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Dating After Your First Love


LovesMusic

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I was wondering about first loves (assuming decent relationships and nothing crazy)… do people ever love someone more than their first love? Is there a point in a new relationship where people honestly say that they are happier with the partner they found after a first love?

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Yes, definitely. Several times over, in fact I think I've loved everyone since my first love in a better way. He was an emotionally abusive jerk, which may have helped too. But my first long-term crush was a decent guy and yet still yes, I have gone on to love other people. I hate the concept of "more" because I think if you end up with someone and you find yourself thinking "they're okay, but still they aren't X" then you're actually with someone you don't love at all and you're being a bit dishonest about it. Better to heal and move on before you tie someone else up in a relationship you don't feel the same about. In other words I am not a fan of the whole "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with" concept.

 

Every single person I've had a relationship that I loved I can say was just a different relationship. My emotions were not the same with each, my love was not the same with each. None of it was worse or better although I can say some people were better for me or the relationships were better or the men were more sane. But my experience has been that love isn't a quantifiable one size only thing--it changes and grows with each relationship, good or bad.

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Definitely.

 

My first love was perfect on paper. He was good looking, tall, smart, athletic, etc. And yes, it was a decent relationship. He left the country and I thought no one can ever make my heart skip a beat. I was wrong and so happy to be wrong

 

I think what generally makes your first love so special is just that - he/she was first. It's memorable.

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Definitely.

 

My first love was perfect on paper. He was good looking, tall, smart, athletic, etc. And yes, it was a decent relationship. He left the country and I thought no one can ever make my heart skip a beat. I was wrong and so happy to be wrong

 

I think what generally makes your first love so special is just that - he/she was first. It's memorable.

 

so your feelings for your first love never interfered with the person ( I assume you're still with) that makes your "heart skip a beat"?

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I think if you take enough time for yourself to heal after your first break-up, you will be able to approach your next relationship with an open heart, your feelings for your first love will be put away on the shelf, to be remembered fondly just like most memories. It takes time, but you will be able to feel that spark again with someone new.

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so your feelings for your first love never interfered with the person ( I assume you're still with) that makes your "heart skip a beat"?

 

I don't think one ever really forgets one's first love. I know this sounds clichéd, but all of the adversity we face in our lives, romantic or otherwise, serves to shape our characters.

 

During the big crisis surrounding dating, one of my friends cautioned me to remember that a woman is an end in herself, not just a means to another end. At the time I didn't fully understand what she meant, but I started to figure it out this past year when I started dating much more actively. I felt as though it was just one rebound after another after another, because I was still thinking in terms of the progression from my first love to my current involvements. I posted something earlier in the year here about a girl I went out with on what I thought was the best first date of my life. I was really upset when she decided not to go for a second date (more upset than I should've been), but the experience taught me that it was actually possible to relate to someone else without feeling like I was trying to replace someone.

 

I remember one of the persistent thoughts when I had my heart broken for the first time was dread at having to start from scratch. I'd worked so hard to open myself up to someone, and I just felt I couldn't do it all again. It took me a long time to realize the extent to which I could.

 

If you're just coming off losing your first love, this may not make much sense to you right now. I know it didn't for me. But if you reach the point where you accept what happened with your ex and stop trying to replace her, you'll be able to find a spark that will be better, if only because it will also be new.

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OP, I'm very curious about this myself. I am 13 months out from getting dumped by my first love of 5 years (and we lived together for 3 years). I'm dating this girl now, and I can tell she's very interested in me. I can see it potentially going somewhere...but I'm kinda nervous about this too. I don't know if anyone will ever "live up to" my ex, but I keep trying to remind myself that the only reason I feel that way is because she was my first...aka "first girlfriend syndrome." When you break it down, she was really nothing special. So I'm just trying to take it day by day and see where it goes. But yeah...this has definitely been in my mind.

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OP, I'm very curious about this myself. I am 13 months out from getting dumped by my first love of 5 years (and we lived together for 3 years). I'm dating this girl now, and I can tell she's very interested in me. I can see it potentially going somewhere...but I'm kinda nervous about this too. I don't know if anyone will ever "live up to" my ex, but I keep trying to remind myself that the only reason I feel that way is because she was my first...aka "first girlfriend syndrome." When you break it down, she was really nothing special. So I'm just trying to take it day by day and see where it goes. But yeah...this has definitely been in my mind.

 

You have to want it to go somewhere for it to go somewhere. That means not wanting to be with your ex anymore and looking forward to your new life with your new girlfriend. Finding a way to let go of someone you loved so dearly is the hardest part, but I am happy to say that, even though I love my ex with all my heart, I do not want to be with her anymore. It's disheartening and liberating at the same time.

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You have to want it to go somewhere for it to go somewhere. That means not wanting to be with your ex anymore and looking forward to your new life with your new girlfriend. Finding a way to let go of someone you loved so dearly is the hardest part, but I am happy to say that, even though I love my ex with all my heart, I do not want to be with her anymore. It's disheartening and liberating at the same time.

 

She's not my gf yet. We've been on a few dates...I'm still getting to know her in her own right. It was the same with my ex...It took about 6-7 weeks of dating for me to know that I wanted to be with her.

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I don't even remember my first love --- by anything more than his name. I don't remember the "first this" and "first that". It is a very distant memory.

 

You are lucky. I wish my first love didn't last as long as it did and go as deep as it did. We were practically married. I feel like I'm mostly ready to move on...I'm trying to just go with it. I'm going to tell this new girl that I want to take things slowly, if I see it going anywhere.

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