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I need some help with my sex life. What's the best thing I can do?


doingitmyway

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It was only about 12 months ago that I lost my virginity (Im 22 years old). Now since I split with that girl over relationship problems, I haven't had much in the way of sex until a few weeks ago. A girl who I'd liked a while just outright asked me for it and I went for it, but I noticed something I didn't really think about.

 

I don't feel any sensations on my parts except warmth (I dont even feel wetness or any kind of pressure on it at all). Now both the people I've slept with have mentioned to me that other people have mentioned they aren't very tight, but I haven't even gotten close to an orgasm with a partner. EVER. I can enjoy sex for intimacy (especially the cuddling and stuff afterwards) but I just can't seem to get off from it.

I've been to the hospital and GUM clinics and they say everything seems to be working fine and functioning right, and I don't have problems staying erect. I do have some postural issues that have effected my nerve endings before but I'm okay masturbating. I think the longest I tried for was two hours in one session, then we both got tired and gave up.

 

Focusing on that last point, I was a frequent masturbator. Sometimes several times a day, but I've been trying to cut my frequency back these last 12 months and made a lot of progress (Im now able to go about two weeks).

 

I've spoken to a family member and a doctor and both think it may be psychological issues stopping me loosening up with girls. I'm pretty sure I'm not a latent homosexual, but I've had some trust issues in relationships before, and I have always tried very hard in life to keep my composure and repress negative emotions, so I wondered if that's true as well.

 

I'm considering going back to the doctors about this. I haven't heard from my most recent girl for a while so I assume she's either very busy or it's not happening again, but either way I'd like to nip this in the bud while I'm young. Is there anyone else who suffers from this?

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Well speaking on my own experience. I'm much older than you and I have only been sexually active with my current girlfriend.

 

As someone who didn't date during high school or college, I found myself going on dates within my first post-graduate year and met my current girlfriend during that much more successful period.

 

I do think it's psychological as well as possibly being comfortable with your partner. I'm not shy about being in my underwear or naked with her, but I spent the prior 25+ years being sexually involved only with myself. So I also believe it's about transitioning to this new avenue of reaching orgasm.

 

Best advice I can give as I am still working on it, is continue to withhold from masturbating if you feel that helps you be more ready for sexual relief. And communicate with her about your sexual needs.

 

Just as I expect my partner to communicate what helps get her off, I need to know my body and what drives me sexually, so I can tell her what to do.

 

Also when I avoid masturbating, I do avoid any porn so that it doesn't become a temptation or objects with how I see my girlfriend.

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I think Im still in that transition period as you say, maybe Im too used to myself. I have performance issues and some serious trust issues with girls due to being used and cheated on before in other relationships with no signs of trouble beforehand.

 

I'm just surprised I havent found anything that makes me feel like I'm really enjoying the act down there. No tingles, no sense of touch unless its a hand

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If you feel her when she uses her hand and focus on that. Focus on telling her how to use her hand to get you off.

 

I don't have any trust issues with my girlfriend, I really think it's about inviting someone in to an experience that has primarily been solitary. Though if you don't even feel anything if you are inside of her, then I do not know what could cause that.

 

Are you emotionally attracted to her? When you kiss and make out does that turn you on? Have you tried going from whatever turns you on to sex?

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If you feel her when she uses her hand and focus on that. Focus on telling her how to use her hand to get you off.

 

I don't have any trust issues with my girlfriend, I really think it's about inviting someone in to an experience that has primarily been solitary. Though if you don't even feel anything if you are inside of her, then I do not know what could cause that.

 

Are you emotionally attracted to her? When you kiss and make out does that turn you on? Have you tried going from whatever turns you on to sex?

 

I am yeah, though she wants it as a buddy thing for now. We do make out when we have sex though, but I still don't have an orgasm. Same problem with my only other partner

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Maybe your too rough with your own hand and too used to it that way. Sex is generally more gentle-so is oral so my suggestion is to learn to be more gentle with yourself. Other than that it could be psychological. Perhaps see a hypnotherapist?

 

I'm not sure what a hypnotherapist could offer me since I'm not a big believer in that sort of thing

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