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i just want to write it all out and get it off my chest


chickusa

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Advice is nice, but I just really want someone to tell my feelings to who might understand how I feel.

 

Relationship issues. We knew each other since high school, but only started dating a couple of years ago. I had two kids coming into this relationship and he was a single, army guy living in a dorm right before we moved in together. Ever since we have gotten together we have had arguments here and there about our views on parenting. He is more strict and gets angry about much more than I do. I had my first child at 18 and now we are 30 and we just had our first child together so now I have 3 children, ages 12, 6 and 1. This is his first biological child. He has been back from deployment to Afghanistan for about 3-4 months now and I feel he is much worse in his attitude and temper. He is great with our daughter that is 1, but he gets so frustrated with my older two. I compromise with him and let him have his way with some of the things he believes as far as sitting at the table until all food is eaten, chores, etc., but he takes it so personally when they aren't 100% on the same page as him. My daughter is a very slow/picky eater and he gets so frustrated with her (she is 6 and she has digeorge syndrome). She plays like a normal child and looks like a normal child, but she does have some developmental delays which are more noticeable with school work. When the kids do something he is unhappy about it eats him up inside and he lets it build and build and is so mad all the time. He basically talks to them with some kind of attitude even before they do something wrong because he says that he knows they are going to do it anyway. My kids are not bad or misbehaved. I feel its normal kid stuff like being too loud here and there and not always doing chores before they play, or the picky eating thing. I think it is stuff they should be somewhat disciplined for but he gets soooo agitated and it bothers me as their mom. They love him and he does provide for them and when he is in a good mood he can be so great but I feel like I see that side of him less and less often. I do obviously think that this is worse because he is probably stressed from his deployment, but I also think its part of his personality. I want to go to family counseling. I just feel that there are some things he needs more patience for when it comes to the kids and since he grew up as an only child I think that may play a part in him not understanding the whole sibling dynamic. I love him but I am absolutely getting tired of being around this side of him. Holidays and outings get ruined to some degree because of his anger and frustration. I just feel like he is so great but I don't want to raise my kids around someone that they have to walk on eggshells around or be yelled at from constantly. I feel guilty about being their mother and subjecting them to his grumpiness all the time.

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It sounds like he needs some personal counselling. Like he may have issues from growing up with an abusive parental figure.

 

You feel it in your bones and know that you should take care of it now instead of later. Start with family counselling if you want but I am thinking these are his deep personal issues.

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I don't think he was abused, but he didn't know his dad and he tells me his mom would leave all the time and he would stay with his two close friends and their parents. He says good things about them so I don't know. He definitely needs some personal counseling and I would love to go to couples counseling and maybe go to some parent classes with him so we can learn and agree on parenting techniques. We haven't talked since yesterday. He has been in the living room all day and me in the back room here and there. I really wish I was at home with family and not stuck in this house with him.

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