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feeling like a total loser!


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Okay, I've been separated now for at least six months. I feel good about my decision of getting out of a 10 year abusive relationship. It has been an ongoing court battle. Between the lawyers, my ex and all the first bills since I moved out I am basically broke.

 

I tried meeting new people, it seems all guys I meet just want to have sex with me. I feel like nobody would want anything other than sex from me. Today I told a guy I had been seeing for a while, that I was feeling like it was all about sex; we had great chemistry, but I was feeling we were not doing much else other than sex. He said he didn't want to get dragged into my court battles, and wanted to stay out of it. He will probably wants a problem-free perfect relationship with a single woman with no baggage. I felt so unsupported and sad. I feel like I am such a loser for thinking a guy would want to have anything other than sex with a single mom going through a nasty divorce??

 

I feel like it will never get better. I am so tired of always ending up in a bad relationship. And I have had therapy so many times on and off for the last 10 years. I feel so unhealthy now, I feel like I am falling apart, can't do things right at work, feel like a lousy mom. I have very few friends (this is not my hometown) and I am broke. I feel my life is a total disaster, I've spent the entire day watching romantic movies. I want to feel hopeful about life, but today's reality check with that guy really hit me hard.

 

How do I pick up the pieces and move on?? I feel really hopeless right now; I don't want a pity party, but seriously I feel beaten up. If anyone has anything to post it'd be great; but if this is too pathetic to reply I understand.

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You're looking for romance to give your life purpose and direction right now -- but really, you've only been separated for 6 months, what's the rush?

 

If you feel like your life is at a crisis point, why not make THAT your focus. Get yourself back on track -- socially, financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Do what you need to do to be a better mom. It's easier to buy into romance as a quick fix to feel better... but your life is about SO MUCH MORE than just that.

 

You have years ahead of you to meet a new partner and make a life with someone else.... right now, be there for yourself and your kids!

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It is important to some people to have someone significant in their lives but it is often not essential.

 

You are going through a rough time at the moment and if the person who shares intimacy with you doesn't want to know, then what does he really offer?

 

Maybe you need some serious alone time, instead of bed jumping, sometimes its a case of more people = more problems.

 

Also at this time, try to focus on positives in your life, just because the chips are down it doesn't mean you have to stand still and be miserable.

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You are going through a rough time at the moment and if the person who shares intimacy with you doesn't want to know, then what does he really offer?

 

exactly.

 

If it came to that, he would still be dragged in because he's having sex with you, so his argument is non sequitur.

 

But OP, you need to understand that he just told you that he's just in it for sex--that's it. He's not there to be your support, your friend, your confidant--none of that. Pink is all he's after.

 

Not all men are like this, but right now, you've got to get your head out from under your marriage, divorce, readjustment. It's a rough, emotional time you're going through, but it won't last forever. You will clear this forest and be on the other side where the sun shines on your face once again. Try to trust the process you're going through.

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You're seeking a relationship prematurely, and you're finding out why that's a mistake.

 

Take care of your business, invest in getting your career, finances, friendships and personal development into balance. Once you do that, you'll feel more stable and grounded. THAT is when you'l make better choices in dating, and you won't be inclined to offer sex before feeling close to and confident about the guy you want to share yourself with.

 

Head high, and push past the messy stuff. You'll thank yourself later.

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You, me and a lot of people just out of a breakup and or single. Are missing the connection, the feeling of someone caring about you and the feeling of intimacy.

It's completely normal, people are social creatures, and social creatures need loving.

 

There will always be people saying "I'm happy single, it's so much better than being tied down". But in my eyes if they look deep down, they are just trying to convince themselves. Feeling loved is probably the most important thing in this world.

For instance: children who do not feel loved (aka emotional neglected) don't develop their brains as much as children who are emotionally satisfied. With lots of bad consequences, including the likelihood of developing depressions faster.

 

I disagree with people saying it's a BAD thing moving on 'too' fast. Because noone knows what the right speed to move on is. And noone knows if 'not-dating' is better than 'dating', whilst recovering from a thing like this.

 

Personally I think you should keep trying to find good partners, if you adjust what you are looking for in a partner you will automatically find partners that suit that profile better.

And just 'having' sex isn't a bad thing either, it's a great way to fight stress. The problem arises when you are looking for more, when the other person is not. You'll have to make a judgement yourself if a relationship like that is worth it for you.

 

Like someone else already said, the best thing to do now is to focus on your own physical and emotional needs. Take care of your body and keep having fun with like-minded people.

Eventually it will get easier thinking about this situation. So good luck!

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