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Need someones honest and helpful opinion in my situation please.


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im sorry my post is long...

I dated this guy who was my first boyfriend for a year. We broke up because of culture differences we had & me not trusting him. Despite our culture differences, me & him being from different countries we had a lot in common & even religion but his sisters didnt like the fact that im not where he is from & dont speak same language & that it would look just different. The trust issue i had with him was the girls he was talking to. Like he talked to this one girl a lot & introduced her to his cousins & when i read what they talked about i would spot something told deleted, but i didnt find anything inappropriate. Anyways we broke up on good terms meaning to stick as friends. In the 2 year period of the break up, he would text me on & off to see how im doing & ask about my family & i did the same sometimes & other times i ignored him or fought with him about why we broke up. I started dating this guy a few weeks later who he knew & he wasnt really friends with & who he hated & told me to stay away from. After the break up, I lost in touch with friends i had because i didnt feel like they were my friends. They never asked why we broke up or if i want help getting him back. They never asked about me & how i feel. So i turned to that guy who knew my ex & started dating him. I dated him because i wanted someone to make me forget my grieve, to heal my broken heart, to hang out & talk to & to make me get out of my depression mood after the break up. Later on i felt the guy i was with was using me. all he wanted was to kiss me, touch me, wants to see me in something sexy, stuff like that. I never had sex with him. we went to a hotel once where i took off my shirt & we kissed & i gave him a blowjob & thats it. We talked dirty on phone, he once tried to finger me but that was for split second & we stopped. I told him i wanted to break up with him & that was it. we dated only for a couple of months. I started to do other things to get out of my depression mood like reading articles on moving on. working a lot, focusing on school, praying to god to forgive me for my sins & to help me heal, talk to my mom & grandma & aunt. I kept in touch with rebound guy as friends but that didnt work. he would always try to touch me or kiss me & i found out he got married but he says he called off the wedding. a few times i saw him he started to talk to me as friends & stopped touching me but then i stopped talking to him & seeing him all together. till this day we just exchange hi & how are u. After 2 years,my first ex boyfriend started txting me saying i want to see u. We ended up meeting each other with his guy friends as well. We had a good time & talked about what we are up to & how his sister got engaged & he commented about how i look & smell & walked me to my car & gave me a hug. when we saw each other for first time in years after breaking up it didnt seem like years. it seemed as if i just met him last week. from their he would txt me how are u & we would talk about random things & he would txt again. What i think of my first boyfriend to get to my point about what im asking is. I love my first boyfriend. I think he is the one for me. i mean all these years we kept in touch. I love everything about him & willing to learn his language & culture. He knew i was willing to learn about his culture & language when we first started dating. I also love that he is successful & respectful. Like there is so much qualities that i like about him. I tried dating a guy recently other then the rebound guy i talked about to move on & meet other ppl but it didnt work out it didnt feel right.. it felt if i was pushing myself to date again. Like i try to look for another guy & stop dwelling on first bf i had but i cant. i still love him & i feel he is the one. If i were to ask my first bf for another chance to start dating again im afraid that the guy i had a rebound relationship with would come & say something to ruin my chances of getting back with my 1st bf & ruin my reputation. I feel so guilty of what i did with the rebound guy i dont know what i was thinking & how i could allow myself to do the things i did. i always pray to god for forgiveness. I beat up myself about it everyday. Does my 1st boyfriend need to know about my rebound relationship if i were to ask for another chance for us to date again? I really want a second chance with my 1st boyfriend. If you tell me i only listed the things i like about my first boyfriend but nothing bad its because i forgive him & i realize that the things i was upset about while i was in a relationship with him was something i misunderstood. I really love him but what do you guys think i should tell him or do?

Please if u are unsure of something ask me & ill add instead of making rude comments. This is very important to me. Thank you for your help. Merry christmas & happy new year.

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