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Worried about cheating while on vacation


SuperDuper

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Hi, I've been seeing this girl for the past 9 months or so, and I'm on vacation in Brazil for the next 14 days and am a little worried she may cheat on me while I'm gone. She hasn't given me any reason to think that, but I can't help feel like she may get lonely, or meet a new guy back home in that time, or lose feelings while I'm gone. Sort of a feeling that I'm missing out (even though it's snowy there and gorgeous here).

 

It's almost as if I feel she'll be hanging with my friends, laughing, gaining attraction for them (or someone else) and I'm accross the world. My friend is coming to join me in a week but I sort of wish I was home, which is ridiculous b/c Brazil is amazing.

 

I feel silly thinking about it, as we have GREAT sex, and are closer than ever. But I have this homesick feeling and I miss her. We've texted a few times since I left a few days ago, and she said she's excited already for me to be home plus we have travel plans together in a few months. I'm looking for honest advice or encouragement so I can start enjoying my vacation more. Thanks a lot.

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If you don't trust her than you should not be in a relationship with her.

 

Your thought process is a little concerning because you are basically saying the only way you can trust her is to be with her to make sure she doesn't misbehave, much like an adult does with a child when they are troublesome.

 

Have you been cheated on in the past? I ask because this feeling is coming from within, there is no external cause.

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Thanks for the quick reply.

 

Well I've never been in such an intimate relationship before. I've had sex with various women but never as emotionally intimate as this. I've never been cheated on (to my knowledge) but I have had a girl leave me and date someone soon after(when I was only 16), so perhaps this is still affecting me(?).

 

This current girl and I are really compatible and I show no signs of neediness, I actually wasn't THAT into her initially but she's seriously grown on me.

 

She says I'm the first guy to make her squirt (too much info?) and she mentions how much she likes me quite often. I just feel that 2 weeks might be too long and she'll lose feelings... I don't know, feels pretty stupid I admit.

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So I should simply abandon the relationship which could be a growth experience for me?

 

I felt if I did that then I won't address an underlying issue that could manifest in future relationships. Perhaps I should just man up and stop worrying, and then when I come home realize nothing was wrong and then learn to trust from that realization?

 

I deeply appreciate all advice thus far, whether it's what I want to hear or not.

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So I should simply abandon the relationship which could be a growth experience for me?

 

I felt if I did that then I won't address an underlying issue that could manifest in future relationships. Perhaps I should just man up and stop worrying, and then when I come home realize nothing was wrong and then learn to trust from that realization?

 

I deeply appreciate all advice thus far, whether it's what I want to hear or not.

 

If you want to stay in the relationship you have to figure out what is going on with you. I suggest seeing a therapist to work out whatever it is that is going on.

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A relationship cannot survive without trust. If she has given you no reason not to trust her, then the problem is with you and will eventually start to poison the relationship.

 

My husband and I met long distance. I lived in Canada, he lived in Scotland. We would spend months apart at a time because we could not afford to visit one another - sometimes up to 6 months in different countries. I trusted him 100% and he trusted me as well. If I thought for a moment he would cheat on me, I wouldn't be in the relationship.

 

You may not realize it now, but suspecting her of cheating when she hasn't given you any reason to will eventually filter through and she will feel it. She will start to feel smothered and will push you away.

 

It doesn't matter if this is your first serious relationship, this insecurity is severe. Many people get into relationships and don't automatically assume that 14 days apart will cause their partner to cheat. You need to get to the root of this insecurity because it isn't healthy.

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I wouldn't quite say I'm in love with her, but I've never felt this about somebody before.

 

Not sure if I need therapy, but perhaps I should be more consistent with meditation. Either way, I appreciate all the help so far. I'm going to dinner with a clearer perspective about all of this. Thanks again all.

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Did it ever occur to you she may be thinking the same thing. You are going on vacation for two weeks to a place known for its sexy, scantily clad women after all. To the beaches yes? Also two weeks isn't anything, two months, two years well then have the talk but two weeks isn't crap in the way of time.

 

Are you very young or is there some other basis for this fear or is it just a general "I've never done this before, what if..." sort of thing.

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Hi, I've been seeing this girl for the past 9 months or so, and I'm on vacation in Brazil for the next 14 days and am a little worried she may cheat on me while I'm gone.

To put another spin on this - it wouldn't surprise me if SHE is worried about YOU cheating on her. If there's no trust then it usually doesn't end in a happy, successful relationship.

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Did it ever occur to you she may be thinking the same thing. You are going on vacation for two weeks to a place known for its sexy, scantily clad women after all. To the beaches yes? Also two weeks isn't anything, two months, two years well then have the talk but two weeks isn't crap in the way of time.

 

Are you very young or is there some other basis for this fear or is it just a general "I've never done this before, what if..." sort of thing.

 

^^ 110% agree. From her PoV, you're going to be somewhere much more tempting to have a fling.

 

Settle your thoughts and just think about the couple of weeks being a bit of extra zip into your reunion when you return. If she's excited about you coming home, well, that promises some extra fun and romance upon that return, no?

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