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Need to make things right with my friend somehow


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I haven't seen one of my good girlfriends in about two months... We used to see each other at least weekly, sometimes more and sometimes less, but this year is different. I've graduated from university while she still attends, and I've been busy with volunteering and other things on weekdays, so it's hard.

 

This past month has been especially hard because I went through a bad time with my boyfriend (breaking up, getting back together, and just a messy time). I told her about this on the phone right away and she offered to meet up. I apologized and said that I didn't feel like having company but that I appreciated her and would love to catch up another time really soon. The entire next week didn't work out because my brother and his girlfriend came to stay with my parents and I, and we wanted to spend as much time together as we could. This friend would call and ask to spontaneously hang out within the hour, and I'd be out to dinner or accross the border or doing something with the family. I know I could have been better about calling her back at night or making plans beforehand. This isn't the best excuse, but all I can really say is that I haven't been feeling like myself and I've been distracted with family trying to cheer up, and unfortunately I've been pushing my friends aside lately. However... am I really so awful for doing this during a hard time? This girl has been one of my best friends for four years, and it hurts me that she's so offended and not even asking how I'm doing, knowing very well that I'm not feeling my best. My brother and his girlfriend just left yesterday, so today is the first somewhat quiet day I've had in awhile, and I honestly planned to call my friend up and fill her in on where I've been and apologize for being so absent. She ended up calling me first, and I wrongly assumed that she'd understand and that nothing would be wrong. She is hurt though, that I haven't been wanting to hang out. I ended up apologizing... again, and said that all I can say is that I haven't been great at balancing things lately and that I feel badly because she's important to me. She was so cold... she said something about how she could never be upset with me but that she's tired of trying. I suggested that she let me know what day she's free (apparently she's not free today) and that we could plan something. She's very busy lately with school and work, while I have ample free time lately just job-hunting, so I thought that would be best. And she said no, that I would have to let her know this time.

 

I get that she's hurt, really. I know everyone deals with things differently. She does not withdraw when she's upset, and doesn't get why I do that. But really, I don't feel like I did anything awful. I was never planning to cut her off, I just wanted a couple of weeks to be low-key with family. Before the family get together, I was super stressed applying to graduate programs, volunteering, and running around to meetings, but still made time to talk to her and suggest meeting up, but our schedules always conflicted. I feel like I'm always taking care of people's feelings and it's kind of upsetting that she's being insensitive in my eyes. I sent her a long sappy text after we talked and got no answer. Not sure what to do, I feel bad about this whole thing.

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All you can do is apologize, explain things here as you've explained them on the forum, let her know the crisis and craziness is past and ask if she can meet up. Calling or sending a written letter would be the best way to communicate this though, no brief texts or emails since you tried that already. Do that one more attempt at getting through to her then you can at least know you tried.

 

Honestly it sounds more like you both just ended up at different stages of life. She was able to meet in a moment's notice and expected that of you while you were juggling more responsibilities and didn't have the free time you once had. It happens to people and if she's the sort to hold a grudge or take things personally without taking all the facts into consideration there may not be a lot else you can do. Do your best to reach out, but if she chooses not accept the communication there's really nothing else to be done but look for other friends who share your current life interests.

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