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Meeting in person after talking online..


Anonymous1993

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I know the answers will vary, but I'd just like to see the overall opinions on this.

 

Say, you were talking to someone online, and were getting along really well.

 

They were kind, generous, funny, interesting, honest, caring, flirty and portrayed as being a confident person.

 

You then decide you would like to meet up.

 

The person you been talking to plays a completely different personality in real life.

 

He's shy and nervous, has a bit of difficulty with maintaining conversations and has trouble with sharing emotions and is very frigid.

 

But, he's still honest, funny, nice and caring.

 

Would you believe that what he was like online was him being fake, or that it was only the nerves getting the best of him on the date?

 

Looks aside,would you consider going on a second date, or probably not?

 

Any thoughts would be helpful!

 

THANKS!

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He sounds a lot like me, and its one of the reasons the last girl got scared off and left. On the phone and text i am very deep with conversation, passionate, loving and bold to tell her that i really, really like her. But in person, in the first few dates - i turn into "date mode", and that mode wont shut off until i am comfortable with her physically, like the way i am with just her voice in the tranquility of my apartment. I am an introvert, this is the signs of a true introvert. Note- when i meet an extrovert, i actually thrive in the date.

 

In the girl in my above example, i was actually nervous when i met her. I havent been nervous on a date in 10 years. I still didnt get used to her after seeing her for so many dates - even though i tried to force it. She noticed when i would relax and i would become the normal me. But she eventually went nuts after a bad date and left saying that i always looked angry and disinterested in her, which was off by a mile - that prompted me to work on me so i dont give those signs away. I have actually given that disclaimer to women that it may take a while for me to open up to them at first.

 

But, certain women are so good in social interaction that they jump-start me to life. This doesnt mean its because they are a better match, it just means shes good at social skills. My ex of 3 years, our first date was amazing because we were drunk and i was loud and funny, second date was boring and i was shy, third date was better and i felt bolder to be me because i noticed how odd our second date was when compared to the first.

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I would think that the way the person is in person is how you should evaluate whether you want to see the person again - I wouldn't assume that the person was fake at all just probably more comfortable communicating behind a screen. I wanted someone who could communicate well in real life and more than that wanted to communicate in real life more than behind a screen.

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I met someone once online, super fun in writing, great connection virtually, still something strange in real life, when I first met him I had this feeling immediately that something is wrong, I couldn t tell what exactly, had just a feeling, well, I chose not to pay attention to those small "strange" things like he was constantly hugging himself for example and I didn t listen to my guts telling me something is "fishy" here and I paid a huge price later, he turned out to be a dangerous BPD and in just a few months he managed to turn my life upside down.

I regret big time that I didn t listen to my intuition about this guy.

So I strongly advice you if you feel that something is strange about him, even if he is super kind or too good to be true, just leave him alone. Just trust your guts!

And remember meeting people online could be terrible dangerous! Take care!

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I agree that you should give more credence to how someone acts IRL as opposed to their online persona, and you should follow your gut if something seems "off" to you.

 

That said, it sounds like you perceive him as a nice & honest person, just a little nervous and shy in person.

 

So as long as you don't think he's dangerous/crazy/weird, then by all means go on a 2nd date and see if he opens up a bit.

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Say, you were talking to someone online, and were getting along really well.

 

They were kind, generous, funny, interesting, honest, caring, flirty and portrayed as being a confident person.

 

You then decide you would like to meet up.

 

I think the problem here is that you assume all of these qualities about a person you have never met. You can't know someone until you meet and interact with them over some period of time.

 

Lesson learned.

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I would think that the way the person is in person is how you should evaluate whether you want to see the person again - I wouldn't assume that the person was fake at all just probably more comfortable communicating behind a screen. I wanted someone who could communicate well in real life and more than that wanted to communicate in real life more than behind a screen.

 

Well said.

 

First dates can be nerve wracking, especially if you had been talking for a while online. Which it sounds like you were. Where you built up some expectations etc.

 

That's one of the issues of chatting a bunch online or through social media or whatever, texting etc, before meeting up. Which is why it seems to be a lot easier to simply meet someone right away.

 

But in this situation, if you are still interested, I don't see the harm of a second date. Get a bit more info and spend a bit more time with him, see if you are interested. It sounds like he was nervous; sometimes first meets are just awkward. I'd probably, myself, give it another meeting to really see.

 

good luck

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Go on a second date and make your call after that. First dates can make people feel nervous but only go if you feel comfortable. I'm not sure if this guy made you feel uncomfortable. If he seemed honest, nice and kind then it sounds like he's worth a second chance. Maybe suggest doing something more fun and outgoing, maybe not a simple dinner where everything is focused on conversation.

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