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Lots of mixed signals(Long, but TLDR included)


DigitalNerd

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TLDR: This girl seems interested in me sometimes, but she doesn't always act like she is. Cancelled 2 dates for good reasons. I'm still not sure what's going on.

 

So about a month ago I met this girl on a phone app. It isn't meant for dating and her post came up in the nearby feed and I had commented on it. She ended up messaging me and we started talking. I have really bad trust issues and I'm a really guarded person in general; I have also never had a girlfriend or done anything with a woman, which is unusual for a 21 year old guy. She gave me her number a bunch of times, but I would always decline because she could be some guy screwing with me on the other end of the convo. Anyway, we talked for 2 weeks and at some point she notices I seem a bit depressed; I tell her it isn't really anything I'm just a little down about being alone. She asks "did you ever once think that was the reason I gave you my stupid number like 20 times?" and then it kind of clicked.

 

I texted her, giving her my number and I've opened up a bit. We've talked on the phone and I've asked her out a couple of times. The first time I asked her if she wanted to see the second Hobbit movie, since we both like the Lord of the Rings series, and she agreed. We had settled on the day, but not on a time and while we were working on a time she stopped texting for an hour or so; then texted back and started talking about something else, when I brought up that we hadn't settled on a time it was a small gap again and she texted back apologizing for falling asleep. There are normally gaps in our conversations, but I did feel like she was avoiding setting up a time. Anyway we still hadn't settled on a time and I text her asking if we're still going to be going to the movies. She says she's been at the hospital with her friend all night and that her friend is having her baby early.

 

Normally I would take a cancel without trying to set up another time as uninterested and give up; but I figured she had been up all night with her friend and that her excuse seemed valid enough. So then I was asking if she was free this weekend, she had a final and some makeup homework from a previous illness. I figured it was obvious i was asking her out and took that as a rejection, so I just stopped trying for it. So Saturday we're texting and I guess she picked up on that or something because she told me to stop being depressed and said "If you want lets go hang out I want out of here." So we settle on something and she says she can't find her wallet. She calls me while she's looking for it and eventually we end the call because she figures she left it in her friends car, an hour or so later she finds it and texts me back and asks "Do wanna just walk around and talk, no dinner or anything yet?" then we notice its raining she says "Do you want to wait it's cold and pouring outside we can do something tomorrow when it's not so crappy and everyone will be at church" I had plans with my grandma and family for our Christmas party on Sunday so I had asked if she was free on Monday instead.

 

While we're working that out, she calls me up and says she just decided to say screw it and that she's on her way to the first place we had decided on and to meet her there. I'm fine with that so I get in my truck and start driving; I'm halfway there when she calls me again and says that her friend just called and that something is up with her baby and they're going to the hospital. She apologizes a bunch and says she'll make it up to me and not to think that she's blowing me off. Then she asks if I'm mad, I wasn't even if she had been blowing me off I would have understood, and makes me promise I'm not. Then as I'm driving back home she calls again in the parking lot of the Hospital and says she's really really sorry and says not to be mad; and probably the cutest cancellation I've experienced "Promise you're not mad? Promise? Promise promise? Promise promise promise?" she ends up getting to "Promise promise promise promise promise promise?" Before telling me again that she'll make it up to me and tells me to think of what I want to do on our date.

 

I feel like I'm getting a lot of mixed signals with her but I think that's something that could just be in my head, and then later on I think that later thought could be just me being too optimistic and not realistic. I could use an outside opinion on this, and possibly tips because I know that I'm absolutely horrible at this. Just say something if anymore information is needed, but I feel this post is already too long.

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TLDR: This girl seems interested in me sometimes, but she doesn't always act like she is. Cancelled 2 dates for good reasons. I'm still not sure what's going on.

 

 

When women cancel without good reasons they are not interested. When women send mixed signals use the negative signals as the baseline for their interest.

 

I did read the rest. Thanks for using paragraphs. It reiterates and confirms your TLDR. Sorry for not having a more optimistic outlook. I don't know a lot, but when it comes to mixed signals and blown off dates my experience has never lied to me.

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When women cancel without good reasons they are not interested. When women send mixed signals use the negative signals as the baseline for their interest.

 

I did read the rest. Thanks for using paragraphs. It reiterates and confirms your TLDR. Sorry for not having a more optimistic outlook. I don't know a lot, but when it comes to mixed signals and blown off dates my experience has never lied to me.

 

Thank you for your reply; I thought i might have been too optimistic about it. It actually might be okay that I was too optimistic about it this time because usually I assume the worst.

I probably will try to arrange one more date though; since 3 strikes is usually my go to.

She's probably the most unusual girl I've talked to. I don't usually get texts from girls telling me they're playing with themselves or that they wish I was in the shower with them. It was nice

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She's just killing time and isn't serious about meeting you. The last paragraph of your last post confirmed it for me.

 

I guess I should have known better.

Any time somebody says they won't hurt you, that's all they'll do.

Back to being overly skeptical; that's never done me wrong.

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Any time somebody says they won't hurt you, that's all they'll do.

 

I'm a big believer of that. In general, when I hear someone say 'I'm a good guy, I won't hurt you' blah blah, I'm sure the opposite is true. If someone is nice and considerate, they don't need to say it, they just are.

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i'll give slightly different advice - both cancellations were the result of something being wrong with her friend's baby? i'm going to assume for a moment that this is her BFF and also the ride to the hospital. IF you decide to give her another chance, she should make the effort (driving to a location/time that is convinient for YOU).

 

Though I don't think it's really a good sign if you haven't met in person and there's already drama.

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She is definitely not interested. Too much cancelling.

 

I do think you really need to work on your trust issues or you will keep attracting this same type.

 

Try talking to women in real life.

 

I do talk to women in real life, I've never gone on the internet looking for one. I just saw a post and commented on it and then we started talking. Not that going after women in real life does much for me, I'm not usually seen as anything more than a friend.

 

 

i'll give slightly different advice - both cancellations were the result of something being wrong with her friend's baby? i'm going to assume for a moment that this is her BFF and also the ride to the hospital. IF you decide to give her another chance, she should make the effort (driving to a location/time that is convinient for YOU).

 

Though I don't think it's really a good sign if you haven't met in person and there's already drama.

 

It is her best friend, and she had said a few times that she's all her friend has other than her parents. Her friend's boyfriend ditched her early into the pregnancy, which is why I was understanding of the cancellations.

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She just texted me again saying she got me a Christmas present yesterday, I guess to make up for canceling. Then said everything is a huge mess for the holidays but that she owes me a date when everything dies down

 

I'm going to give her the third try and see if she decides to strike out. Thank you guys for the insight.

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How far from you does she live?

 

20-30 minutes depending on traffic; we're in separate cities but still fairly close. I live in a college town and she lives in a smaller town; it's common for people in her town to come to ours all the time because they don't have any movie theaters or a mall over there.

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