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Is there such a thing as being too honest or too nice?


Riverpeaks

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I've struggled to this current day to find a girlfriend. In saying this, I also have a problem with getting too attached to people I just meet. I fear losing the people I care about, but at the same time I don't show it. Which often makes them think I'm neglecting them which isn't the case.

 

Lately, I've tried being more affectionate and open. It was going well, with 1 girl in particular I met online that lived in my town.

 

She had alot going on in her life, issues with her family in which she felt happy to share with me. I would try my best to help her and be someone that listened and cared. Which I did. Things was going well. So well, that we went to meet up at a spot she always loved and often visited with friends. A park with an ocean view.

 

It was night time at a quiet place with no lighting. Because this was the first time we met, I felt that if I was too touchy it would have come of rather creepy because of the scenario. So instead I kept my distance. The night started of sketchy, quiet and a tad awkward. But after a bit of talking, we started connecting. Walking along the footpath talking about everything. It was good.

 

Afterwards we headed back to our cars, in which she then started to talk about her family issues and her problems with bipolar.

 

Conversation continued and then she asked about my depression...

 

I tried to keep it simple, but the more questions she asked the deeper it went and I ended up telling her that I have attempted suicide. May I add, I have never told anyone but my family about this (up until now).

 

She seemed shocked, but not un-nerved or uncomfortable. She then hugged me and said "Thanks for sharing". The night pretty much ended on that.

 

I have messaged her, 3-4 times over a period of 3 weeks. Just friendly gestures like " Hi, how are you? But no reply.

 

But I didn't want to look needy, cause I knew that would only make things worst. But it reality it was driving me insane.(That's me getting too attached to people again) Anyway, up until now. I almost completely forgot about it. Until just now, I noticed she blocked me on Facebook.

 

I just don't understand what went wrong. Fair enough there was no chemistry but to block me out of her life just like that, not even considered a friend? After all of our chats? Worst part is I don't know what I did wrong. Sure I told her I have tried to end my life, but isn't being up front and honest what friendships/relationships are all about? Plus I personally would not end a friendship or stop talking to someone because of this reason. It's wouldn't even phase me. But that's me, and I struggle to succeed to fit in. So my opinion is irrelivant.

 

So...

 

Is there such a thing as being too honest or too nice?

 

Thanks for reading. I just had to vent a bit...

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I have messaged her, 3-4 times over a period of 3 weeks. Just friendly gestures like " Hi, how are you? But no reply.

 

Until just now, I noticed she blocked me on Facebook.

 

I just don't understand what went wrong. Fair enough there was no chemistry - Worst part is I don't know what I did wrong.

 

Is there such a thing as being too honest or too nice?...

I don't think you did anything wrong at all, nor do I think you were being too honest or too nice. I get the strong impression that after your get-together with her she just didn't feel it, no chemistry at all and she isn't interested in getting to know you anymore. If anything, I feel she is being rude for not saying anything and just disappearing. Maybe she just didn't know how to let you down easy, but just blocking you is pretty rude, imo.

 

Nothing wrong with you, but clearly this girl is not for you.

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Yep, sometimes this happens. I've even made out with girls who've disappeared with no trace and no warning.

 

I agree with Capricorn3 - she just wasn't feeling the chemistry and there's not much you could have done about it. Another girl may like you a lot, and even respond positively to being honest about your suicide attempt as long as you don't show her any other red flags.

 

So stop obsessing about this girl. She wasn't right for you, whatever the reason. Just find someone who is.

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I think you need closer friends so you don't attach to girls so quickly and thoroughly.

 

Totally agree. Despite what I said above, oversharing about very personal details on a first date is typically a recipe for disaster. If you have other friends to confide in, then you won't feel the need to disclose EVERYTHING on a first date.

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I disagree with sharing so much on a first date. A suicide attempt is a very sensitive issue and it's something that could stop me from continuing with someone. Don't do it again, not until you're 100% sure that the other person can handle it.

However, that having been said, there was also no chemistry. I believe that what happened was the lack of chemistry together with your confession made her want to stop all contact with you. Yes, she was rude and she should have at least let you know but you're going to meet many rude people in your life. Next time, take things slower and don't fall 'victim to the moment' (she asked me and she had shared details about her problems, so I felt comfortable to share, too).

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I don't think it's about being honest -it's about whether to share certain details - being honest simply means not telling a lie but you can always respond with "that's too personal" or "why do you need to know" or tell a white lie if the question is so intrusive and in the situation it's better to tell a white lie to save the other person's feelings.

 

I would not share such personal details on a first date.

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I think the sharing too many details depends entirely on YOU and the type of person you are dating and what you want out of a relationship. I am personally an open book and have shared many, many details about myself on the first few dates. However, this is my personality. I learned long ago that if I tell people about some very deep personal things that happened to me that I can't believe doing that alone means we are close friends, connecting, etc. It's just a piece of information that helps another person learn more about myself. ALL the guys I have ever fallen deeply in love responded positively to this sharing and shared very personal details with me on the very first date in return... things that ranged from being arrested in the past or doing hardcore drugs before. This did not turn me off since it was just sharing deep information. My point is, do this if you can handle it. We cannot tell you when a good time to share personal details is. That's totally up to you. For a first date I'm cool with it if I'm feeling close to someone but some people need to have more time with a person before expressing such details. Only you can make that call.

 

In response to your date... sounds like she just didn't like you. Her blocking you was super immature. All she had to do was just say she wasn't interested or even defriend you. But blocking is a harsh reaction. Let her go and move on.

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You shouldn't be so nice that it is a detriment to yourself. Some selfishness is normal and required. You can't be too honest, but you can be too honest too soon. No one needs to know where the skeletons are hidden right away.

 

She's a human being and will behave as it suits her. You may disagree, and be disappointed with her behaviour but you can't expect her to behave the way you that you would like.

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