chance you had of him in your life period even as a friend. You probably lost him because he didnt feel like you understood or respected him and what he was going through in the relationship. You're still making him feel that way with your game playing.

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