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Lost and alone , confused and hopeless


Grissum71

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I have posted here before a while ago, I was in wreck then as I am now.. My ex left me again for someone else. I found out that she was cheating on me while she was living with me, wanted to confront her but she backed out claiming she afraid for her life. We do have history... We were together for almost a year, a turbulent one. 6 months in into the relationship she hands me some pills and says "take these", then proceeds to say she has an STD and the pills will help to fight it off. I asked her ? and where the hell had she been.. she claims she didn't know she had the STD. In the beginning as always it was great, we did things together, we places, and spent time together but time reared it's ugly head and things started to fall apart. The sex was good but I was tired of initiating it all the time, she avoided any type of conversation or conflict between us, I tried to sit her down and talk with her numerous times. There was a time where she told me her story, she was neglected as a child / growing up and didn't have many friends. She used to "Cut" so she tells me, fell into a depression at times while we were together as well. Told me " She couldn't be herself around me " and eventually left me for someone else after almost being together for a year. I was able to talk to her and settle things between us and we got back together. she says she left because I wasn't giving her any attention, meaining the small things like holding her hand, kisses and so on. Little did i know this would be a great issue between us because she is needy.

 

Several months later after moving out and getting her own place is when the hit the fan and our relationship took a bad turn. She started going out with "Friends", complained I never had time for her although I would stop what I was doing and go be with her. I found evidence one day on her computer of her chatting with some other guys and i confronted her about it, she went ape about it yelling at me. I was accused of spying on her, going through her things and so on, she left me. About 5 months later she texted me.. she was still with him but texting me. We talked almost every day, some days were really rough but others were good conversation days. We would get together every now and then for coffee and chat, none of this was that easy for me because I was still hurting inside from her leaving. Eventually she came over to my place and we talked everything out between us.. but I felt uneasy because she said " plead your case" .. I told her "plead my case" i have nothing to plead other than I miss her and love her and want her back in my life.. everything else we could work on together as long as we communicate. A week went by and we ended up sleeping together, mind you she is still in a relationship with the other guy. The sex happened a few more times before her relationship started getting turbulent and falling fast. The relationship eventually ended up in ruins and she had no where to go or stay with her stuff / animals and two kids. I moved her into my place so they had some where to live for the time being, I live in a 570sqft apartment so there wasn't much room but it worked out until she sent her kids to her sisters house. we lived together all the way up to last week when she moved out, but before i found out that she was cheating on me. I would do and have done for this woman almost everything possible to make her happy... to no avail. Little did I know she has BPD, and from what I have gathered from her life story the symptoms fit. When she was younger she two kids, she claims " he cheated" so they got a divorce and she lost custody of her first two kids. Later on she had two more kids, left him for whatever reason and came down to Texas. Anywho.. I don't know what to do, I still care for her very much and I miss her. Any advice would be appreciated

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Did a professional diagnose her with BPD?

 

My advice is to recognize that someone who cheats on you doesn't love you the way you deserve. Stay away from her and don't entertain thoughts of reconcilation. Get some therapy to understand your responsibility for the end of this relationship.

 

By the way, snooping s a sign of mistrust of your partner. If you don't trust her (any future girlfrien), you should not be with her.

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Did a professional diagnose her with BPD?

 

My advice is to recognize that someone who cheats on you doesn't love you the way you deserve. Stay away from her and don't entertain thoughts of reconcilation. Get some therapy to understand your responsibility for the end of this relationship.

 

By the way, snooping s a sign of mistrust of your partner. If you don't trust her (any future girlfrien), you should not be with her.

 

Yes she was diagnosed by a professional

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