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Lost the love of my life, how do I get her back?


OrdinaryStory

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Well I'm seeking guidance in any way I possible can because the love of my life left me, and I'm surviving without her, but I really really really really do not want to lose her for good. I'm a talker, and I'm gonna write a novel here, but I need every detail possible so maybe someone can shed some light on my situation. Thanks ahead of time.

 

So in a long shot to maybe get my ex back, I'm gonna let you guys in on my story.. It's very long but I'll sum it up to the best of my ability.

 

I met my ex 6 or 7 years ago back when I was a Sophomore in high school and she was a Freshman, tho she's only about half a year younger than me. Infact her 21st was yesterday... We quickly became great friends. She would tell me all about her little adventures and I'd tell her mine. She became my best friend. I got in a relationship with a girl (we'll call her ex b) I had been friends with for many years when I was a Senior and my (we'll call her ex a) ex a was right there for me to be happy for me. Then when ex b cheated on me and ruined our friendship of many years, ex a was right there to pick up the pieces that were left of me.

 

By time I graduated she had become such an important person in my life that we started fooling around. I loved it, she loved it. But ex b had gotten in my head and screwed everything up. I told ex a she was too young for me, and that I just couldn't do it. Truth was she was all I ever wanted to be with, but with ex b in my head I just couldn't give ex a what she deserved. Also the fact that she was dating a kid I was kinda sorta friends with did not help anything. So I deserted her in my buddies basement and left her in tears and full of hatred for me.

 

We didn't talk for about a year and a half. And even then it was quick and to the point. She had been in a relationship with an abusive a-hole that she in turn ended up getting an abortion, and doing all sorts of other crazy f'd up stuff that she's not proud of. So I stopped talking to her again.

 

Fast forward to last year and she was in a relationship with a very nice kid who I happened to like just based off his personality, and she would text me every now and then saying hey whats going on. I remember we played a little "colors" game. It was stupid as hell but it was contact and I know we both liked it. She even sent me a partial.. Yeah you get the picture. This too, was while she was with another guy. A little pointer is that her best friend had text me and I text her a little bit and her best friend told me that she had never been so faithful in a relationship as she was with me. She was faithful and true. And because of who she was to me, I knew it was true. Anyways... we had stopped talking for awhile again.

 

Then early on this summer, about June or so, she text me again saying she was home from school and wanted to go for a walk (she lives literally 2 streets over from me, I literally have to now drive an alternate route just to avoid her house. Which kills me because I loved her parents and brother, and they loved me too). So we went on a walk late at night just doing some catching up. There was 0 attraction points at this time. Then we started hanging out every night after I got off work, going on sheetz runs as we called it, she would go with me to my warehouse to work on my Mustang.. She eventually started hanging around my friends with me, going on cruises and races in the mustang with me and my friends... Everyone said "so your dating now" And of course I'd say we weren't because at the time we weren't... Long story short she sent me a text while with her family at "The Lion King" show at the theater saying this "sooo... I love you" and that was all it took. This was in August. We had taken everything so slow.

 

She went back to school and I won't lie it was very hard. She goes to Ohio State for nursing which is 2hrs away from our houses (unless I'm in the Mustang). I only visited her one time because of her crazy work/school schedule. She came home every now and then tho so it was decently okay. We were making things work tho, and we were in love with each other, and I finally had the opportunity to make good of my past and love her the way I had always wanted too. She was so proud of me for changing so drastically in a few years.. Amazing what being out in the real world can do to you. Her parents thought we were gonna get married, my parents both thought so too, all my friends did.. Everyone who saw us together always made the comment "you guys are perfect for each other" and it was true. We both wear all black clothes, mainly band shirts lol which she has most of my wardrobe now we both love american muscle and hate rice, we both love the same music, our favorite song together was probably Walk with me in Hell by Lamb of God... I mean and on a personality level.. We truly were perfect for each other.

 

Then 6 weeks ago Tuesday... I saw she posted on facebook (I swear facebook ruins lives). So I text her saying "you can post on facebook but can't text me for 7hrs? What's going on?" and I get the dreaded phone call... She was in tears. Said she couldn't do it anymore. That it was making her feel sick to her stomach. That she needs to "get all her ducks in a row" and be there for herself right now. And that the distance wasn't helping anything.. I was completely and totally crushed. Didn't talk for days, wouldn't hardly eat.. It was horrible. My buddy told me not to worry because he talked to her and he swears she'll be back in due time, she just needs her time.

 

I tried contacting her a few times via email.. She hardly responded. But when she did she would tell me how awful she felt for doing this to me. Then on Monday I had messaged my buddy. He called me and pretty much told me that it's been 6 weeks.. I need to go over to her and get it off my chest. So without thinking it over too long I drove over there and froze for a few moments seeing her in the kitchen with her dad. Not because her dad was there, or that her whole family was in the living room, but because I was scared that this would be the end. And seeing her absolutely crushed me. I knocked on the door and her brother came and opened it for me but I just looked down instead of coming in so he went and got her. She ever so kindly said "hey" while I was looking down and I asked her if she had a minute to talk. She said not really but what did I need. I was crushed by that, it had been 6 weeks and she didn't wanna talk about it. I asked her what the hell went wrong? She hadn't come to me about anything, she just went to her room mates, who loved me too, but are obviously gonna take her side on anything. She said that she had just fallen out of love, that it didn't feel the same anymore. She said she would always love me but just couldn't do it anymore. She kept telling me how sorry she was. And then told me that I needed to go home. So I let my inner half Italian (and shes half puerto rican so we're just a fiery couple.. It was awesome) get to me and I told her as I stormed away "I'm sorry I ever fell in love with you". I heard the door shut after I said it, and I know she was in tears.

