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Is he shy or just not that into me


auroracl

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Hi guys, basically I've been on 4 dates with this guy and so far everything's been great. He's super smart but also super shy - we haven't even kissed. We have great conversations on our dates but we don't really talk / text throughout the week apart from planning the dates. I have texted him to say good luck on some of the things he's doing and he always replies and proceed to planning another date. After we set the date and stuff we don't really talk until we see each other again. Then after dates I'm usually the one to text first (I usually just say thanks I had fun), then he'll reply that he did too and plan another date (if we haven't already).

 

All this is fine (great actually) since I'm an awful texter (I over analyze way too much) and much prefer face-to-face interaction, which we've had almost every week since we met a month ago. But we're both in college (not the same one) and it's winter break, and we won't see each other until really late January . I initiated conversation by sending him a video a little less than week ago and we had a mini conversation over facebook chat, which ended when I got on the plane. He said safe flight, and when I got home I just said "Thanks, I'm home!" and he didn't reply.

 

I saw an article he'll like today and I want to send it to him. Is it fine, given that he is a shy person, that I'm always the one initiating the "in-between-dates" conversation? I'd love to hear about his life in between, especially this time since I'm not gonna see him for a while, but I don't know if he's shy or just not that into me.

 

What do you guys think? Any input is much appreciated thanks!

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I think that I wouldn't continue initiating. Sure, he's shy but you've initiated so many times that, by now, he knows you're into him. Btw, not replying to texts (like your text about being at home) isn't shy, it's inconsiderate in my book. It seems like he's fine with minimum communication.

Has he expressed a romantic interest in you in any way?

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Not explicitly. I just assumed since he always insists on paying for everything (I don't think a guy would do that for a friend), and I was his date to his formal, but yeah that confuses me coz I don't know if he's not romantically interested or just taking it slow (which I really like)...or shy.

 

I'm not that bothered by his not replying to that text though. It certainly be seen as inconsiderate, but I myself used to do that all the time when I first started seeing my ex - not because but because I didn't want to talk to him but because I couldn't come up with a reply that I thought he would find interesting / engaging / can continue the conversation (I know this is ridic but I'm truly awful at non-face-to-face communication), so it can be that too.

 

Would you say he's just not into me? Or just doesn't like communication?

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You have an obligation to yourself to live your life to the fullest, nobody else can do this for you.

 

I would ask him where he sees the friendship going as there as you would like to know how he feels, this happened to me recently and I got confused and lost the woman I really really liked because of my shyness. My shyness made me very wary of people trying to get close, it's not that I did want that I was just scared to open up. He could be feeling the same but this is your life and you have a right to have your friends be honest with you.

 

Keep it simple and be honest about your feelings so he cannot misunderstand what you are saying.

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I'm liking him more and more. I do want it to happen coz he's one of the nicest, most respectful and intelligent people I've met and he laughs at my jokes like no other which makes me feel good. It's a great and much-needed change from the guy I dated the whole of last year. However I wouldn't be devastated if it didn't work out.

 

I don't mind doing the work, I just don't want to act on my instincts if I'm being delusional.

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Well....he does the date planning right? I would take that as interest. However, it's quite possible he is not a texter. Also, I would see your last text of "Thanks I'm home." as no response needed type text. Some people are just not into constant contact, especially just a few dates in. That doesn't mean they are not into you. Personally, I would just ask him about his communication preferences. Sometimes a simple, "hey I noticed that you never contact me?" will clear the air really really fast as the other person gets clued in to what you want or need from them and you get clued in to what they want or need.

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When did "not that into you" turn into shy?

 

If he has managed to go on 4 dates and plan them --- he isn't THAT shy.

 

And stop with the texting and sending videos. Want to hear his voice --- call him.

Not going to see him for a month --- call him. Chat. Meaningful chat. Not texts.

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