My looks are really depressing me

[GaaraKitten]

I have a really ugly face and I am extremely depressed because of it, it's not just in my mind or anything. I hear it all the time in public, I get a lot of people staring at me, whispering about it and saying stuff like "I bet she has a sparkling personality," etc.. I look really ugly and like a man. I wasn't always ugly though.. in fact a year ago I looked just fine. I had an eating disorder and after I got to a proper weight, my face started changing and for the worst.. I'd never been called ugly in public until summer of 2013, I didn't even notice how much my face had changed. Someone on another answering site said it's probably because I tampered with the levels of subcutaneous fat in my face and since I got my eating disorder during puberty (I was almost 15) and that it's very likely my eating disorder could have changed my face because I probably got rid of muscle and subcutaneous fat when I developed it (I was eating like 500-1000 calories a day and dropped 45 pounds in 5 months) Which is a lot considering I wasn't even overweight to begin with. But now I am severely depressed, I can't go outside because I got really sick of the nasty comments, I get laughed at at school, I have no friends because of social anxiety.. and being ugly is making it 200% worse. I honestly do not care about anything except how ugly i am and I'm set on getting at least 50k of plastic surgery because I can't accept it.. I can't be happy ugly and that's that. I like shopping for clothes and it's no fun at all when you're ugly, I hate being the ugly/plain friend so I don't even want any friends. My future feels hopeless until I get plastic surgery. I really want to fall in love one day but I doubt anyone will before plastic surgery with the ugly face I have. I want to get tattoos and piercings but again that's no fun when you're ugly.. It's not fair, there are literally zillions of DNA combinations and I get stuck with THIS one..

I don't know what to do, it's literally driving me crazy. My parents are the ONLY ones who say I'm not ugly.. I'm going to see a doctor because my depression is affecting my grades at school but I don't see what good it will do. I don't want to go on anti-depressants or in to therapy because I don't WANT to be happy ugly, the only thing I want or care about is plastic surgery.. I'm not going to accept something this terrible that doesn't HAVE to be accepted because of plastic surgery.. but what can I do in the mean time to cope?

[savignon]

I would suggest some therapy and perhaps yoga/meditation and reading about improving your esteem. It's highly improbable that you're actually so ugly that strangers comment in public so I'm guessing the issue isn't that at all and it's something else that needs to be addressed. Therapy would be a great start.

[GaaraKitten]

I would suggest some therapy and perhaps yoga/meditation and reading about improving your esteem. It's highly improbable that you're actually so ugly that strangers comment in public so I'm guessing the issue isn't that at all and it's something else that needs to be addressed. Therapy would be a great start.

 

That's the thing though I AM and it's not in my head the only "therapy" that will work is like 50-100k worth of facial femnization and plastic surgery

[jaded123]

There are no ugly people.

 

****'em and whatever anyone else thinks. You are beautiful.

[savignon]

Well you ask what you can do to be happy in the meantime (while saving for surgery). The thing you can do is accept yourself the way you are. Let's say it takes 10 years to save $50-100k...if you're planning on being miserable and hating yourself for the next 10 years it will impact every area of your life. Invest in your emotional well-being instead of your cosmetic appearance. It'll be worth every penny.

[browneyedgirl36]

Actually, therapy CAN help you -- you just have to be willing to do it. What you have is body dysmorphic disorder, which is characterized by focusing on one or more aspects of one's appearance (usually it's just one main feature, but it can be one's whole face and/or body) and hating it/thinking it is "hideous"/trying to hide or change it, etc.

 

I'm wondering how many "ugly" comments you've actually gotten; while I don't doubt that at least one person has said that to you (people can be stupid and cruel sometimes, for sure), the vast majority of people are NOT that cruel and wouldn't say something like that even if they were actually thinking it. I'm wondering if it's something you've heard once or twice -- because really, that's all it takes to make someone feel terrible about themselves -- and you've blown it out of proportion. If you have, as you said, had an eating disorder in the past, you're already prone to this sort of thinking, and if even ONE person has made a rude comment, you could, in your mind, easily turn it into "everyone thinks I'm ugly." I was called "fat" a lot when I was young, and while I certainly was chubby, I was in no way obese, or even significantly overweight, really. For YEARS I thought of myself as a "fat girl" -- that was how, in my mind, I described myself. I carried myself that way, too -- no confidence whatsoever. Over time, things changed for me, drastically, and when I look at pictures of myself at the time that bullies were most cruel to me, I see a normal girl who was maybe 15 pounds overweight -- certainly not a "fat girl." For a long time, though, that was my identity -- at least in my mind. I got past it, though, and you can as well, but given your history of having an eating disorder, you're going to need a lot of help with that.

