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So i'm the same one who started the other thread a few topics down which explains my situation. But now I'm wondering what to do once you get to know a girl and start to develop feelings for her, but I'm not sure if she likes me back. A lot of people would say body language is key so in that case you just know.. but I'm really shy when it comes to showing affection due to lack of experience.. have never romantically held hands with a girl(inadvertently i have a few times and not at church either and also never kissed a girl so i feel really inhibited when it comes down to affection. So with someone that is in my situation should I just straight up and tell her I like her? I feel like i've given enough hints that I want more than just friendship and we've known each other nearly 2 months now. I just feel like im wasting time if she doesn't end up feeling the same way and I continue on with this just "hanging out" and just hoping something will happen. Though it obviously sucks if i get rejected I think this is the best path given the situation. what do you think out there? what's the best way for a inhibited and shy guy make the move?

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Yes body signs are good. If she stares into your eyes, gently touches you, playfully laughs at what you say, plays with her hair, she's interested.

 

That said, if you don't act soon, you will get Friend Zone.

 

You don't have to be upfront, but you gotta be confident. You can play the flirting game, and show her signs that you're interested, but be confident about it.

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Thanks for the tips. But can't help but feel I'm already in the friend zone and it's too late. Problem with shy inexperienced guys like me is that I am hesistant to do anything once I first meet a girl I'm interested in. I try to be too much of a friend because of not wanting to ruin my chances. Usually by the time I have the courage to show my interest..I get rejected or not into you in that way spiel. I'm fine at holding deep conversations and listening but I'm horrible when it comes to flirting, complimenting, showing affection...basically ruining my chances of getting past first base. There must be some tips other than just practicing? I'm getting a bit discouraged each time i end up getting friend zoned with a girl I'm really interested in

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Get used to rejection. Seriously.

 

Lots of guys on here who do well with women recognize that they are going to be turned down a lot. I am not saying it is easy, but I think if you can put your interest out there casually, and soon, then you can move on from any rejection sooner. And you'll become more confident (and more attractive) with getting used to putting interest out there and flirting.

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Adding off Ms Darcy.. you're unfortunately already starting off on the wrong foot with a lot of what you do. If you can indulge me, it really does start off with your own mentality and mindset.. I'm not sure if you're speaking in general, or about a particular girl you were/are interested in, and think you may be in the friendzone already... But either way, having been in your situation before, try to address a few things from your replies:

 

So with someone that is in my situation should I just straight up and tell her I like her?

 

In your situation: Yes. Absolutely. One way or the other you need to cross that "threshold of knowledge" where you find out if she likes you romantically or not. How do you ask her? Try being absolutely honest with her and asking her on a date. No hinting, being absolutely straight forward and inviting her out somewhere that screams "THIS IS A DATE!" -- Movies? Dinner at a nice restaurant? Anything… But after reading your previous posts, it's more important that you bite the bullet and find out 100%; in my humble opinion. And suggest something to where an excuse would yield an alternative "I can't have dinner with you Friday, but Saturday evening?" type of reply.. If you don't even get that, or an alternative from her, she's NOT interested. BUT THAT'S OKAY!!

 

There's no grand gesture at this point in time that will (key point here) make it worth it in "wooing" her or convincing her that you're the guy for her… In other words, if she's not feeling you romantically at this point, there's nothing you can do to get her to like and be with you. Remember this though, it'll help with the additional advice

 

Coming from a stranger, take with a grain of salt, yes. But this is all advice I've been given myself, as well as found out myself [the hard way].

 

1. It's about You. What do you want when you meet a girl. What will your communication/interaction bring you? Friendship? Relationship? What do YOU want when you meet a girl? And be honest and upfront with yourself first. Stress this to yourself as well. Because what was said earlier is the foundation that will be (if it already isn't) detrimental to your success with women..

 

I feel like i've given enough hints that I want more than just friendship and we've known each other nearly 2 months now. I just feel like im wasting time if she doesn't end up feeling the same way and I continue on with this just "hanging out" and just hoping something will happen.

2. This is why. So you're PRETENDING to be friends with a girl, hoping there's more, but if there isn't, you've wasted 2 months of your life?? Once again, PRETENDING to be her friend. No man, decide what you want right now, and move forward, do you want to be her FRIEND or not? If not, tell her right now that you see her romantically and want to date her. Don't go another 2 months building up in your mind the times she smiled at you and was nice during French lessons, and get "confused" when she shoots you down for a lunch date or something. It's all in YOUR head.

