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Not sure how we can work out our differences?


annie-47

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I'm back together with my boyfriend, whom I was broken up with for only a few weeks. So I moved back home and I'm going to go back to school. We talked it out a lot and we're trying it out again, without me living there, to see if things can work.

I'm really not sure if we can make it work though, since we broke up because we have different opinions on many things and just legitimately can't get along sometimes. I do care and love about him, but I'm kind of skeptical. I'm a bit afraid of talking about this with him because I don't want to argue.

Some of you might know what I'm talking about from my previous posts, but I'll run through some of them for those who don't:

- he's obsessed with his dog and often gives him more attention and love than he does to me. He's told me outright that he would choose the dog over me in a heart beat - I never asked him to choose.

- he wants to be much more disconnected/less affectionate than I do (recently, after we got back together, he's extremely affectionate to me, but then after sex he couldn't possibly give me less attention. I desperately don't want to turn into an object...)

- he likes drinking and thinks being drunk is hilarious and pretty much the only way anyone can have fun, I disagree 100% and don't like drinking (I'm 19 and he's 21) ; he has gotten seriously mad at me because I have no interest in getting drunk or smoking cigars with him and his friends - some of his friends have told him how much of a bummer they think I am, and also that they think it's "awkward" that I'm not as talkative as they would like (Sorry I'm an introvert?), and he sided with them and told me I need to change that. I have never really liked many of his friends in the first place, but I had tried to.

- he tells sexist jokes constantly and I can't stand it. They really hurt me but he doesn't care because they're "just jokes". He literally thinks that women are worse drivers than men, whenever a woman is seen to have done something stupid, whether it be in public or on TV, etc, he has to relate it to the entire gender ("well that's why women should stay in the kitchen where they belong!") - but has never done such a thing for men - and from the way he talks I think he secretly feels like women are generally just inferior.

- he has no care for any of my interests (ex: he's told me that asking him to watch anime with me or go shopping with me is like a chore for him and that it sounds terrible, but he expects me to be ecstatic about him getting drunk tonight or making me watch baseball every time we are together).

- He's pretty sure he doesn't want kids ever, and I'm 100% sure I do. He thinks it's ridiculous that I've decided what I want in the future in regards to having kids because I'm "so young". So I shouldn't plan out marriage or my career either because I'm still young?

I know there's probably more but that's all I can think of at the moment.

Is there any hope...?

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For six months you’ve been asking advisors here to help you fix this guy; none could.

 

You are wasting the prime years of your life!

 

Worse yet, while you are trying to turn this toad into a human, (you will fail), your real love is passing you on the sidewalk.

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I have checked your other topics. It is obvious this guy is a loser but you actually enjoy this type of relationship? Your unhappy but prefer to stay with him "just because". What is it with young women incapable of being single, and would rather have some deadbeat BF?

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I think it's something emotionally about me. I'm TERRIBLY afraid of hurting him, breaking up with him was so emotionally heartbreaking for the both of us. And I guess I'm so attached and comfortable with him that it's nearly impossible to get myself to part with him.

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I'm TERRIBLY afraid of hurting him, breaking up with him was so emotionally heartbreaking for the both of us.

 

Why are you so afraid of hurting him? I remember your other posts about this guy. He doesn't think twice about hurting others and you with his crass sexist jokes and frat boy "I must be drunk to have fun ways" so why do you give a crap? I think you need to dig a bit deeper emotionally and find out why you're so afraid of being alone and that you'll never get anyone to love you that you keep holding on to a human being who has no redeeming qualities, even you admit this, and yet you "hope" somehow he'll turn out okay? Also I would just like to take a moment here and point out that although you say that it was emotionally heartbreaking for both of you when you broke up with him it couldn't have been that rough for him, because he didn't change one jot to get you back. So yeah, I think if he cried it was 'cause he knows that makes you cave and he's a manipulator on top of his other not-so-lovely traits.

 

I get that you want some sort of hope that this misogynistic boor will suddenly magically become Prince William, but that's like trying to cram your foot into a size 6 slipper when you have size 9 feet and you just keep saying you don't think you'll ever find any other shoes so you "hope" you can get the size 6 slippers to fit. Not going to happen there, not going to happen with him either. Just curious does he have any redeeming qualities outside of he lets you wear a girlfriend label that keep you tied to him? Money, fame, some form of power or other explanation as to why on earth you'd stay with this guy? I'm really just curious about that.

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