 

Plastic surgery (which is costly and can be dangerous, too), might "fix" surface issues with your face (if indeed you really have any), but it doesn't fix what's inside. It can't heal emotional pain, low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, etc. If you're set on it, start saving up for it, but you really need therapy, too, to get to the heart of what is fueling this self-hatred.

 

I suspect that you are probably perfectly normal-looking. Most of us have been called "ugly" at one time or another -- including me. It's a cruel thing that people -- mostly young people/kids say just to get a reaction, and they don't really mean it.

[ParisPaulette]

Okay, the fact is if you looked fine before you can again. I do suspect this has something to do with your eating disorder, because you say you looked fine when you were severely underweight and the fact is no one does. No matter how much they and some twisted people who also have closet disorders might think. You also sound very young and frankly this may be a growth issue--i.e. many times someone looks weird or ugly at some stage of early development through childhood and teens then blossoms. So hang on, because what is happening right now may very well right itself again soon. I looked very skinny and awkward and geeky in my 15th year, just awful in fact. Then 16 wasn't too bad, 17th birthday and I was suddenly the belle of the ball, because I gained weight, my features smoothed out, I got the braces off. I actually ran into several former classmates who carried on like I was some sort of miracle, which actually annoyed me no end. I've seen two of my kids go through it too, so yes it does happen like that to plenty of people.

 

Also get yourself to a good makeup artist for a makeover. They can show you how to style your hair, what makeup and clothes to wear to make the most of what you have. And what suits you. Plastic surgery while you are still growing is a very bad idea and no ethical plastic surgeon is going to touch you anyways. It doesn't sound like you so much maybe have an issue as you don't necessarily know what to do to help in the meantime. You aren't alone in this BTW there are plenty of celebs who actually are not pretty--think Sarah Jessica Parker for instance--and yet they make the most of what they've got and do just fine. But the big thing is be kind to yourself even if no one else is right now, because what you look like in childhood and the teen years is quite often not how you will look as an adult. More than one celeb/model has talked about how they were teased for being ugly as a kid then turned into a gorgeous adult. Also as you get older you will care less and less about looks, yours and others, anyways.

 

I know this may not mean anything to you right now, but just please think about holding off on the plastic surgery. The wrong surgeon can make things worse, not better and it may be you don't even really need anything but time. Also do not underestimate the power of the right haircut, makeup and clothing that suit you. Focus your attention there for now if you're going to focus it anywhere. And yes just having someone to talk to can help you tremendously, so therapy can help there. I had a very cool therapist when I was a teenager and in a lot of ways she made me realize beauty is subjective and not necessarily a one-size fits all kind of thing. Let someone else give you that chance too.

[GaaraKitten]

No, a year ago I wasn't severely underweight. I still looked healthy but I could tell I wasn't at a healthy weight because I was always cold and hungry. I was about 5'2" and 110 pounds and now I'm 130 (but I really don't look it) I have a bigger bone structure .. I turned 17 in September so i'm really worried my face might be stuck like . I was told I was "cute," in grade 9 before I developed my eating disorder, then in grade 10/11 I was plain looking. Now I'm recovered and ugly as f*ck.. I feel so disgusting being in this body.. I go to the gym and I look back and the people at the front desk are hanging their mouths in shock, when I go to job interviews the interviewer sometimes widens their eyes in shock, I hear people say stuff like "she's f**king ugly" "I bet she has a sparkling personality" Once an old man was walking with his daughter in the grocery store and I heard him whisper "she's.. " i couldn't hear the second word but I covered my mouth with a slip of paper to block my face and he said "sorry" so I take it that's what he was saying. I really don't want to spend 2-3 hrs a day with make-up not to be called ugly.. and small amounts won't do anything. Mascara makes me look creepy

[GaaraKitten]

Well a lot of people are saying it, and I'm not imagining it. People at school say "she was cute in grade 9 now she's fugly as f*ck" They make remarks like "that's probably the ugliest girl in the world". I'm a normal weight so the depressing part is the only thing that will make me better looking is plastic surgery, I've tried small amounts of make-up and I'm just not the type of person who has the energy or patience (or money, for that matter) to spend 2-3 hours on hair and make-up. I look a lot like a man, I get told I literally look like a cross dresser. It really makes me mad how my ugly face is tied in to my identity and that when people think of me my ugly face probably comes up as an image in their head.

