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I don't think I want him back anymore after he contacted.


snappy5

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He's sent me more emails today. Telling me he was in the neighborhood and he wanted to see me if I were free. Telling me twice in one paragraph he wanted to hang out. He said he had my favorite beer.

 

I didn't feel anything.

 

How I longed for his return so much during our time apart. It gradually waned. I still thought I was in love with him before he contacted. But now that we're talking again I am coming to the sad realization I no longer feel that way anymore.

 

How strange the mind is always a little bit out of sync with the heart. At first your heart aches for the relationship. Then your mind caught up and only experienced fleeting memories of the good times of your relationship.

 

Now my mind is telling me perhaps to give it another shot if things have changed but my heart is saying those feelings don't exist anymore.

 

I'm so scared of allowing him to invest again in something I'm not feeling fully. Even though he hurt me so many times I don't want to hurt him.

 

I think this is when you've acknowledged when you've moved on. When you realize you can still hold all the wonderful things of the previous relationship but don't need it anymore or want it ever again.

 

Such an ambivalent feeling to experience. I never thought I'd feel this way about something that at one point I thought was so important to me.

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I think if you meet up with him, you could easily swing towards wanting to reconcile. I would advise cutting him off to let yourself move on.

 

That's exactly what I want to do to see if I still have residual feelings left. I think I need to do it to figure it out.

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No you don't. You need to move on. Alas, you are just dragging this all out.

 

He broke up with you twice at least? The relationship was very difficult correct? Lots of depression and low self-esteem and mess and more mess.

 

I do wish you would commit to moving on.

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No you don't. You need to move on. Alas, you are just dragging this all out.

 

He broke up with you twice at least? The relationship was very difficult correct? Lots of depression and low self-esteem and mess and more mess.

 

I do wish you would commit to moving on.

 

I work with mentally ill patients with goals to become a psychiatrist.

 

I simply want to fix these people and allow them to have wonderful lives. I projected this onto my relationship to the fullest but now that I know how to do it in a healthy manner the relationship seems incredibly dysfunctional in hindsight.

 

I understand your concern but I think I've learned enough on my own and especially in the facility to figure out how to proceed once I resolve these feelings. And I honestly think I have the experience to now deal and process my own feelings. Because if you can't get yourself together how do you expect to be able to help these people piece their lives together as well.

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I find that the folks that have the hardest time moving on are actually in the mental health profession ... because they are always right! Good luck with it Snappy. Hope you are in a better place this time next year.

 

Thank you Ms Darcy. I will keep the forum updated with my progress.

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Why ask for advice when you know best? I think you need to separate work from love.. trying to Fix patients is your job but umm fixing partner... no. Fixing a dysfunctional relationship.. no

 

just move on already

 

staying with someone who has hurt you "many times" is co-dependent and as a practicing psychiatrist you should know that its also unhealthy

 

work on your self esteem and set your standards higher

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Dude...that isn't passive aggressive at all. That is straight up honesty.

 

Honestly is addressing the problem when it occurred. Not bringing it up in some other argument.

Moreover addressing problems don't include flippant sarcasm, which I responded to in commensurate degree.

 

I appreciate advice but I don't appreciate condescending and judgmental advice as evidence by how I've responded to fellow posters.

 

Moreover the private messages applauding me for my retort seems to echo the sentiments of other members who've felt similarly.

 

PS Let's not get sidetracked. I know the repercussions of such action and I have already emailed him saying I am no longer interested after talking to him more.

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