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Welp, the ex contacted after 6 months.


snappy5

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Sent me an email asking me my plans for Christmas. I don't celebrate Christmas...

 

I sent a friendly reply and got a wall of text that reminded me of when we first met; full of funny whimsical sayings and links to videos. How engaging and how long since he's ever sent anything remotely like that to me in 3 years.

 

I replied asking him why he was talking to me now when he's basically been rather rude to me the couple of times I've sent him a greeting in the last 6 months.

 

He told me his move out of state didn't work out. I'm assuming the relationship didn't either but he blamed his job as talking about your new fling with your ex is rather taboo.

 

He's working on being the best person he can be. Hum.

 

The ball is in my court now. I don't feel as vindicated as I thought I would. I just feel sad for him.

 

Stay strong ladies and gents. Work on yourselves and they'll notice the new you and it won't be long until they become curious.

 

It is totally as they say. The moment you're ready to move on is usually the same time they reach that epiphany about how they actually want you. I think it's due to the fact you spent the whole time healing from the breakup while they spent the whole time trying burying their feelings for you. By the time you've healed is when they're actually starting to come to terms with what happened.

 

This exchange from Swingers the 1996 movie really helped me at one point.

 

"Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?

Rob: You don't call.

Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.

Rob: Right.

Mike: So I don't call either way?

Rob: Right.

Mike: So what's the difference?

Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.

Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?

Rob: Right.

Mike: Well that sucks.

Rob: Yeah, it sucks.

Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?

Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.

Mike: What do you mean?

Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.

Mike: Well what if she comes back first?

Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.

Mike: There's the rub.

Rob: There's the rub."

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He's contacting you and turning on the charm only because his new girl dumped him and/or didn't work out and he's lonely around the holidays. Remember, most people know how to turn on the charm when it suits them, and he knows you well enough to know what 'works' to charm you.

 

What most likely would happen here if you do see him is that he'd use you for a bit, either until the new girl takes him back or he meets someone else. Unless he is specifically telling you he was a jerk and that he made a mistake and was wrong and knows what went wrong and it won't happen again, you shouldn't consider continuing any contact with him. He may drop by for some ex-sex or a FWB situation otherwise, but that only stirs you up again for nothing.

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Respond to him if you don't care. You said you feel sad for him. Personally I see no problem as I tend to rid myself of attachment asap. Keep. It brief and keep up a little mystery. You suffered trying to get over him, he should get a taste of his own medicine. I assume you're beyond the point of wanting to reconcile....

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Just tell him straight if you don't want him, gets him out of your life faster so you can move on. If you do want to try again with him then just bite the bullet and take the chance, if it doesn't work out then end it yourself. That's just my opinion rather than just a standard "NC" reply.

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