I think I've reached my breaking point

[cryingalways]

I want to call him. I know I shouldn't it has been 2 and a half months and we have not spoken since he dumped me after being badly emotionally abusive for a while towards the end.

 

I can't live without him. I don't care about anything. I know he's hurt me and I should move on but I can't. I miss him so much. I can't bear it. I'm always in pain and it just gets worse and worse. He is the only person I want to talk to.

 

There is a good chance it will only upset me but I can't do this anymore. I feel suicidal most of the time. It's too hard.

 

Everyone's got their lives. I've got nothing. I had a life with him. I want that life.

[cryingalways]

I can't eat again and I'm hyperventilating. It's really bad at the moment

[GinNJuice]

Have you tried moving on with your life, or have you been waiting for him to come around? What do you do with most of your time?

[cryingalways]

I do stuff. I've been working at a new job part time, planning where I will live in the next few weeks, seeing friends...I'm very tired this evening. I think that is not helping. I just feel like my life is pointless or that I don't care enough about anything or anyone. I feel like this grieving is going to kill me everyday. I know everyone else is going through equally bad heartache I am not saying I am different, I just don't know how to get through this. I loved him so much.

[SpottiOtti]

I'm sorry that you're hurting. Maybe you're right in that being tired isn't helping?

 

I felt this way once after a really rough relationship/breakup. I was clinically depressed and had to seek therapy to dig my way out of it. But I did it. You can too. Have faith in yourself, you are stronger than you know.

[cryingalways]

Thankyou.

 

I have to decide about whether I find somewhere to live and start another very tiring part time job in january or move with my mum to another city. I am starting to think it is not a good idea for me to stay and do another job ontop of this one-both are exhausting jobs. I think it might be too much for me-and also being alone in a with none of my friends or family close by. I thought it was the answer to me starting a new life but I have not been excited at all, just scared. And now after tonight I think I might just go with my mum for a while and make a life plan that I actually want rather than a last minute shamble in low paid exhausting jobs that will take up all my time and energy. Maybe being heartbroken is a tiring thing in itself. I think it might be. I feel tired all the time anyway.

 

I'll see how I feel in the next few days when I've had some sleep. I'm just used to him comforting me. However sometimes he wouldn't be comforting because he was having a mood. He confuses me to no end. I think he expects me to love him no matter what, even when he's dumped me. He has done similar stuff before where he sits coldly not touching me staring and I'm thinking "are we broken up?" then he angrily says "You can hug me you know!". Very pushy/pully. Anyway. He's pushed me too far.

 

I am in therapy. I think it's helping a bit. Maybe not enough. If I go with my mum I will live by the sea. That might be nice.

[Ms Darcy]

You are soooo dependent on him mentally and emotionally. You don't know how to be hole without a man. It's sad.

[kz91]

Sorry to hear this, but you can get through it.

 

You're depending too much on him and it doesn't sound healthy. You can live without him, I promise you.

[nick66]

You should never put yourself in a situation where your happiness is so tied into and dependent on someone else that you lose yourself.

 

You lived life just fine before you ever met him, and you can do so again if you allow yourself to do so.

[paumumu]

I haven't been so heartbroken like that before so I can't really understand what you're going through, although I know every break up feels soooo baaaad. All I do when I break up with someone is go shopping, get a makeover and eat kilo after kilo of chocolate and bacon. I spoil myself and always rediscover just how awesome I am hahahahaha. You should try and do the same. It's not fair for you to get stuck in a sad place just for a guy. Love yourself.

[mia74]

I feel your pain and I know I have days where they are worst then others. So your mom is somewhere else? Maybe going to be with her would help so you are not alone right now. I understand how upset you are, believe me. I have days where I struggle to get up, but I know from experience that it will get better and no one can see the future. We have to take things day by day. You dont know what he is feeling but over time we will get our answers. But everything takes time. Stay as busy as you can. I understand lack of friends. I am right along there with you. I am putting myself out there as much as I can though. Trying to think positive which is hard for me since I am not normally that way. But, please just try and dont allow yourself to be too alone. That is when you get all up in your head. I know cause I do the same. You dwell on things too much. Can you move to be with your mom?

[cryingalways]

Ms Darcy calling me "sad" when I'm this depressed only makes me feel worse about myself. I have not tried purposely to be in this situation. And it's quite likely that I am dealing with the grief from loosing my brother at the same time as dealing with this man and how the put downs he has given me manipulatively over a year are now circling my head seeing as he has now left me with very little self confidence. I realise I should be a strong independent woman and get myself back on my feet but sometimes it is not that easy or the quick a process. So what I don't need- as well as not needing this man that I am struggling with making myself realise-is people telling me I am sad.

 

I am not sure what I will do still. I will figure it out.

[heartxbroken]

I know how this feels. I couldn't sleep properly or eat for weeks. I also had very bad anxiety..it has decreased but its still there. I am 4 months post BU and doing my 2nd round of NC (over 30 days in currently). I know its very difficult, but it does get better. I promise you it does get better.. just stay strong and keep NC. Remind yourself that he abused you! Remind yourself why the relationship failed! Why do you want someone who doesn't want you back? You deserve so much better than what he can give you.

[mhowe]

I again suggest you may need a new therapist. You do not seem to be.making any progress and post as if this happened a week ago instead of 2.5 months ago.

And Ms Darcy is correct....your identity was so tied to the relationship you cannot function on your own.

[Capricorn3]

I again suggest you may need a new therapist. You do not seem to be.making any progress and post as if this happened a week ago instead of 2.5 months ago.

And Ms Darcy is correct....your identity was so tied to the relationship you cannot function on your own.

I have to agree with this too. Try another therapist because the one you've got clearly isn't working at all. I'm still trying to get my head around the "can't live without him and feeling suicidal" when you give him such a long list of negatives of how badly he treated you, emotionally abusive, hurt you etc etc etc. What is so attractive about being treated badly that you can't live without him?

 

I strongly recommend another therapist.

[Ms Darcy]

Third for a new therapist. You are not progressing and you are completely co-dependent.

[No1]

I agree with Ms Darcy and mhowe.. I know you have tried therapy, I think you should see a psychiatrist. Someone who can prescribe medication for you.