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He took down his online dating profile but never discussed it with me.


sk22545

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The guy I've been seeing for about a month took down his dating profile which I take as a good sign, however he never mentioned it to me. I discovered this when I was on the site myself. Do you think I should follow his example and take my profile down as well? Things have been going well and I would say we are "casually dating" at this point, as we've only seen each other about 7 times total. We did get physical very early on and we do sleep together (which I'm more than fine with).

 

I know it would probably be best to bring this up with him, but I think it's a bit early for an exclusivity or where-is-this-going talk. I don't want to scare him off. We're both in our late 20s.

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It's up to you. It may be a bit too early for him, but I usually talk exclusivity once I get physical. He may be the same way. Try to be aware that he may be viewing this differently and thinking that you have been seeing each other for a month and are intimate, therefore it's going somewhere. Definitely be on the same page as him. If you aren't comfortable taking down your online profile then don't, but it would be a good time to mention how you both feel. It doesn't have to be now but maybe plan to have that conversation in the next few weeks if you want.

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Don't say anything. Just take your dating profile down if you feel the same way about him, that you don't want to continue looking for others at this point. It's easy enough to put it back up if you and he break up later.

 

I think it's a good idea to date exclusively until you figure out whether you should get serious with the person or not, but you don't need to have a big heavy discussion with him yet because you really don't know him well enough to decide whether he's a permanent keeper or not. So go ahead and take your profile down while you investigate the relationship with him.

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Thanks everyone for your insight.

 

A friend advised me that he could have taken his profile down for reasons other than wanting to see me exclusively, and assuming so is jumping the gun. She said I should leave my profile up because "you don't want him to think that you're checking up on him."

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Thanks everyone for your insight.

 

A friend advised me that he could have taken his profile down for reasons other than wanting to see me exclusively, and assuming so is jumping the gun. She said I should leave my profile up because "you don't want him to think that you're checking up on him."

 

I really think you should consider talking to him about exclusivity at some point. Whether you leave your profile up or down, I hardly think any reasonable person would interpret that as "checking up on him."

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He didn't bring it up with you. The online profile is a symbol, but not the real thing. The real question is exclusivity.

 

If you are interested in others, leave yours up. If you are not interested, take yours down. Do what is right for you.

 

If you are not ready to be exclusive, then don't pretend to be. If he wants to negotiate terms with you, he will. If you lose him because he requires exclusivity and you aren't ready to offer it, then you will have lost something you couldn't have had anyway.

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@ mbee: I think so too, I'm just afraid to have that conversation because we're having so much fun as it is. I don't want to give off the impression that I'm extremely eager to dive headfirst into a serious relationship.

 

Then why are you having sex with him? Do you not value that at all?

 

You really don't have to make it a heavy conversation - as has been said. Keep it loose.

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Having sex and being in an exclusive relationship are not mutually telling of each other anymore... They suit and fulfill different purposes; though those purposes are similar to each other, they are not identical.

 

I agree. My point is I'm not going to let any dude put his stuff in me without being able to communicate what I want from him in terms of dating. I value my body and desires that much.

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In the past, I've taken down my profile as a pre-emptive signal that I'm serious with a girl. Basically giving her a hint without putting either of us on the spot.

 

But I'm currently dating 2 women whose intentions I'm not sure about. One of them took their profile down last week and we just had our 2nd date, but I didn't see any reason to discuss her reasons, so we didn't.

 

And just yesterday I took my profile down myself because I didn't feel like looking for new prospects, and would rather deal with just these 2 women for the moment.

 

My point? Your guy's actions could be a good sign. Or they could mean nothing. In other words, his dating profile status is irrelevant this early in the game.

 

Have the "exclusivity" talk when you feel ready. Only then will his profile status have any meaning... because if you've both agreed to be exclusive, then he should take it down. Until then? It's a non-issue IMO.

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My point is, the OP can manage her profile according to her own needs. I would drop the idea of associating the profile with relationship status. Deal with relationship status directly, if desired. Manage the profile according to one's own desires, and not as a symbol or way to please someone else.

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The guy I've been seeing for about a month took down his dating profile which I take as a good sign, however he never mentioned it to me. I discovered this when I was on the site myself. Do you think I should follow his example and take my profile down as well? Things have been going well and I would say we are "casually dating" at this point, as we've only seen each other about 7 times total. We did get physical very early on and we do sleep together (which I'm more than fine with).

 

I know it would probably be best to bring this up with him, but I think it's a bit early for an exclusivity or where-is-this-going talk. I don't want to scare him off. We're both in our late 20s.

 

The first rule of thumb when you don't understand something is to seek clarification. Then when you have an understanding move forward with what you know.

 

I went on a date with a woman. I really, really liked her. I took my profile down. It had nothing to do with her. I delete them after a short period. I never heard from her again. I wonder if she thought I was being presumptuous and scared her off. Admittedly I could see how she could think this. Probably a doofus thing for me to do without explanation. Also, there may not have been any cause and effect. She could have just not been into me. My point is, and it's coming, is if she was into me and was scared off, she ran away for the wrong reason. If she said 'hey doofus, what's with the profile taking down thing?' I could of explained, it was just time, and was not related to our one date. Damn, she was nice, oh well.

 

There's lots of reasons why people take down their profiles. Find out first.

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