 

So on Tuesday I ended up sending her an email apologizing for saying that, and pretty much told her that I'll always love her, and I know she'll come back someday, but it's not today, it's not tomorrow, and it's not the day after.. So I was done. I was not waiting for her any longer, that I was going to do the things that make me happy and for now she needs to do the same. I said a lot more too but that was the skeleton of the email.

 

The thing is I think her past is what messed all this up. She was so afraid to love me, she was so afraid to tell me anything, she was just.. Afraid of loving someone again. It's most likely because of her abusive a-hole ex too. Because he f'd everything up for her life. And her parents hated her for a long time during that whole ordeal. Not to mention she was raped by someone she trusted very very well during our time of little to no contact about a year and a half ago. I know that's why she's so sheltered and so closed down about everything. So I added in that email that she needs to stop letting her inner feelings tell her no, stop letting her head tell her no, and to stop keeping everything shelled up in her. That it wasn't good for her.

 

Idk what to do anymore, I blocked her on fb, I deleted her phone number, I deleted her email.. And I'm now in the NC phase starting Tuesday. That girl is my true "soul mate" if such thing exists. We're both 21, and I get that "your young" speech way too many times. But I found her. I found her years ago. And now she's gone.. But I don't wanna give up on her. I'm not letting her just slip away, I'll regret it forever. I'll try my hardest with this NC phase, and with 99% contact ended.. It'll be easier, but I just need some advice on this. What do I do now? Moving on is.. Well.. Like I said, I found her, and I'm not willing to completely give up on her. I'll move on with doing my own thing, but I'm not removing her from my life forever. And I know she wont either. I'm treating this like a very long break.. Told her that we've had a great number of years together, and that I'm hoping we'll have many more together, but we gotta get out of this rut first. And that we're gonna be in it for awhile.

 

Sorry for the incredibly long story, but I needed to provide as many details as possible. It's killing me not having her. What steps do I take to "win" her back so to speak? And how long do I do this damned NC thing? I tried it in the past and cracked, but that's because my heart wasn't all in it. That was on ex b. With ex a... I'm in it till the end. My buddy still tells me that "she's not coming back right now" but still thinks she'll be back even after all this.... What do I do now?

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I should add I've been going to work out with my buddy almost religiously after work, unless we work over. It's helped a lot. I have a very positive friend base that is always there for me, and it means a lot to have them. They've helped tremendously but I've already told them that, tho I can't expect them to understand it, and I'm not so sure I do either, but she is the one. And I will not stand by and let her continue to walk down this road all alone and broken because of her past. I need her to realize that I'm never going to hurt her and only want to make things work for us. I know it would make her happy. And I don't exactly agree with her saying that she "fell out of love with me". Upon talking to others, we seem to think that she just said it to try and get me to leave her alone. She said ever so softly that she would always love me.. And I saw the tears in her eyes as she looked down at the ground. I know she's just a wreck from all the bad things that have happened to her.

 

I'm willing to do the no contact thing, but I really want to know if you guys think she'll be back. A lot of friends and family say she will, even people on other sites say so.. But idk I'm a little stubborn I'm not so sure yet. I'd go any length for her to show her I'm true and genuine, and would never hurt her

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It doesn't really matter what "other sites" said. In the end, it comes down to HER, and not to what other people think.

 

I've read and I really should say, move on. If you're that dedicated to the person you love, find someone else to dedicate yourself to. Keeping your hopes up will not raise the chances of her coming back.

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I got ya. And I never really said that what others say is the god given truth lol I'm just saying the advice I've been given previously. We've done this a few times before but after her last little event prior to me, I have a feeling this time is gonna take a little longer. I'm cool with moving on, and to be honest I have already begun to by telling her that I'm done. The NC thing has gotten easier as the days go by. But I don't go out, so odds of me finding someone else in the next few years is slim to none. I've been in 3 relationships my whole 21yrs of life. I'm okay with that too. Prior to her it had been 3yrs since I'd been in a relationship. I don't go out looking. So I don't have an issue waiting, way I see it, I've got nothing better to do. I'm living my life, and doing my own thing, but I'll always be willing to take her back if I'm available. I just hope with all my heart that she comes back because I truly will not find someone else like her. There may be 1,000,000 fish in the sea, but there is only 1 her. And that's the 1 for me.

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I get the feeling that while you two have been apart, she has been growing and changing and she was not feeling the same way anyway about what she wants for her life - including what she wants in a partner.

 

IF you love her, let her go. Her love is gone and her coming back to you without feeling it would just be torture for you both. As has been said, only she can make the decision to come back. She knows how to find you. Keep living your life and try to move on.

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Don't just wait around for her to change her mind because that may never happen!

 

If you truly love this girl, you need to respect what she's told you -- and BELIEVE HER when she says her feelings have changed and that the relationship is over.

 

You're young and OF COURSE you'll be meeting other people! You're going to have relationships in the coming years with women who you will realize are even MORE compatible -- and who DON'T just *fall out of love* after a short period of time together. It might take you a while to find someone who's got the depth and maturity not to cut and run when the honeymoon phase dies down, but you will find that in someone you love even more than your current ex.

 

Your ex probably just wants to be single and date other people before getting too serious with anyone, which is healthy at her age. Let her go.

 

She isn't *the love of your life*.... she's just *the FIRST love of your life"...

 

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

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