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It's only a sad common story, but i’m utterly desperated

and I need something that helps me to escape from the hell where I’m leaving.

 

I can’t bear the break up with my girlfriend. After 9 years living together, we’ve separated, better, she’s abandoned me.

This is the second Christmas that I spend alone, without her, sitting by the Xmas tree, remembering. Crying.

 

I love her more than myself. I hate to come back home after work everyday.

Everything that happens recall memories of us.

 

I miss her, I miss our old house. I miss myself.

 

I feel myself like a walking whit no point, aimlessly, through the street.

I’m speechless everyday, stuck in the past, with no present and no future.

I suffer every second of my life. I feel myself so lonely. So lonely.

 

I’m 34. I’m alive but inside I’m tired, old, I feel myself almost dead.

She cheated me. and now I can't trust any woman.

 

I don’t know if I manage to pass this NYE alone. I can’t stand it.

I’ve booked an hotel room. I think I spent 2 days there, withmany bottles of rhum,

whisky, vodka and co, drinking until I fall asleep, hoping I don’t wake up.

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I am sorry you feel so sad now. I have been there and I know what that feels like. But I also know that those thoughts and feelings do go away and you will feel better and you will feel happy again. It will be a gradual change, but I guarantee you won't feel like this any more, you will feel happy again. Right now is the worst pain and sorrow, but it will go away, and there is happiness and much more love for you in the future. In fact, you will find happiness again on your own, even before you find a new woman to love. Many hugs and much love to you.

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You're not a bad person, you are a good person.

Love yourself as much as you love her. It's difficult to when you are feeling so much pain. But you must remember to love yourself, because that will heal you and get rid of the pain and suffering you are feeling.

Your self-love will help you get through this hard part.

Cry it out as many times as you need to. The tears are cleansing and therapeutic. You will feel better after crying. Eventually it will stop.

I think it's bad for you to stay alone. You should get out and be with people, even if you don't feel like it.

Be with friends, family, pets, children, even people you don't know, just be around people. And be out in nature as much as you can. You need to be reminded that the world is full of people and beauty and fun, and there is plenty of love for you.

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Brother, I've been there. Married for 7 years to a woman who destroyed me by cheating. I wasn't the best husband, but I loved her in my way and cared for her deeply. She left me over two years ago and after it happened, I was like you. Lost, depressed, saw no purpose in my life.

 

You are going through what I call 'Love Trauma'. It WILL pass and you'll feel a lot better with time. I know, I know, everyone says that, but I (We-people here) have been there.

 

I know you think: "They don't understand, this was/is different, SHE was IT! My world, my life, my love!"

 

... I thought like that once too, but then I emotionally grew, understood what I had and how much better I was as a MAN that I suffered. How much STRONGER YOU will become in the coming days/months/years.

 

Since her I've found love, lost it, found it again, and will find love again... and so will you. Have faith in YOU my friend.

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I'm trying to do it. This period is very difficult. People seems so happy.

And of course, 'cause of my "condition" I focus my attention on couples

in the street that seems fallen in love like teenagesrs.

And I hardly manage to look at my own face in the mirror.

I'm trying, I'm trying to do everything to take me out from this situation

but..at the end..the first day of the year I will be alone, drunk, in an hotel room.

Don't know if I can bear it.

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I'm trying to do it. This period is very difficult. People seems so happy.

And of course, 'cause of my "condition" I focus my attention on couples

in the street that seems fallen in love like teenagesrs.

And I hardly manage to look at my own face in the mirror.

I'm trying, I'm trying to do everything to take me out from this situation

but..at the end..the first day of the year I will be alone, drunk, in an hotel room.

Don't know if I can bear it.

 

Friend. I feel you. Hell, I even cry for you.

 

I too feel like you these days. Left after a 4,5 years relationship. I blame myself for everything and it is killing me.

 

Like you, I am so insanely TIRED after years of depression. And today, I really feel like I will not make this.

 

Well, I have at least made a deal with myself to continue therapy and try anti-depressants.

 

Friend, do not give up. I know nothing we say here will help. It sure as hell does not help me now. And that is scary.

 

Yet I am here. Posting and crying with you. You surely are a wonderful person om the inside. Bless you.

