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My head wasn't in the right place and have texted. Regretting already.


shootingstarz

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It's been only little over a week since we broke up (he made the decision). I have accepted the break up yet small part of me questions if we can have a clean slate. I was doing fine and still am. But, with these holidays coming up and tomorrow being the Christmas. I guess my head wasn't straight. I texted, nothing about the break up or anything. Small simple text. I happen to hear something on the radio which reminded of something we used to talk about and laughed. As soon as I clicked "send" button. I regretted right away. Surprisingly, he replied right away, replying to the subject of the text and wishing me merry Christmas. Friends tells me that he still hasn't changed his fb stats.... I haven't yet replied to his reply....... I should in this situation right?

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We talked over the phone. We had business side to take care of. during the conversation I did mention about possibility of 2nd chance. I have told him that the past relationship is over and have accepted and how he felt about later down the road given time and space. He says it is too early, he still stand at what he have decided and that he isn't optimistic as I am at the moment. He doesn't want to say or do anything to lead me on. He says let things be for now and give some time. He doesn't think his feelings will change but will keep it open minded. And, during these times, he isn't going to date anyone else. I am glad I had this talk with him. From his voice, I can tell he is done. His words had no emotions. Yes, I could have waited longer to contact him but for me, if it's done its better to confirm and accept the final break up within myself in order to forget and move on. I did texted couple more times after we talked on the phone. Just recapping our conversation. He didn't respond. I needed hard truth and reality. This is the time where I am removing myself completely from him. Earlier you accept and face the reality, the better it gets.

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maybe had it been 2-3 months i would say that would be ok to send the initial text, but come on, you just broke up. he wont forget you, dont worry. just give him space. he asked for it, and you're doing the opposite, it's pushing him away. he needs enough time to pass to think you've actually moved on. I know michael fiore reccommends those texts too, but again, it's much later down the line, at least 30, but usually takes place in the 2-3 month post break up time.

 

Im not suggesting you do that, as you need to get over your ex - i.e. 2-3 months. 2-3 months (id say 3) is usually enough to reset a lot of the bad feelings that were left in the past relationship, but you really need to change you, because if you continue your same insecure behaviours, you wont last more than a couple days before he regrets getting back together with you. You really absolutely need to work on you, simply for yourself (not your ex).

 

BUT DO NOT expect him to com back, as 90/98% chance he wont. So that's why I and everyone here say to move on and get over him. It's only once you're over him that you can reassess what happened. Maybe you can talk again, but whether you get back or not should not affect you. you need to get to that point, and the way your posting above is you're nowhere close to that.

 

Im sorry this is tough, we all are going through it. It gets better.

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Sweetie, please don't read into what he's said there. That is a classic dumper line and means nothing.

 

He's only trying to soften the blow -- and keep you in a holding pattern these next few months as a backup plan while he looks around to see who else is out there for dating.

 

Just because he SAID he doesn't intend to date others, don't believe it for one second. OF COURSE he's looking and OF COURSE he's not going to tell you that. He doesn't want to hurt you further, for one.... and he also doesn't want to lose you as an emotional safety net in case he doesn't meet anyone else or changes his mind about you down the line.

 

Please don't keep yourself in limbo, hoping he'll change his mind someday.

 

Don't just wait a few months and then contact him again.

 

What you need to do right now is put the focus entirely on YOU, on YOUR life and YOUR healing. On doing the things you need to do to feel better -- physically, emotionally, socially, professionally, in every way. That's what you need to be thinking about -- obsessing about, even! Your life, your healing -- spending time with people who love and support you, working out hard every day, making new goals for yourself and finding other things to do that feed your soul! Not counting days and weeks since your last bit of contact with a man who's broken up with you.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

 

Anytime you feel like contacting him in the future, just log on here and post about it -- or just read through other threads for strength, it works!

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Thanks everyone. Honestly, I really don't know what I am feeling. Def. I am effected by the break up. What I don't know is, If I am having hard time moving on because I miss him or the fact that I got dumped is hard to accept?. Since the BU my heart had no effect. Even during/after the conversation I wasn't nervous. Again, no feelings as far as my heart goes (no ache, tightness, nervousness etc). I have no anger, no hate, no resentments none of those. He initiated the break up. I wasn't really prepared to that measure but I knew it had to be done. And, I do not miss him the way someone should miss their ex after the break up. I don't sit around thinking about him or thinking what could have done differently etc. Only thing is adjusting to a new routine. Yes, I could have waited little longer before contacting him but we had to take care of some business matter and thought sooner we take care of it I could cut all contacts with him. Few months back, we bought a new car for me to have (we were planning on getting married down the road. it was careful decision). He was making the payment and in exchange I worked at his ofc on wkend. I wanted to contribute towards the payment and he didnt have to hire another temp. Next payment due was in few days. Now that we are no longer together. We had to talk about the options. Honestly, $400 monthly payment for next 4 years is a lot for me. I didn't expect this but he says not to worry that he will continue making the payments to full and that he know I need the car and the payments be too much for me. The mistake I have made was. I should have ended the conversation right there and then that the business was taken care of... but I made the mistake by going further and had to talk about the possibility. When I don't even know wanting him back is what I really want right now. Because, I totally understand about needing space and time. I need this more than he does. When I suggested the possibility. I am not thinking anytime soon. I don't even know where I will be when ever that time comes. I could be in a new relationship or he could for all I know. One thing that I still haven't come to understanding is that why my heart feels no emotions. I have had BUs before and I know how it feels. Emotions are at mess, Ill be fine one day and not the next. the sadness, emptiness, tightness and heavy on the chest. But, why am I not having any of these feelings with this BU? Am I still in denial??

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I have similar feeling as you do, and I think it is healthy one, because you are not lost yourself to someone… my ex did same thing as you, and I know I love him, but I am not blind to love, there are two part of my ex, one is A and other one is B, I love A, but not B, if he is not improving B, I will not go back , finally I have learned be connect my heart and my mind this time. during the BU, we all clouded by emotion and miscommunication, it is good go NC or NIC to center yourself, you might feel sad, angry… same to your ex as well, the best to distance yourself from him for while, then you can see the big picture, either you want be with him or without him…

 

it is true, when you are dumped, as human you want be up-handed,no one want be rejected(I was ready to BU with my ex sametime, as I could not take anymore)… I truly believe if ex want be with you, and they will find their way to you, the space that you give each other, will give both of you to realize if you really want be with each other.

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