 

I may be coming off hard on you, but too often times shy guys (and I was once one too!) get overlooked as the "poor underdog" who just can't catch a break, when in realty we're not better or different than the jerks who use women for their own enjoyment. If I'm wrong then you can take back that statement about wasting your time if she's not digging you ;-)

 

 

Thanks for the tips. But can't help but feel I'm already in the friend zone and it's too late.

 

If you sense it, you probably already are.. Use this as a sort of golden rule to yourself in moving on and "dealing with it." If you sense it and don't like it, find out for certain and ask her out. Then You'll Know.

 

I try to be too much of a friend because of not wanting to ruin my chances.

3. As human beings we are driven by two emotions in all that we do: Fear and Greed. Believe it or not, you are being greedy in giving in to the comfort of letting your fear drive what you do, and how you act. In this case it's more comfortable sitting back and doing what you think a friend would do. What results do you expect when do you do this? You may WANT a different result, but the same result will typically occur: You become Friends. (or in your opinion: friend zoned)

 

Usually by the time I have the courage to show my interest..I get rejected or not into you in that way spiel.

 

3a. You realize that your actions are yielding the same results, and try to change it by stepping up.. But I can promise you it's always a "day too late." Why? See #3, and stop it.

 

Look, success with women.. advice with women.. understanding women... There's an entire world out there that you can get lost in, just in the INFORMATION of .. Women. But to be honest, the best advice is being given to you repeated: Fail. Go out and Fail. Over and Over.

 

When you stop feeling sorry for yourself for succeeding in Failure and Deceit 101, then you start taking classes in how to approach a woman. You start reading articles on where to meet women. You start watching videos on how to be a better man, etc.

 

And with all that knowledge and wisdom out there, know what helped me the most? Going out there and failing. And not just blindly. But taking notes, and improving the next time. As well, simply learning about myself, and anything I THOUGHT would make me more interesting on a date.. Learning about wines because I wanted to properly order wine on the date, which opened a new world of wine tasting and accessories, and cigar smoking, scotch knowledge, drinking and mixology, bar tending. Taking dance class with a date and embarrassing myself the first few times I went, but later rocking the floor and being asked to dance all night and meeting so many interesting women, all with stories to tell. And for every "fairytale" date and girl I can tell you about, know that there was easily 10 embarrassing, "omg I hope she doesn't tell her friends!" stories to follow.

 

First base? You must be brutally honest with yourself because no one else will pick you up or fix you, but you okay? But.. you were never in the game to begin with friend. To fix the analogy: You offered to help cut the grass, clean the stadium and cheer the team on… like a real friend! Don't be surprised when everyone looks at you puzzled when you pick up a bat and then wonder why you never even got a chance to swing.

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when you go out with a girl, keep asking her to things that are dates. Invite her out to dinner and a movie or dinner, and find out what she likes to do. Don't invite her over to "hang out". This is a great time of year to see live plays, to go ice skating downtown in the square, etc. Or more particularly free things - if she tells you she is a history nerd, take her to the historical museum or a tour of some historical mansion or place, etc. If she is athletic - what about ice skating downtown if that happens in your city and then some hot chocolate? Focus in the beginning on getting to know her. And open doors for her when you are out, etc, also.

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wow FlashEng that was a lot of information to digest, but thanks. I think you're spot on and I know I really need to change my mindset but as with changing anything in life it's an uphill battle. I know it's easy to put the blame on something.. in this case my lack of experience but I know I need to put my focus on how to get out of it and not ON that particular fact. As with many shy guys it's also easy to cling on to any girl that gives us attention as I always think. oh maybe she's "The One". Also holding out hope that something will miraculously happen without even trying or doing anything. But I know that's obviously not the reality. I really hope I'm not too late on this one though.. I *think* there was something when we first met but of course I hesitated and didn't do anything and might have turned her off permanently. Maybe even tried to hide the fact that I like her as I am not very good at showing affection.. not that I can't if i really tried- just haven't really tried I guess. Doesn't help that I'm a fairly uptight person

 

In the end, I just want to have the excitement of dating and eventually being in a relationship even if it means going through the highs and the lows. I guess for people who have been in and out of relationships they must think im crazy!

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