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Realistic to be satisfied having only one sex partner during lifetime?


renewing

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I think the OP is referring to having only one sex partner your entire life, as in their "number" for life is 1. I don't think anyone would be satisfied having only experienced sex from one person. I think the sex they do have may be amazing, but their curiosity will run wild and lead to a sense of unhappiness with their partner.

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I'm thinking of my grandparents now. Both sets were with each other, and only each other, for life.

 

I wonder what they would say about that. Probably it was something they had thought about and struggled with maybe at some point, the curiosity. But overall, they seemed happier than so many couples I've seen. Something pretty amazing about being with someone for the long haul from the start.

 

I remember hearing that if you stay married for a long time, it's like several marriages. You have to keep up with each others growth and all the changes going on. You recommit many many times. Makes sense to me.

 

The trade off : not getting the variety of partners.

What you can get in return: being and knowing one person sooo well. Perhaps reaching a level of intimacy you couldn't otherwise.

 

Seems pretty sweet to me. Guess some of it would depend on a person's sexual orientation and personality and needs as well. If variety of partners or straying is part of someone's core; it would be a lot harder for them to ever be satisfied with ONE.

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I think it depends on the person. I would have been fine having only one sex partner my entire life. The guy I lost my v-card to in college, well, I honestly thought I would marry him.

 

Some people (JFK for example) no matter how hot, sexual, nice, etc their partner is, will not be able to remain faithful.

 

So, for certain people it is reasonable, for others it is not.

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I'm talking about marrying whoever you lose your virginity to.

 

OP--you need to clarify what you and your friends are discussing.

 

Are you talking about remaining only with the person who has taken your virginity or marrying someone and being faithful only unto them til death?

 

You're talking apples and oranges here.

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I wouldn't have been. And knowing what I know now about sex and the amazing sex I am having now leads me to believe that I, personally, would have been missing out on a lot. But I'm non-mongamous having sex with more then one person doesn't get in the way of life time commitments.

 

If I had only had sex with my first partner (who I was deeply in love with and who I wanted to marry) I would have missed out on so much connection, pleasure, exploration and personal growth. Only having sex with one person might work for some but for me it would have been a giant loss.

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Yeah, I think it probably does depend on the person; it would work for a certain type and not work for another type. My friends generally take the stance that it couldn't work, and I think it's because having sex with multiple partners in your lifetime is the norm these days, and they comment on the fact that it's biological to want to have sex with more than just one. Is it far fetched that a man would be satisfied with just one having been evolved supposedly to have sex with as many women as possible?

 

Open relationships are also a topic that my friends and I have discussed as a solution. It basically means that even though you're in a monogamous relationship, sex is OK to have with other people, and it can therefore potentially save a relationship where you feel need to explore but still really really want to stay with the same person forever. This concept is interesting to me, but again, I don't think it actually would work for a large majority of people. One question I've been wondering is whether open relationships are as strong as strictly monogamous ones or vice versa?

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Open relationships v. monogamous -again depends on the individual. So if you have a couple where monogamy won't work but being able to have sex with others would, then perhaps having sex with others will make the relationship stronger than it would have been (because otherwise they would have broken up). I'll throw in my two cents and write that I don't think open relationships are a healthy environment in which to raise children because I would worry far more about the stability of the home (rather than the strength but that might be the same thing to certain people).

 

For me an open relationship would never have worked nor would I have wanted to be with someone who wanted that. I also think that it has a broad definition -some people call casual dating an "open relationship" while other couples have intricate rules and conditions about who they can sleep with, under what conditions and other boundaries.

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I have a problem with calling something one thing, while it's actually another. The whole definition of monogamy is being committed to one.

 

If someone chooses to see multiple, go for it. But don't call it an 'open relationship' that is monogamous. It's a lie. Total pet peeve of mine.

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Again, there is no one answer to this. Every person I have personally know to try an open relationship have ended up getting hurt, losing friends, etc. It has never ended well once in my experience. But, you will hear some people here on ENA talk about being in successful open relationships. \

 

My opinion is this: One person is enough work. Why would I want two, three, four, etc?

 

There are also cultural considerations. In countries where women are a source of labor and a man has to provide for them, emotions don't really come into play and multiple people can live a comfortable life together in what we would call an open marriage.

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I think it just depends on the person. I've had sex with several people but I would've been content staying with the person I lost my virginity to if our relationship would've worked out...unfortunately it didn't. I've been with my current boyfriend for a few months and I actually took his virginity. I've questioned myself silently, 'if things continue with us into the future...would he be content with only had having sex with one person for the rest of his life?' I think it's normal to wonder about what else there is out there though. But like I said, it just depends on the person if theyre content with only one person their entire life. Other people are discontent with everything or get bored easily..

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I have a problem with calling something one thing, while it's actually another. The whole definition of monogamy is being committed to one.

 

If someone chooses to see multiple, go for it. But don't call it an 'open relationship' that is monogamous. It's a lie. Total pet peeve of mine.

 

It really says a lot. Obviously it can't be monogamy - I mean it has 'mono' in it so the word is explicit and strict. But to still desire to call it that - why? Ashamed of your open relationship and desperate for others to accept it by inaccurately describing it to make it more palatable? Or, do you really want to be monogamous and your open relationship is settling and your choice of words is showing your actual feeling?

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I'm in a kind of open relationship called polyamory. I have three partners (one I've been with for eight years, another I've been with for five years and a third I've been with for three years) being non-monogmous isn't about getting extra sex outside of monogamy (at least for me and my partners) it's about having multiple loving relationships and the option to connect with new people on whatever level works for us.

 

But I won't lie, being open to having sex and connection with new people is something I really enjoy having as an option, even if it's an option a rarely take.

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