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Hello,

I have a situation with a girl. One night we hooked up and i really like her but the problem was I was too keen. Everyone told me that there was no chance. About 6 weeks have passed. I'm at college and everyday I see her and I can see her out of the corner of my eye looking at me quite a lot. Sometimes at food I can see that she physically turns around to look at me briefly. It has gotten a bit crazy and awkward. At night clubs I have started ignoring her and she often will try and get my attention and dance right next me. It is a really confusing situation as a few weeks ago she told someone that she wasnt interested because I was too keen. However since then the eye contact has increased and on a particular night out throughout the whole night she was trying to get my attention and dance by me etc. I ignored her for a few hours until she position herself right in front of me and said hello and hugged me and tried to start conversation. She asked me how I was and I said good but then moved on briefly because I thought nothing would happen. I am really confused! Please help me!

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What you are doing is the push and pull method....it's what PU teaches. The more you push them away, the more they will desire you. I say she is interested, but you have to not give her too much attention to keep her attention. Most inexperienced guys assume that if you ignore them you will lose them but it's totally the opposite. Now you see how you can get results. Be kool, distant and aloof. To be desirable is to be less available. That's why guys get stuck in the friends zone, because they put the girl up on a pedestal, give her lots of attention and do anything for her....she will not have any respect for you, take advantage of you, then she runs off with some guy that hardly gave her the time of day.

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Yeah just keep your distance. Maybe after your break you can try to ask her out casually, maybe in a group setting and go from there. I hate the dating games and advise you not to do it or get into it... but you didn't kill your chances with this girl. Giving each other space will help a ton, and if there's an opportunity in the future then go for it, but again be casual about it. Whatever you do, don't play games with her and don't have high expectations with this girl...

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The push and pull method is not a game. Women do it naturally....someone just came up with a name for it and introduced the idea to men. In the old days it was called playing hard to get.....it's not just for girls anymore.

 

I wasn't aware people even did this until I came back into the dating scene about 6 months ago. I certainly have never done this with a guy and my prior relationships were all built with guys who were very keen on me (with the exception of one who did play hard to get at first). Whenever I'm into a guy, I tend to be open and honest with my feelings. I just don't believe in generalizing and this seems like a game to me. Perhaps I'm wrong but if it's easier for one to be themselves, I'm not sure why someone should try the push-pull thing if it's not something they already do naturally. Plenty of women would appreciate a guy being keen on them, like I have.

 

Back to the OP... my advice remains the same. Just give each other some space, take it slow and lower your expectations for this girl.

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This thread touches on a couple of themes or ideas in dating. One possible thing that is going on is she wants what she can't have. A lot of people a lot of times seem to do this. The problem with this dynamic is sometimes it effects people too much, so as soon as they know they can have you they don't want you anymore. I'm sure pros could go on at length about this. Simply though if someone is at this extreme they are best left alone.

 

Some women respond to being blown off after initial attempts to pursue them. It shows strength and independence. You are not going to be that nice guy door mat that follows them around like a lost puppy dog hoping they will change their mind. They rebuked you, and you responded with O.K. you had your chance.

 

Some women might realize they initially made a mistake and are now wondering if they may have been to hasty to pass judgement. And this can only work if you cut ties and moved on. The worse thing you can do is be insistent when they clearly rejected you.

 

In short her behaviour isn't that mysterious or atypical. I agree however with mbee. It's dead on. Take your time and have no expectations. And in the future do the same thing. Be upfront and keen when you are interested. Don't play games. But if they are hesitant or send mixed signals bail on them. Don't fuss over them. Move on. Staying around and begging is pathetic.

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