We would be getting married soon and I have some problems?

[sunny15]

I am 23. I met the woman 5 years ago. She is 8 years elder than me. She was destroyed..had her engagement breakup(which is a very bad thing in our culture that is Asia)..A male was also threatening her and her family was not helping her out.

 

II helped her out of that situation. We developed liking for each other and decided to get married. Now in 2014 we plan to get married..our families agree..But she always is involved in crisis of her family..the crisis of her sister's family (although these people also treated their sister and her badly..) but in this time she is helping them greatly..

 

Now she offers me less time..and you know I dont seem to be her pirority any more..this really is hurting me inside..If I try to talk, she will start to fight and you know that does not help. I have tried to talk but it is a much bad bad situation later on..

 

So my question is how can I really deal with myself at this moment..Please I am seeking self help..how can I reduce my pain and sufferring of feeling neglected and ignored..What should I do? Please talking to her and thinking she might change is a waste of time..Tried it didnt work..So what can I do..I wont leave her okay..so what can I do?

[Snny]

Engagement break ups are painful no matter what culture you're from.

 

So how long have you both been dating prior to your engagement? What is the family drama? I need more details in order to help you.

[sunny15]

Thank you for your concern and help.

We have been together for five years.

Her elder sister has family problems. Her husband cheated on her and had relationships with many women. Now he threatened to divorce her sister. This created a lot of tension in their home. Now in her family only she and her mother knows about all this drama. Her father is unaware of this all. Now her sister's husband recently got sick and had his foot remove. The tables turned..now the family of her brother in law was in mental trauma..So she and her family are really helping them out at this stage.

The brother of her brother in law also tried to get married to her in the past but she refused. He is now married though and lives in UK. But she and her family, now have a very soft corner for her sister's husband despite all that he did. They have forgiven him sort of. Although her family and sister were treated badly by them.

 

A broken engagement made her more vulnerable. She did a lot for her fiance but he demanded a lot of dowry. So this betrayal destroyed her internally. When I met her, a person was threatening her. That if you would not marry me, I would kill you and your family. But I made her strong and ultimately that matter was sorted. First of all I tried that her family must sort out this matter. I expected that the way she helps her family all the time, her family would do more for her in return. But unfortunately it never happened. They worried about their safety and started to persuade her to get married to that man who was threatening her. At that time, I stood by her and made her so strong in confident that she really stopped feeling threatened and everything was sorted out. Before that she had stopped living her life. But now she is so strong that she is managing family crisis and is running a whole organization as a senior admin. She is respected now.

I sacrificed a lot for her happiness. I lost opportunities just to see her happy. I have no regret because I love her. But she is so absorbed in all of this..that I miss her..I cannot even think of cheating on her..But I need comfort..I need time..I have my own psychological needs..so I feel ignored..and very alone..If I talk to her she would fight..that she would say that I wont understand her..I am so depressed you know..

[sunny15]

Engagement break ups are painful no matter what culture you're from.

 

So how long have you both been dating prior to your engagement? What is the family drama? I need more details in order to help you.

 

I am seeking advice basically on how to manage myself given the circumstances..It is very hard you know..

[Kendahke]

If you won't leave her, then you have to find a way to stomach her treatment of you and none of us can tell you how to do that.

 

I wouldn't tolerate anyone treating me the way she treats you. If she isn't going to change, then you have to either learn to live with what you can't rise above or leave her. She doesn't care enough about you and your feelings to treat your well--so think on that for a little bit. You do deserve to be treated with respect and if she wont' do it, find someone else who will. She'll get through another broken engagement and perhaps she will learn to check her nasty attitude if she wants to be married.