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My no contact diary/Advice and help needed


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So the break-up happened 5 weeks ago. Since then we had one Skype call in which he suggested being friends and then being cold which led to my emotional breakdown and felt almost like breaking up two times. After that I told him I don't want to keep in touch and haven't talked to him since (around 1,5 weeks). But I can't spend more than 3 days not looking at his social media. It doesn't affect me much like it did in the beginning but I know it stops me from moving on and healing. I'm not as bad as before, still sad and hurt but getting better. Yet there is not a single moment when I don't think of him. I try to keep busy but have to work at the computer so it becomes very easy to look him up. I tried all blocking apps but in the end still look him up. Will my obsessive thoughts disappear if I don't look him up? I'm tired of this circle of deciding to not look him up and then breaking the promise I made to myself

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When I want to stop doing something --- like thinking about my ex....I just got to the point where I realized it was a complete and utter waste of time and energy.

And that he was most likely off enjoying his life while I was sulking and focused on something I could not change.

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I couldn't stop obsessing either so I forced myself to at least block her and every one of her friends so that no information about her could reach me.. Still have her family on fb, only bc they dont post often and almost never about her. Blocking has helped me cope and has at least gotten me to start eating again. By looking him up youre only hurting yourself..

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I couldn't stop obsessing either so I forced myself to at least block her and every one of her friends so that no information about her could reach me.. Still have her family on fb, only bc they dont post often and almost never about her. Blocking has helped me cope and has at least gotten me to start eating again. By looking him up youre only hurting yourself..

 

Yes, I've just reread my first threads and saw my progress would have been so much better if I went full NC from week 1. Well done blocking her, don't you feel weakness to unblock though and how do u fight it?

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Yes, I've just reread my first threads and saw my progress would have been so much better if I went full NC from week 1. Well done blocking her, don't you feel weakness to unblock though and how do u fight it?

 

I did feel weakness for the first few days. At first I only unfriended her. But her page being public that wasn't much of a help. I was still looking her up and saw everything she posted. Things that hurt me tremendously, like a pic of her partying and then 35 people instantly liking it and commenting stuff like 'waw', 'hot' and 'hunnyyyy when do we party again??!!' I got so mad at having to read all of that while I was crying on the ground like a little child, barely even eating and sleeping. Then I blocked her, and each and every one of her friends through which information still reached my fb. Not knowing what she is doing has been such a great help. Remember fb or instagram or whatever social media does not define who you are. I can put anything up there that would make people think i'm totally happy and cool. And why on earth would anyone post ugly pictures of himself. It is like portraying the best side of you only. Its not real life. I know in real life she has major issues, hyperventilating since she was 20 over things that happened in the past, and what people see on fb? A happy and pretty girl. They don't know her. It makes me mad that she can put up such a pretty image of herself. So blocking was the only option for me, ignorance truly is bliss!

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Yes, I've just reread my first threads and saw my progress would have been so much better if I went full NC from week 1. Well done blocking her, don't you feel weakness to unblock though and how do u fight it?

 

Thanks for your input. He is depressed and may have thoughts of suicide, so I think part of the reason is I just keep checking on him. What will I do if he does something to himself? Not knowing how he feels is the worst

 

I read your story, and what I understand from it is that he broke up with you and you were the one shocked and having suicidal thoughts. He then acted in a cold and distant manner.

 

Let me say to you, as a dumpee, I also went very cold on the person who broke up with me bc she was emotionally not invested in the relationship long before i even noticed it so now, she's getting exactly what she did to me. Silent or cold treatment. I was suicidal for weeks (passive thoughts,..) and she now uses it as an excuse for stringing me along for two months. During that two months I asked her a few times IF she wanted to break up, i gave her space,time etc. But she then dumped my *ss when the risks were so high that I actually would have done something.. pure selfishness.

 

As for your ex who dumped YOU, i dont know why he acts that way.. And i sure as hell dont understand why HE is having suicidal thoughts now.. It is not your problem anymore though. He broke up with you.

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The thing is I felt suicidal because of the loss of the relationship, it was temporary. For him his depression is an everyday reality and he always view suicide as a valid option. But me contacting him only will pressure him and make him resentful. He may actually feel better now without me. I even told him I don't have any bitterness or hurt because I didn't want him to feel bad. I know he has several online friends and his mum for support. I guess if he chooses to do it, nothing I can do about it. But it will be the end of me if he does something to himself

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You started a thread somewhere were you say him and some girl from america were getting close. Honey if he really suffers from depression, and I mean real fullblown depression in which one would want to kill himself, he would not be able to 'get close' to anyone..

 

I understand you feel responsible for him and that is a human thing, but he broke up with you and cut you off. Why remain nice to him. Did you get to say sorry for things you were really sorry of? I dont mean the things he blamed you but the actual things you are in fact sorry of. If not, you could write it in a mail and reread it next week. If you still feel the same within a week, you can send it.

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You started a thread somewhere were you say him and some girl from america were getting close. Honey if he really suffers from depression, and I mean real fullblown depression in which one would want to kill himself, he would not be able to 'get close' to anyone..

 

I understand you feel responsible for him and that is a human thing, but he broke up with you and cut you off. Why remain nice to him. Did you get to say sorry for things you were really sorry of? I dont mean the things he blamed you but the actual things you are in fact sorry of. If not, you could write it in a mail and reread it next week. If you still feel the same within a week, you can send it.

 

I've read somewhere that people with depression think new people will help them to feel better. I used to be jealous, now I am sort of glad he has a friend to talk to, he is even meeting her in January. I feel bad that I was so selfish and hating that he is meeting her That's a really good advice you gave me, I will write that letter right now and leave it for a week or two. Thanks

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I just looked at his page to confirm my suspicions - seems to be in a full-blown relationship with that girl, meeting in several weeks. I feel nothing, I'm not gonna care about him at all, not gonna care anymore is he is depressed. I justified him enough. I feel dirty and embarassed for him, just want him to never know anything about me. Help, I need support

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The final gasp of hope being taken away from your heart. I feel for you. I know a lot of people on here will say 'now you can move on' but I also know this is not as easy as it seems. If you need to vent, feel free to send a private message.

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When the last gasp of hope has left the building.... it is time to leave the building and walk back into the fresh air...your life. You had one before the relationship... you will have one again. But you are not going to meet anyone standing in that empty shell...breathing the last of the remaining oxygen.

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