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her behaviour: no contact or call her out on it?


fami

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Hi all,

 

I'm not too sure on how to progress with the current situation I'm in at the moment, so any advice will be welcomed... thanks!

Apologies in advance for the wall of text...

 

Basically, I've been dating this girl since early November this year, until about 3 weeks ago, i was under the impression we were progressing really well.

All in all, i say we went out on a date once every week or so, and typically we would talk over what's-app messaging every day or 2 days, initiation and continuity would be about 50/50 between us.

 

When i say it was going really well between us, i meant that after every date, some thing had progressed between us physically, from hugging to linking arms to holding hands, then kissing and sex by the 5th date.

She would actively comment that generally she was not very comfortable with people being so close to her or even touch her and she says that she never has had sex so early on in dating as well.

She is 28 years old and I'm 29, and although shy/ reserved, she is very family oriented and her closest, her most trusted friend seems to be her cousin as noted by her and our friend who introduced us two.

 

the problem started occurring a few weeks ago our conversations were getting less and less and it was always me initiating the chat... 1 day she randomly said she wont be able to meet me up this week as she had family friends coming from another country to visit, which was fine for me since she needed her own time and life.

 

After a week or so, i asked if she wanted to meet up, we ended up agreeing on going to watch a film since the weather was pretty cold.

Now the main problem started after the film, i was under the impression we would say, go and have dinner or drinks and whatnot as it's just the "natural(?)" thing to do that right?

 

But no, what i believed was her leading us to a restaurant or somewhere else, actually lead us to the bus stop... as soon as we got there, she literally said "oh, i'm going to meet my aunty now but i'll meet you on the weekend tho"... during that time i was a bit stunned/ mind-f***ed as a result, she gave hug& kiss and got on the bus...

 

i don't actually understand why she left it to the last minute and didn't tell me earlier during the day or when we met up with each other just before the film.

As i would rather have used the time to actually talk and catch up instead of sitting through 2 hours of "the hunger games 2" film...

Come Saturday when we were to meet in the evening, she messaged me stating "we are to reschedule" as she was browsing for cars, don't know when she'll be back and it's a long way back from home to meetup...

As i was still pretty disappointed about what happened the previous day and was actually meant to talk her about it, my mood just flat-lined after getting flaked off like that, i just replied with a: "k"

Aside from the generic merry xmas message she sent to me yesterday, in which i replied with a similar one, we haven't actually spoken since that Saturday 21st till now 26th...

 

Do i just keep up with the no contact and fade her out or call her out on it? the whole thing isn't sitting too well with me, not after how we progressed and after a fair amount of time dating her.

 

Thanks for your time,

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You said you've been dating since November and all was good until about 3 weeks ago. 3 weeks ago was November for all intents and purposes. I would say things have probably run their course for whatever reason. I'd have a hard time fading out without saying goodbye or letting the person know I'm moving on. But that's just me.

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Sounds like she just lost interest, or is seeing someone else.

 

I disagree w/ MissM - I wouldn't send a "burn the bridge" text like that. No real reason.

 

I'd just ignore her until she initiates contact with a real plan to meet up. If she's truly interested in seeing you again, she will get in touch.

 

In the meantime, consider yourself single and act accordingly.

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I believe in communication. Have a simple conversation "I really enjoy spending time with you, and I would like to know how you feel. I have noticed you are acting more distant. Would you like to talk about it?"

We are all adults - you can play the Cold War game but come on. Get an answer so you can move on if need to.

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Surprisingly, I am currently in a similar situation. Mine is longer and those are over, but they are also lingering. She flaked out recently from hanging out. A quick "Merry Christmas" was received with a "thank you".

 

I know what people would tell me to do and what they have told you. Move on. I have for the most part. We have already had our talks and although good, it's still about you letting go. It does seem, and I saw it in my own situation, that she was done and ready to move on weeks before we had the talk.

 

Get an answer from her or don't. You can't force somebody into a relationship or keep them in it if they don't want to. Both of you will be happier if that's not the case.

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I agree with FlashEng1 and goodheartlady; it seems entirely reasonable to have a conversation with her about it. She indeed might have been busy with things going on in her life, family stuff around the holidays, etc. If she is shy/reserved and doesn't usually get physical this quickly in a new relationship, then perhaps she wants to slow things down a bit. It's also possible that she is losing interest or met someone else, but I think you need to have a conversation with her before drawing any conclusions.

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hi all, thank you for responses...

after reading the advices provided, I too feel I should raise it up with her just so we are on the same level. if anything I rather not have this lingering over me and drag it into the new year...

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Sounds weird, but not contacting her is both the best for you and her. If she is interested she will catch up. Sometimes they do, but we've all been there and no contact is the best bet. Contact her first and you are sure to ruin it.

 

I have stopped contacting a girl that didn't seem interested and she came back and dated me for a few good months, but it's really the exception. Point is she isn't the only girl around and not worth spending too much time on.

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