 

My mom is taking me to a doctor's appointment because she's very worried about my mental health because my grades are so low this year. I've been really, really depressed since I noticed just how ugly my face has become. I don't know, she recommended to me medication but I don't believe I need it. I don't want a false sense of happiness.. I want plastic surgery and real happiness. I don't need social anxiety medication either because I'm not even afraid of people, I just don't like being around them if I have to be ugly. Being around average/attractive people makes me really sad.. I know for a fact I'm actually objectively ugly. Most people don't call random people out on the street for being ugly, they only do it for fun if it's someone they know usually..

[ParisPaulette]

I didn't actually say 2 to 3 hours of makeup and hair and BTW if it takes anyone that long, they don't know what they're doing. I meant go get some objective help from an outsider on how to look good being yourself. The right haircut can make a difference, I have a high forehead and a scar from where a horse threw me, I wear bangs I look good, I don't and I look bad. It's just a fact, so I wear bangs. That's what I'm talking about. If you aren't willing to do any work in looking good then yes, your attitude has something to do with it. And I don't really see how gaining an extra 20 pounds makes a difference in your face. I don't actually even know what you mean by needing plastic surgery or what about you is so bad. You say you look like a man and all I think is okay, you have a square-shaped face and jaw or wear your hair in an unflattering short style. Otherwise I don't quite know what you mean.

 

And stop looking at plastic surgery as the answer to everything, it's not. Plenty of people got it and end up looking worse ala Michael Jackson. Try other things first, if you have something's deformed fine then get that fixed but I suspect that isn't the problem here.

[annie24]

What sucks is that society wraps up so much of a woman's worth in her looks. Even if a woman is ugly, so what? Does that mean she can't contribute to society, be a good person, and have a relationship? Big hugs. I hope you get some good counseling.

[GaaraKitten]

Well I know girls at school talking about needing 2 1/2 hours to get ready.. I'm afraid to go to a hairplace because I'm afraid they'll look at me funny or treat me badly because those places are all about aesthetics.. and some of the hair dressers I've met are really uppity. I look a lot worse with bangs and I have a high forehead.

 

I think I delayed my skeletal/facial growth when I had my ED and that it continued once I got to a healthy weight for my body, and unfortunately for me it changed for the worst Also some of the changes can along with age, and I've always had a few manly features and now that I'm older I look like a legit man..

 

Idk it's mainly my cheeks that are the problem, they're too long, thin and flat, my chin and jaw just don't go well together and make me look repulsive, guys have shuddered as I walk by them because of my face. My nose is also big and fleshy and it has a slight bump in the bridge. I hate how big my forehead is Also the skin around my nose/cheeks has very large pores, and I have scars from the chicken pox.

 

I want a nose job, I want my chin shaved/altered slightly to be more rounded , I want my cheek bones shortened if they can be, I want fat deposits around my eyes to get rid of the purple/red marks, I want cheek implants and fat injections in my cheeks .. My face is kind of a combination between rectangle and oval.

The difference between me and people like Michael Jackson is that he looked absolutely fine, whereas I actually am hideous >.

[GaaraKitten]

What sucks is that society wraps up so much of a woman's worth in her looks. Even if a woman is ugly, so what? Does that mean she can't contribute to society, be a good person, and have a relationship? Big hugs. I hope you get some good counseling.

 

Of course she can contribute to society and be a good person, but the relationship thing is debatable.. most attractive people aren't attracted to ugly people.. and I know this may sound shallow but I don't think I could settle for another ugly person just because I couldn't get an average or attractive person..

[bulletproof]

Have you considered that you are possibly wrong about this the same way you were wrong about being overweight? It seems more like you have now conquered the eating disorder, but you've shifted the focus to something else.

 

I'm not doubting you if you say you've heard people actually say things, but there weren't that many solid examples- more like what you think people were saying, etc. The mind is very powerful. Be careful you're not letting it trick you.

 

But I agree with all those that therapy would be incredibly helpful. It sounds like your parents want to help you, take them up on it.