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No where else to turn.. My story.


radioguy11

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Hi everyone, I'm reaching out because I need some guidance..

 

I'll try and keep my story as short as possible.

 

I'm a gay guy in my early 20s who has been in a relationship with another gay guy slightly younger than me for four years. We were happy, together all the time, had the same values, morals, etc.

 

Everything was fine. Until two months ago. He decided he'd needed a break. Now, I was his first boyfriend, true love, and sexual partner. He was not mine. I am a year older than him and came out earlier, so I got out there and found out the hard way how hard it is to find someone who is a truly good person. Especially in the gay community.

 

Back to two months ago... He needed a break. Out of nowhere. To focus on his friends, family, work, school. The night before the sudden break, he called me like he did every night to say goodnight and that he loved me (even though we'd seen each other that same day). I was smothered with love. During the "break" we talked here in there once a week to see how each other were doing. Our mutual friend saw him and told me he asked her when was a good time to get back together.. Okay?

 

A few days ago he ended it. The night before he did, my sister found him on a dating website looking for a guy who is "caring, passionate, and friendly" blah blah blah. So i confronted him about it and told him that if he wanted to be with me he needed to end this break. But he ended the relationship. He said he was sorry and needed to see what else was out there. I thought the break was to work on himself?

 

I'm confused. I cried for about two days but now I've been doing fine. I mean, four years is a long time. I've started NC, which isn't hard but I read on a website about the "grass is greener syndrome" and he fits pretty well into it. Early twenties, drinking and partying right @ the turn of 21, different social groups, confusion.

 

He's stubborn and probably won't reach out to me. Which is what I hope, but I know isn't healthy.

 

Can anyone give me some input as to how I should put this together? If it's even worth it? Why as an outsider you'd see him doing something like this? I probably sound stupid but we were both not planning on ending it.

 

If anyone could help me or encourage me I'd really appreciate it. I have no where else to turn...

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I think first of all it's TOTALLY normal and healthy to still be hoping to hear from someone you love who's just broken up with you, no matter how hurtful the circumstances of the break. That's just human nature -- you can't just turn off your feelings overnight.

 

It takes time to get over these things -- and you can also help yourself recover by cutting off all contact with him, including (very importantly) blocking him on all online sites you use.

 

Here's a guide that will help you with No Contact: link removed

 

 

A few days ago he ended it. The night before he did, my sister found him on a dating website looking for a guy who is "caring, passionate, and friendly" blah blah blah. So i confronted him about it and told him that if he wanted to be with me he needed to end this break. But he ended the relationship. He said he was sorry and needed to see what else was out there. I thought the break was to work on himself?

 

It does sound like Grass is Greener syndrome to me -- like he's just at a point in his life where he's not ready to settle down yet. He's told you flat out that he wants to see who else is out there -- the most important thing you can do for yourself right now (other than cutting off contact) is to BELIEVE HIM.

 

This breakup may or may not be forever -- but for now, for YOUR healing, you need to act as if it is. That means putting the focus on yourself and doing everything you can to keep him and all news of him out of your daily life. You need to make a point of moving on and getting over him. There's lots of good information about this in the guide. Hard daily exercise really helps, spending time with people who love and support you, taking on projects and life goals that make you happy and feed your soul..... these are all really important right now.

 

I've had experience as a dumper in my early 20's who left my then-bf because of GIGS. We had no contact at all for many many months, I moved 3,000 miles away and dated other guys. Not to give you false hope, but in the end I did go back to my ex and we were married and were together for many years. Not to say this will happen in your situation, only to say that it does happen rarely -- and the BEST thing you can do for your healing as well as for any possible future reconciliation is to completely disappear from his world and keep him out of yours.

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