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Yeah, we've all been there. I've posted it several times, but I'm going to post my "before" and "after" story again but, first, I have to say, Padpit, the worst thing you can do is to pour a liquid depressant down your gullet when you're already feeling like death warmed over. Not a good plan, IMO.

 

I understand you want the pain to end, one way or another - get them back or just stop caring for him or her. That's all anyone really wants, for the pain to stop.

 

Like you, I was crying all the time. Felt destroyed. I was married for...ever. My entire life was wrapped up in my now former husband, children, home. He took it all away from me out of curiosity and the delusion that he could live his sexual fantasies without any regard for me. Yet, I cried and cried until I realized what I was doing wasn't working on any level. I needed to do something differently.

 

One day I made the decision to make my ex eat his heart out. I was going to become the best version of myself, the woman I could never be when we were together. I made changes in every aspect of my life so I was living it to the fullest and making the best use of my time. I wanted my ex to want me back, even if I had determined I didn't want him back.

 

I threw myself into my job, which resulted in two huge bonuses and a big raise.

I exercised daily and got in the best shape of my life.

Because I was in such good shape, my body changed and I had to buy all new clothes. So I made some changes to my personal style. I became an icon for classic fashion.

I used affirmations to build my self-esteem.

I volunteered in my community, which brought me new friends, and did good deeds for strangers.

I made sure I met two new people every week.

I made a point of smiling at the people at the bus stop.

I cut my hair and changed the way I did my make-up.

I took cello lessons and started martial arts classes.

I eventually started dating. Didn't feel right, but I forced myself.

I wrote down every thoughtless, unkind act my ex had done to me to remind myself what I'd left behind and every character flaw I could think of (he was never perfect, but when I wrote it all down, I'm amazed by all the horrid things I lived with and endured.)

 

I felt great about my life and who I was. My confidence was soaring, and I enjoyed my time alone.

 

One day I stopped by my ex's place to pick up our daughter and he audibly gasped when he opened the door and saw me. A few minutes later we were sitting on his deck while I waited for our daughter to change clothes and gather her things. He told me how beautiful I looked. I thanked him and teased him saying "you could never get a woman like me now". And, in all seriousness, he said, "I know".

 

He's became extremely flirtatious from that day on and started sniffing around, though he never suggested trying again. He didn't have to. I wouldn't take him back. My self-esteem was way to high to tolerate him.

 

And I met someone else. Someone truly special. T, my mister, is more than I ever imagined a man could be - extremely intelligent, kind, warm, romantic, generous, gorgeous, and an extremely talented artist in his field. Our relationship feels safe, comfortable, secure, and my heart often races when I look at his beautiful face.

 

Why don't you decide to take control of your life and move forward instead of wallowing in the muck of the past? You're worth the effort. You know how I know this? Your ex loved you and she wouldn't have loved a loser. She did the best she could. It wasn't enough to save the relationship, but it doesn't diminish how she felt about you or that you were worthy of her love (and still are).

 

Everyone does the best they can at all times. Nobody wakes up one day and wonders "how am I going to hurt my lover today?" or "how am I going to mess up my family today?" It just doesn't happen. We do what we can with the knowledge, experience, and feelings we have. You may not understand the why or how of it, but your girl did her best, too. It wasn't enough and you deserved more, but she did all she could do. Trust that.

 

And go live out loud.

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I feel for you bud but I just want you to know something and this from an Alpha male - it's okay to ask for help. Any human help, you took a major step with ENA and now go call a few numbers. Keep at it until you find the person that you can relate to and gives you advice that is progressive and inspirational. ENA and other social services have many such creatures, go look and make that your heartbreak mission. While you are at, cap the booze and stow it it. Good luck.

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thank you so much bro..

hope you are right and that my Love Trauma goes away ‘cause every morning it’s horrible when I wake up and I realize that she’s not with me, that the only thing I want is to sleep forever.

I’m trying with sports, activities, travels but without any success.

The problem is that everything I do, I do it for her and not for myself.

Even if she’s gone.

Really hope to find something that could heal me, love or something else, I really need to escape from my thoughts that became cages in my mind

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Friend. I feel you. Hell, I even cry for you.

 

I too feel like you these days. Left after a 4,5 years relationship. I blame myself for everything and it is killing me.

 

Like you, I am so insanely TIRED after years of depression. And today, I really feel like I will not make this.

