I'm so angry at myself today

[CleoC]

3 months after the break up, I'm starting to feel better. I still cry and have nightmares sometimes but I'm accepting the break up. The first few months everytime we talked I told him how depressed I was, that he was the love of my life and I felt I was going to die.

But then, the last time I talked to my ex, which was a week ago, I told him that I didn't want to be sad anymore, that he was a very nice person so I wished him a very happy life. And that he gave me more love than anyone else. And that maybe we can be friend someday.

He answered that he was happy because of the way I thought of him, that he loved me and he wished that in the future we could be friends.

 

In that moment I just felt that I want him to keep a good memory of me. That's why I sent that email. And today I really regret it.

This man left me and start dating with a new woman. He left saying he was depressed and couldn't do that anymore. I thought he would be alone for a while but he didn't, he started dating this new woman. He probably even met her while he was with me. I think he wouldn't have left me if there were no one around him.

 

So I feel really angry myself. He is probably happy with this new woman and he doesn't feel guilty anymore about leaving me because I sent him that email.

It's not like I want to punish him or something. I just wish he could understand how much pain I felt (and feel) because of him.

I won't ever be his friend. I want friends that love me, not friends that made me feel that awful.

 

I know I shouldn't care but I think I made a mistake and now he may think he is a very nice person. I'm doing NC and I won't ever talk to him again but I just wish he could feel realize how much pain he did to me and feel a little guilty

[silversoul]

Oh god, my ex broke up with me for the same reason - depression, can't take it anymore. Now he is talking to a girl though, will be so ironic if they get into a relationship.

 

I think if you felt it that way when you ended the relationship, don't beat up for yourself. If you showed him how much pain you were in, maybe you would regret that today too

[Romeo November]

Stop dwelling on the email. Turn you pain positive and do things for yourself. Move on and stay NC.

[No1]

Don't worry about the letter, you wrote and sent him that letter for you too. You wanted your closure and do you think it was an invitation for him to date another girl? He would of done that eventually with or without your letter.

You are wasting too much energy focusing on something that you had no control of. Get rid of the want for him to feel guilty or miss you. Don't worry if he thinks about you because who cares? If you must know, he does think of you, and Im sure he does miss you but he is on another path than you. No one said you cant be happy to. Wipe the tears and don't let him make you miserable.

[CleoC]

Thank you all. I'm really trying to move on. And everyday I feel a little better.

But I can't take this out of my mind. I think it's not fair how I made it emotionally easier for him acting like I'm fine with how this turned out.

[PamJamzz21]

The letter you set him reflects you feelings at the time you wrote it! Don't regret but try to embrace it and move on. You were the bigger person. & if you must- although- it probably wouldn't be the best idea- write him another email expressing your TRUE feelings an resentments now the weight can be lifted from you.

[CleoC]

I sent that email a week ago. I felt I had to in that moment. But as time passes, I really regret it. I won't send him anything else. I won't talk to him again. But I just wish there was a way to make him realize that what he did wasn't right.

Maybe if I never talk to him again he'll get the message. I don't know.

[Lucha]

The letter you set him reflects you feelings at the time you wrote it! Don't regret but try to embrace it and move on. You were the bigger person. & if you must- although- it probably wouldn't be the best idea- write him another email expressing your TRUE feelings an resentments now the weight can be lifted from you.

 

Agreed, it were your feeling at that moment so it was good you sent it. But Your feelings will change another million times or so within the next six months. No need to send an email everytime. In fact I did sent angry texts i even yelled at her on the phone and told her how incredibly mad i was at her for doing this to me. I couldn't help but say ugly things. Didn't make me feel any better though. I guess i understand you thinking he will have no guilty feeling now but actually, when you do send an angry mail now, it is too late. He will not be affected bc he is long gone. I feel for you!

[CleoC]

I won't send him anything else. It's pointless. But I can't help feeling angry about the way I acted. Everything is so easy for him right now.

[Jay98]

I feel the same way as you! He led me on for months then suddenly decided to bugger off! And now he is telling people I am lovely and he feels guilty. I feel like NOTHING even though other guys have asked me out. Screw them! Your value is determined by you!

[CleoC]

He probably met this woman when he was with me, left me to be with her even if he says he didn't. And then I just sent that email acting like everything was finally ok, which is not true.

I'm making some progress, making plans and trying to move on. But I've never been this depressed in my life and he doesn't know it, he wouldn't care anyway. He is ok with his new girl like I've never existed.

[SirLuscious]

Yeah it hurts when they get on with life like we never existed, We just have to do the same, As hard as that is.

Try exercising and seeing a counsellor for your depression, They're quite a good combo.