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How would this make you feel?


InvisibleWound

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It has been a while since I posted, I have another boyfriend thread... The other day I was bothered and asked my boyfriend why we have not been having sex. Tuesday and Wednesday I sent him text from work letting him know I was hoping to, that I missed him, etc... I wasn't trying to be controlling or anything just throwing it out that I wanted to and hoped he did too.

 

Yesterday we were walking to check the mailbox and I asked him why he was not interested lately. He made a comment about how he prefers it to be natural and when I make comments about wanting it or hoping that it happens, this somehow stresses him out, kills his mood and then he won't do it for those reasons. However, there are times I have mentioned I wanted to and then we did. But now all the sudden its been an issue...

 

We've been together over 7 years, sex has at times been an issue, either not good sex or lack of sex. Our sex life is much better than it was but we still hit points of going a long period without it. I guess I just feel off that me letting him know that I want to is apparently a bad thing now. I figured maybe last night we would of but we didn't...

 

I just feel really depressed about it and since he feels that way I guess I will not be texting him mentioning it for a long time since it apparently ruins any mood he had... He had also commented that the last 2 nights I had fallen asleep. Well he stayed up, I asked him if he was coming to bed and he didn't until later so yes I fell asleep, but I always am waiting and willing for him. *sigh* What is your guys take? How would this make you feel? I am sure we will have sex again but basically I need to wait now until he wants it which could be days or weeks away.

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He's selfish.

 

I would feel exactly the same way you feel: hurt, unwanted and that my needs were no where near being in a reasonable realm of consideration with him.

 

What is his porn usage like?

 

Generally speaking, men do not turn up their noses at sex with the woman they love and insist it must be "organic": meaning: on my terms alone. That is why I say he's selfish. Your needs, your desires, your wants have no place in his terms. I think it's appalling that he's purposely waiting for you to fall asleep before coming to bed--and what is wrong with him gently bringing you up out of slumber with caresses and kisses, seeing that you want to share intimacy with him?

 

You have a lot of thinking you need to do about how you want to live out your life with this man because you're going to have to get to a place where you are fine and content with a sexually selfish man and I don't think your self esteem will survive that journey.

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I don't understand his explanation, it doesn't make sense...sounds kinda like bullsh*t if you ask me. It's either that, or he just wasn't sure what to say and that's what came to his mind....when the reality is he just wasn't in the mood, and that's it. I would feel the same as you, a bit taken aback, a bit hurt, a bit confused...but I would recommend not taking it too seriously...and also don't bother talking about it...just let things happen "organically" for the next while like he likes it...and then see how things go...don't feel the need to overanalyze it unless it becomes a real problem, which at this point, it's not. If it becomes a problem though...u need to talk about it. I don't think it's selfish either to want your needs catered to a bit...as long as you are willing to give back when the time comes.

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Funny enough during our talk he made a comment like "Not that you want to hear this but I have not jacked off in a week" Me and him both watch porn and we both masturbate solo, I have never let it interfere with him though. Even if I was to masturbate today for example I would still be willing to have sex with him today. I think watches it a couple times a week myself but not sure. We live together as well.

 

There have been times things worked fine like I told him I wanted to and we did it or I initiated and we did it. I have been rejected before though and that hurts so I initiate less now...

 

For me its getting to a point where I am becoming tired of it. I am tired of this sex game we play, his sex drive is not as high as mine but even when it was in a place where I am content it drops again all the time. I start to think something is wrong with me, but how would I know, I am not him.

 

We've had a great run me and him but I have put so much time into making it work with him, this is not our only issue, we have other problems to. I am 27 now actually so not sure if I want to continue to carry this out.

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I don't understand his explanation, it doesn't make sense...sounds kinda like bullsh*t if you ask me. It's either that, or he just wasn't sure what to say and that's what came to his mind....when the reality is he just wasn't in the mood, and that's it. I would feel the same as you, a bit taken aback, a bit hurt, a bit confused...but I would recommend not taking it too seriously...and also don't bother talking about it...just let things happen "organically" for the next while like he likes it...and then see how things go...don't feel the need to overanalyze it unless it becomes a real problem, which at this point, it's not. If it becomes a problem though...u need to talk about it.

 

 

Yeah its all very strange and hurtful for me. I am fine with taking it slow and his way I just don't know if I can keep doing this. 7 years is a long time, and the fact that our sex life changes in an instant can get depressing. If it worsens I am bringing it up again, on a side note I have other stuff to think about though.

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We've had a great run me and him but I have put so much time into making it work with him, this is not our only issue, we have other problems to. I am 27 now actually so not sure if I want to continue to carry this out.

 

Okay problem is bigger than what your telling us here...clearly you are not considering breaking it off just because of this..

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My ex used to make me feel that way - the it got to the point where I didn't even want to try. It is very hurtful to the you - I felt that same way. I hope you can work through it, but in my case it didn't get any better and I felt way to much pressure if it did happen. I want to be with someone who makes me feel irresistible, I think that's what we deserve or anyone deserves for that matter!!

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I had a feeling that there were other issues going on. Frequency and satisfaction of sex usually are the way in which one is alerted to the emotional problems of their partner.

 

One can be stressed in their life and still say to you "I'm so stressed and I've just got so much on my mind that I am not feeling very sexual", instead of insulting your intelligence by saying you need to quit bringing it up so he can figure out if today he feels like doing it.

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I think most men would be dancing with joy that their woman asks for sex, I know mine sure does and we've been together for a couple of years now. Yes, you need to sit him down and talk to him when you're both together and in a good mood about why there's a mismatch on sex drive. Or you need to take a careful look at what else may be going on in your relationship that is just being reflected in this lack of interest: extra stress on his part, a sudden change or loss, a medical issue etc.

 

Something is there.

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