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After 20+ years I still miss her.

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After 20+ years of marriage and two wonderful sons 38 and 35 I still miss my ex. It's like tonite I woke myself up talking to her and wanting to just hold her. I'm 68 and she's 64.. One night in 1993 she just walked in from work and said she was leaving and didn't want to be a wife or mother any more. She packed a few things (not many) and just left. She initated the divorce and gave me everything including custody of my youngest son who was 14 at the time. I had no idea this was coming and it caught us all by surprise. I remember my youngest son sitting on my lap crying telling me he'd never leave me, but of course later he got a life of his own. He's never married and it will surprise me if he ever does, he has real issues trusting any lady and always finds something not quite right. My oldest son is married and has 3 kids, great grand kids BTW. I live in south Texas, Wayne (the youngest) lives in Houston and Robert alone with my sweet daughter in law and grand kids live in San Antonio.

It's 1:50 AM and I've been up since 12:30. It just seems like I just can't get over wanting to hold her, talk with her and just share time together.

She has since re married and her life has completely changed, they live in Lubbock and she's involved with several organizations and business.

I've often thought about talking with my sons about this but it's not their problem and I stay out of their lives unless they ask for advice.

So in a nutshell that's my situation, I'll sit here and drink coffee and play games on the computer until I get sleepy.

Is it unusual to have such feeling after so long of a time ? Or how do you get over them ? I've tried dating but it just doesn't seem to work out, so I've lived alone for 18 years.

I keep thinking and hoping that one day or night these feelings will pass but no such luck.

So does anyone have any suggestions or ideas ? Sleeping pills and Xanax don't seem to help at all, so I'm looking and hopeing for any advice or suggestions. And I don't drink so that's out of the question.

Thanks in advance for any help at all.


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It sounds to me like you're lonely. After 18 years of being single, I can see how you would be.


I'm wondering if it's your ex-wife you really miss -- or if it's just that you're missing that TYPE of relationship?


If you haven't had luck dating other women so far, I think you really need to step up and broaden your search until you find someone who IS compatible. No ONE romantic partner is irreplaceable. Have you tried online dating yet? As a single guy at your age you should be a very desirable commodity! Are you in good health -- do you need to get in shape? Are you exercising every day and taking care of yourself?

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RobertinTexas, thanks for sharing your story.


I am only half your age, but i will offer some advice


I too have had a lot of trouble with sleep. Dreams, sleeplessness, waking well before dawn.

Things that affect the ability to get to sleep:



-TV/computer/mobile phone screens.



Lay off the caffiene. Hard to do, but i was a coffee addict for years. Limit yourself to 2 or 3 max... mornings only.

No chocolate at night.

You are not a drinker, so that is good. Smoker? That'll mess sleep patterns up as well.

Eat healthier and light meals in the evening. Heavy fatty rich saucy meals upset the guts. Upset stomach=disturbed sleep.


The more you move around, the more your body will want to rest at the end of the day. Ont have to run triathalons, just keep your body moving as much as you can. Get outside.

Digitial screens

the light they give off and the focus you give the information displayed by them will keep you in a wakeful state. Read a book, do a crossword or jigsaw puzzle. You will notice tiredness/needsleep signs a lot more when you are not staring at a screen.


Dreams... if all you have been thinking about during the day is "memories", then they will surface in your dreams.

This is something I am still working on, but have noticed that the busier you keep yourself with other things.. the more likely you are to dream about what you have done/seen/experienced, rather than dreaming about what you have being thinking.

So the question is, what new things and experiences can you introduce into your daily routine in order to keep busy?

Set yourself some tasks, then accomplish them. Whether it be gardening, building a model boat, visiting a museum, going to see some live music, a weekend with your grandkids eating icecream and spoiling them without their parents permission haha...

The list of things to do is not small.


Regarding talking to your sons... there maybe things they may want to share too. Just a thought.

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