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Losing momentum in dating


whattodowhattodo

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So my specific current situation has been posted elsewhere ( ) but I was interested in a broader question of maintaining momentum in early-stage dating when there one of the two of you is going to be away for a couple of weeks or more.

 

Interested in hearing others' experiences of breaks in seeing each other and communication in early stage dating, and how this has panned out for you. Did this completely ruin the momentum and kill off whatever budding romance might have been starting up? Did you meet again and it was like nothing had happened? How did you act when you saw each other again - was it like taking a step or two back?

 

My previous experience has not been positive. I met a girl over summer and had two AMAZING dates with her. Lots of attraction and physicality (no sex) from the get go, but between dates two and three she went away for three weeks. For the first two weeks there was no contact at all, then on the third when she was back in the country there was some light banter. Date three seemed to go well too, but she text me afterwards saying she was no longer feeling it, and I suspect the break was (at least partly) to blame.

 

I guess my suspicion is that whilst absence certainly does make the heart grow fonder when there is a substantial bond/relationship, when you haven't had a chance to form that connection (through either more dates or sex), absence can put a wedge between things.

 

What do you think?

 

Oh, and Merry Christmas!

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The one and only time that had happened to me was a few years ago. I had met a guy through friends and we started dating. We went on 3-4 dates (didn't have sex), everything seemed great and then I had to go away for 2 weeks. While I was away we stayed in contact through emails, texts, phonecalls, the works. However, the same day I came back, he told me 'this wasn't working' and we broke up. Since we were in the same group of friends, I could see that there was noone else he had gotten involved with, so, I guess, it's what you're saying...the momentum was ruined. I think that only when you're really into someone (for example have had a crush on them for a while), absence won't matter. If you've just met them, it's difficult to remain connected to them when they're away.

Merry Christmas to you, too

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Hmm. This isn't encouraging!

 

How far had you gotten with him in terms of romance escalation by the time you went away? Had he made any moves by this point? Did he elaborate on why he didn't think it was working? Was the contact whilst you was away regular, and could this have contributed (without seeing each other) too the killing of the romance for him do you think?

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Well, we had just said we liked each other, had exchanged a few kisses, nothing too heavy but it seemed to be going fine. When you say moves? If you mean sexual moves, no. As to why it wasn't working, his excuse was that he was too busy with practice (he was a basketball coach) and didn't have enough time for me...which was a lie because I kept seeing him around as much as before.

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I was in a somewhat similar scenario this summer. I met a guy, we went out on a date and had a great time. He immediately set up another date a few days later. We went hiking and to the beach where we spent hours and hours together. He was very very into me. Unfortunately, he went away a week later for a month long trip, but promised to contact me upon arrival home. He messaged me the day he got home and we set up a date for the next day. We watched a movie, made dinner, and had sex. The physical connection was very strong, but I felt the conversation was lacking. After this date, we texted and kept in touch, but we didn;t make plans to see each other for three weeks! Our last date was an awkward lunch, and we never saw one another again. I have no idea if the same outcome would have happened if he didn't go away for a month...or if we just weren't compatible. Who knows!

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Timing is very important in dating. And I think it's very difficult to maintain momentum early when there is a huge break.

 

The only personal story I can think of was a woman I met online. We dated a couple of times. Things were going very well. Then she got very sick. And on top of that our schedules just didn't line up. Two weeks of that and momentum vanished. We talked about it later. Both agreed it was a shame. Just bad timing that's all.

 

I think you answered your question in your last paragraph.

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Honestly my experience has been the opposite. For my longest relationships there has been a two to four week break in the beginning. The break seemed to make them more interested.

 

Look the more important factor is if the person you are dating is looking for a relationship AND views you as that person possibly. If they lose interest due to a relatively short two week break then they really were not that interested to begin with.

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Look the more important factor is if the person you are dating is looking for a relationship AND views you as that person possibly. If they lose interest due to a relatively short two week break then they really were not that interested to begin with.

 

Agreed. Whenever I had a "break" early while dating someone, it didn't make me forget about them or lose interest.

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