 

Well, I have at least made a deal with myself to continue therapy and try anti-depressants.

 

Friend, do not give up. I know nothing we say here will help. It sure as hell does not help me now. And that is scary.

 

Yet I am here. Posting and crying with you. You surely are a wonderful person om the inside. Bless you.

 

 

Thanks man, I’m here with you right now.

I had a 9y relationship, and suddenly, everything collapsed. And, I think it’s normal to be sad by losing a person after 9 years. It’s just like losing a person by death. It’s not important that she’s still alive, ‘cause the person you love(d) is gone anyway. She no longer exists in your life. And what you can do to cope with it? Activities, sports, cinema, music. But every single spare moment is an hell everyway. And you can’t travel because every place you’ve already visited with her recalls memories and every new place isn’t good, because you can’t share your experience with her.

 

I’m filled with sadness and it’s driving me crazy, and I’m filled with rage, ‘cause I don’t deserve it.

But I’m trying not to give up, man. I’m trying.

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As I’ve written “it’s a sad common story”…

 

I know is not a good idea to get myself drunk, but since this thing happen, I start to isolate myself, and I’ve lost my friends too(a few ones that I could call friend) and I can’t find the willing to make new ones; cause lot of friends in common with my ex known that she cheated me and they didn’t tell me anything about it.

 

I was an interesting person, I like literature, photography, sports, travelling, wines. I do boxing, I’m in a really good shape, I’m still a nice guy outside. but inside, it’s like depression’s eating my soul

 

I’ve been with other girls but it has been..sad.

I’ve tried with psychologists and psychiatrists. But it didn’t work.

 

That's why my hotel room and my bottles.

 

I should learn to love myself before all this crap.

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I feel for you bud but I just want you to know something and this from an Alpha male - it's okay to ask for help. Any human help, you took a major step with ENA and now go call a few numbers. Keep at it until you find the person that you can relate to and gives you advice that is progressive and inspirational. ENA and other social services have many such creatures, go look and make that your heartbreak mission. While you are at, cap the booze and stow it it. Good luck.

 

from alpha man to alpha man...

I'm already alpha for the others, no problem with girls at all,

but I need to be alpha for myself, and sure I need help for it

 

thanks man

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You have had a major emotional trauma and you're still in the recovery process. After a 9-year relationship ends it's painful, so you are in a state of intense pain and that overwhelms everything else. For me, knowing that the state of pain is temporary helped me get through it. In a way, accepting that it is painful made it easier for me to get through. Whenever a wave of pain hit me, I just accepted it and allowed myself to feel the pain, cry it out, then allowed it o go away and I felt better. Over time the waves of pain hit me less often and more mildly. I think this is a good approach to dealing with it. To use alcohol is a form of self-medication; you're prescribing a painkiller for yourself, and it may dull the pain but has harmful side effects such as the possibility of forming a dependency on it, so I think it's a risky way to deal with the pain. Try to just wait out the pain when it hits you, cry it out, and let that wave go out of you and be gone. The rest of the time, do things that make you feel good, things that make you feel happy, and only you know what those things are. You will also have to consciously shift your mental focus from her back to you, over and over again at first. Eventually your mind and your life will be re-centered on you instead of her. And eventually you won't feel the pain any more.

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thank you so much bro..

hope you are right and that my Love Trauma goes away ‘cause every morning it’s horrible when I wake up and I realize that she’s not with me, that the only thing I want is to sleep forever.

I’m trying with sports, activities, travels but without any success.

The problem is that everything I do, I do it for her and not for myself.

Even if she’s gone.

Really hope to find something that could heal me, love or something else, I really need to escape from my thoughts that became cages in my mind

 

Brother, I KNOW EXACTLY what you mean. I did the some thing hahaha! I remember on the weekends I wouldn't get out of bed till 4pm, desperately glancing at my phone hoping for a text or something to breath life into my day. I, like you, did everything for them, to make THEM happy, to make sure THEY felt loved.

 

It took time, a lot of hurting, and a lot of hate for myself that I had to let go. Let go of the HATE you have for yourself. Everything is as it should be.

 

remember: Suffering leads to wisdom. A man confused is close to enlightenment.

 

If you ever need to run something by me, don't hesitate. PM me and I'll answer all your questions and give you advice.

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