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Is there some reason I can't find a relationship?


Xin

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At my age I take relationships a lot serious than most people do. I'm only 20, but I don't "date" or go around and have casual sex. I prefer to go into relationships that I would hope would last a long time and end up in marriage. Therefore whenever I'm in a relationship, I tend to put in a lot of thought and effort for my significant other.

 

I know for certain that I am not bad in relationships. I have had 3 exes, all of whom I've had an average of a 1.5 year relationship with. We broke up for some minor issues, like one moved to the other side of the country and she couldn't do long distance. I broke up with another one of my exes because she cheated on me because she was jealous of all the things I had done for one of my previous exes. I can tell you that even after breaking up with my exes, a lot of them hoped I would come back. For at least a year, after breaking up, all of them would message me every other month with the strangest conversation starters ever. I for one am not interested in getting back with someone I broke up with, so I pretty much either didn't respond was very curt.

 

At the moment, one thing that bothers me is all my exes are now currently in relationships, and they are happy with them. I am not so much bothered by the face that they are happy, because that's a good thing, but that for some reason I am alone. I am not alone in the sense that I can't get girls:

 

I have been told by most girls who met me that I am a unique and one of a kind guy. My outside appearance is good, and people say I am quite attractive, and I look kind of like a bad boy, but also smart at the same time. I also appear reserved and not someone who just goes on and on talking. Finally, they say it seems I am mysterious and charming. On the inside, people meet me and think I am a very deep and thoughtful person, and I think of others and am serious with others. I guess you could say my sense of humour is lacking, even though I can be funny now and then, but my main trademark has been that most girls have told me I am very romantic, serious, thoughtful, and caring, but it isn't overdone to the point it is cheesy.

 

When I first started getting into relationships, I didn't have a certain problem, but now I do. Nowadays, my frustration at not being able to find a relationship is slowly seeping into my actions and emotions. The main part is that I cannot understand why. Most of my friends are girls that would love to be with me, but I realize a lot of girls just aren't my type. I meet too many girls who just want to have fun and flirt and go around in the party scene, or just in general be players. My frustration has been seeping into my life as I find now that I am starting to criticize people when I disagree with their lifestyle. I don't like judging people, but when I am getting to know a girl and they tell me they like to party and sleep around, I can't hold back from basically telling them hard truth about what i think. Did I forget to mention? It's both good and bad, but I am too honest. I don't lie to make people feel better or anything. That's why I just don't talk. But when I do, I just want to say the truth.

 

So at the very least I can say that right now, I am quite depressed. I workout a lot, study hard, and I'm even in an engineer major, so I can see that I have a bright future. But I can't believe that my happiness is determined by whether or not I have a significant other or not. I wish I could just be satisfied with the fact that I am going to be successful and that people are attracted to me, but now that I've been single for a heck of a long time, I am almost shocked at how important I think this is. Is there some reason why I can't find relationship? I don't really understand. And why do I think about it so much? I have everything else I could ever need: a nice family, good schooling, good future, good physical looks, intelligence, and I feel really blessed to have all of that because many people out there might not even have half of it. But I somehow feel empty just because I don''t havea significant other?

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I don't like judging people, but when I am getting to know a girl and they tell me they like to party and sleep around, I can't hold back from basically telling them hard truth about what i think

 

You do like judging people --- and you apparently come accross as judgemental. And that is what is holding you from being in a relationship.

 

There is being honest ----- and there is being opinionated. You are the latter, thinking you are the former.

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I don't like judging people, but when I am getting to know a girl and they tell me they like to party and sleep around, I can't hold back from basically telling them hard truth about what i think

 

You do like judging people --- and you apparently come accross as judgemental. And that is what is holding you from being in a relationship.

 

There is being honest ----- and there is being opinionated. You are the latter, thinking you are the former.

 

No girl tells me I am judgmental or opinionated. None of my past exes did either, in fact they sometimes said I seemed quite indifferent, which is something they said is good and bad. What I mean by truthful is, if a girl says "hey I like to party and sleep around" I say something like, "oh, drinking too much can be bad for your health", or i say something referring to the sex life that might make them think twice about doing it. I don't just say, "you're a dirty s*** ". That would be pretty funny though. I'm honest but not that blunt.

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Welcome to 2013.

 

Since I've join back in 2004, I've made allot of stupid posts. One thing I've noticed, however is allot of the replies on threads like these are extremely biased. "You're the problem, and you should just accept it.". "You're a womanizer.". If you aren't apart of their agenda, you're in the wrong. What if, on a larger scale they were wrong, and in fact tons of guys feel the same way, with an evident problem as probable cause. There IS a problem, and I believe the media has a massive impact.

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Welcome to 2013.

 

Since I've join back in 2004, I've made allot of stupid posts. One thing I've noticed, however is allot of the replies on threads like these are extremely biased. "You're the problem, and you should just accept it.". "You're a womanizer.". If you aren't apart of their agenda, you're in the wrong. What if, on a larger scale they were wrong, and in fact tons of guys feel the same way, with an evident problem as probable cause. There IS a problem, and I believe the media has a massive impact.

 

I am not sure what agenda you are referring to.

 

In terms of your posts, the consensus is that people don't understand why you have stayed for six years with someone who cheated on you, probably still cheats on you, and doesn't want to see you. We don't have any negative agenda. We would ultimately hope everyone takes responsibility for their own happiness instead of blaming others.

 

For the OP, I would love to see him tone down the judging attitude to find a nice relationship (hopefully with someone who is not dating someone else).

 

Good luck to you.

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How could a forum of strangers giving advice to others have an agenda?

OP must have 25 threads on the same topic....written in condescending and arrogant tones as to bow utterly amazed he is that woman no longer seem interested in him.

 

And when a response points.out what can be inferred from only his own posts...then it is agenda driven and bitter?? Time to pick up a mirror fellas and see what you are projecting to the world.

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Well there is certain dynamics constantly changing, IMO. Unfortunately I'm mistaken for being gay every single time. That just happens to bring in a whole new world of shocking information from women I do not want to hear. I can say I'm frustrated as well and my chances at getting a girl is just below 0%.

 

There is a certain universal language with women. A standard men have to meet. A guy can be anything but creepy and he gets a chance. What in the hell is "Creepy" anyway?

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I agree. I can understand why girls aren't interested in that.

 

My problem isn't getting girls, it's keeping them. I meet plenty of women who are interested, but most of them seem to want to just have a fun time and most of them aren't looking for a relationship.

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I checked your post history. A month ago you were with someone. Did you break up?

 

OP you sound very judgemental and arrogant. I think thats your issue. Your 20 not 80. Whats wrong with having fun. Many people don't mature until they are over 30.

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I feel that I will never find "the one", if I have someone that I feel is "the one", he feels the same about me, loves me for who I am etc. It just ends up going downhill. I don't know why.

 

The most recent one, an amazing guy, has to "think", give some thought as to what to follow, his heart or his head. His heart says yes, his head says no. Because, he feels that he will be keeping me away from my children.

 

If I'm such an "amazing" person as they all claim, why can't they stay with me and let me decide if they are good for my children or not?

 

I'm not asking for alot. I just want love. I didn't have an easy childhood and I find it difficult to trust people, and as soon as I open up to them, allow them to see "me", they start worrying about whether or not they are good enough for me.

 

It's driving me up the wall.

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