Feelings about sister and best friend starting relationship?

[EmmieQ]

Hi all,

 

I am feeling quite upset and down about the following:

 

My sister has been single for about 2 years and is now starting to look for a boyfriend.

Her eye has fallen on my best friend. My best (male) friend and I are very close: we talk about every day, go on holidays/weekends together, see each other several times a week, going out, watching TV, cooking, etc. He is very nice to me, bringing me chocolates/flowers/presents, ... when he knows I am sad/ill/upset, ...

We laugh and have a lot of fun together and really enjoy each others company.

 

From all the stories I tell about him at home, my sister has decided he is the perfect guy for her. She (and my parents) have told me several times (jokingly) that I should go out with, to which I always jokingly replied that he is not my type.

Truth is: he might be my type, but that is difficult to admit to yourself, your best friend and your family.

I once fell in love my my (ex) best friend and it completely ruined our friendship. I don't see this ex friend of my anymore, so I was always worried that if I would admit to my current best friend, we might ruin our friendship.

 

Now, my sister has decided to meet up with my best friend. Forcing him to give her his number, making him promise to go have a drink with her, ect. Quite controlling, actually...

They are meeting up this evening and I don't know how I should feel about that.

 

On the one hand I should be happy and should try to set them up, as they are 2 of the people I like and care about and I don't want to be egoistic if they really like each other.

On the other hand, I know my sister won't let me hang out with my friend so much anymore and we won't be having weekends, dinners, holidays together anymore...

 

I tried talking to both of them, but they won't listen and both seem quite cross with me know.

 

I don't know what to do/think. Am I overexaggerating? How would you react?

[Kendahke]

Here's what I think: You not admitting your own feelings to yourself has set up this situation in which your perceived lack of romantic interest in your best friend means that your sister doesn't see anything wrong with indulging her romantic feelings for him and he's interested in her doing that. Now that she has made herself plain, you want to now admit your feelings to yourself.

 

This is the main reason why one should never lie to themselves about how they feel. Now, you want to wax territorial when you've not even taken things in that direction before. It will look vindictive, now, for you to come forward and say something. I also don't see how painting your sister in a bad light reflects well on you--she just went after what she wanted; whereas, you never gave him any thought in that realm. So, yeah, I can see why they're mad at you right now.

 

Yes, now that she's thrown her hat into the ring, things are going to change between you and your best friend--IF he allows that change to take place. But certainly, intimacy between the two of them is about to bloom, one way or the other, so that is going to force a change in your relationship with him.

 

I think you need to learn a lesson from how you've chosen to proceed here. If your feelings for someone exist, then you need to quit making jokes of feeling the opposite way because now, you're the one who is caught out by saying one thing and feeling quite the opposite.

[Romeo November]

If you are upset, you have feelings. When you further a friendship by taking it to a relationship, it does not make things worse. It fast forwards the friendship. It is better to see if you guys are compatible sooner then later when you have been friends for a long time.