What should I do?

[Bernardino]

I am a recovering drug addict and have been clean and sober since March of this year. Me and my husband have been married for 8 years. He left me in February when I relapsed the last time. I know I've put him through a lot with my addiction and he told me he had enough of it. I went into rehab and started to get serious about getting sober. When I got out I contacted him and found out he was with someone else and she is pregnant. He has told me the whole time he still loves me but has to stay with her for the baby. We only talk on the phone. He called Christmas eve and was crying and said he doesn't know what to do and he wants to be with me but she said if he leaves he won't see the baby. My sister in law tells me how unhappy he is also. I don't know what to do. I want us to be together. I feel like going to where they live and talk to her but I just don't know if that would be a good idea. I need advice.

[sharky988]

He needs to see what his legal rights are as the biological father and handle that situation himself.

 

YOU need to leave him to clean up his own mess. It's not your problem. I wouldn't be talking to him or seeing him or having anything to do with him until he's left this woman he's been having an affair with.

 

He can leave her and THEN he can call you in tears asking for another chance with you.....

[savignon]

You're still married or getting a divorce? How long were you gone that he met, dated and got another woman pregnant? He's made a big mess and I agree it's his to clean up and not your problem.

You focus on getting your life together and staying sober. Congratulations on taking the first steps....keep going!!

[YaWadud]

Bernardino,

 

As someone who is also an addict in recovery and has relapsed several times in spite of my best efforts, I believe I may know a little about the space you may be inhabiting at the present moment. If I may offer some unsolicited advice: please focus on yourself at this time. Are you or have you had any experience working the 12 Steps? If so, your sponsor (or another trusted individual) would be the best person to run all this business by (well, and any ENAer's who wish to comment, too!). Frankly, Sharky and saignon have expressed very good points in that you should REALLY spend this time working on you (and in my opinion, working on strengthening your SOBRIETY). He has his own problems to entertain at this moment. Which is not to say that things can't be ironed out (more impossible things have transpired)....BUT YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOUR OWN WELL-BEING RIGHT NOW. The certain and solid goal right now should be remaining sober and solidifying the foundation of your life. I say all this with great respect to your situation and with absolutely no judgement.