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was gonna take it slow/fresh start, but change of plans...


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So other day my ex texted which seemed to be her first initiated contact with me in the 8 months we've been apart...i had pretty much done all the initiating before then...before she contacted the other day, i pretty much went no contact for the past month which was the last time we spoke to each other...she texted me the other day (and i made a thread about it) that it was days like that day when shes stuck in milwaukee with her family (we live in the chicago area) that she really misses me and always remembers who i went up there once while she was stuck up there just to see a movie with her, and just how she missed what we had and missed how good she felt with me...so i suggested we try a new approach at trying again, but with a new approach this time (we've broken up 4 times, and gotten back together 3, yes, i know thats alot, each one being kind of different, nothing too bad or extreme, i really don't think most of them should've happened) i suggest we take a fresh/slow new start to see what happens in terms of trying the relationship again, really feel it out again first, instead of jump right back into it like the last times...so we talk the first few days the past couple of days and everythings good, then i text her tonight and she says she talked to her mom about her plan and the idea and i guess her mom told her we'd just be making it worse on ourselves, ect and she agreed and i guess thats that now...i did tell when we decided to do this to please let me know if you want to change your mind, but i guess i'm still pretty upset and let down, and i guess pissed at myself for not realizing more that this was a very possibility of happening...i guess better now than later, or if we got back together...it just still sucks alot now, cause i wonder what if it actually worked out with this new approach...

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When people get a break from a relationship that isn't working, they're often reluctant because they know how hard it is to get out.

 

In my opinion, your mistakes were:

- proposing that the 2 of you try again - you should have let her decide that - but you wanted certainty

- proposing it so soon after she got in contact - again because you wanted to lock her down.

 

You're too desperate. You need to cool it and let her come to you.

 

But at the end of the day, a person who's not willing to do what's necessary to make your relationship work is someone you need to let go off.

 

On a side note, her mother pisses me off - friends and family members are too eager to try to help people leave their partners or move on than (because that's easier and means they have to hear less complaining) than they are to try to help people figure out how to make a relationship work with someone they love.

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Thoug I am upset and pissed about this, I guess I'm mad at myself for thinking that she wouldn't changed her mind in going through with this , because it was a very real possibility...it's just that SHE is the one who texted me 3 days ago out of nowhere talking about how much she missed me and what we had, ect, and I kinda of strike up a new plan to see if we can possibly try yet again and already her damn mother was enough to make her change her mind...it just really sucks, and well , hurts

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When you've been with somone for a good amt of time, it is normal, after a break up to 'miss each other'. Because that is a BIG change, not seeing or speaking to each other anymore. And this is one of the hardest things to break...letting go.

So, this can dwindle on for a period of time after the relation has ended.

 

Although they may 'miss us', doesn't always mean they want to get together again...

I've had my ex admit, after 3 months apart, they he's missing me, still loves me etc.. BUT he is in another relationship now. So, there goes that! I have tried so hard NOT to contact him and I've done okay since end of Nov. Though it doesn't help, if they just show up & say they were in the area & wanted to see how i'm doing etc.

Yes, that, again brings you way down again and it hurts!

 

Best thing is to just try and move forwards... away from her. Aim your self on YOU now. Work on 'accepting & healing', from the break up.

Little texts or calls.. saying I miss you etc. Are 'nothing'. Unless or Until they want to come back into our lives, leave them alone.

Keep moving forward and take care of you. To work on healing your head & heart now. It is going to be hard for a while, but in time you may come to realize it was for the best.

 

One day at a time... tc

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thats what i'm gonna ultimately have to do now...it pisses and upsets me that she can go from one feeling to another so easily and quickly....one day shes texting me out of the blue, misses me, misses everything, agrees to start slowly again, a few days later, changes her mind, wishes me good luck and just leaves it at that...i'm trying to text her some important things that i'm feeling, and shes not even replying, like i dont even now all of a sudden, so i message her on FB and she says its better that she didnt reply to them...i can't believe her right now, i almost hate her right now, for making me feel this way and going from one thing to another!

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Don't feel bad for reacting the way you did. We all wanted our ex back, it's natural to try to grab onto something you love when it is moving away from you.

 

But, as everyone else says, it is time to focus on yourself and try to be your best for the next one. This girl may come back to you, but successful reconciliations take YEARS. That's why you rarely hear about them.

 

Because most people find someone better than the person who dumped them.

 

You will too. No more talking to her!

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i guess i'm pissed at myself for even replying to her text the other day too, but i knew i wasn't about to ignore that text...my emotions got the better of me and i guess i was so happy to finally see her initiate contact during this break up for this time in 8 months we'd been apart again...this is our 4th break up, the last 3 break ups she initiated everything and i guess i thought it'd be the same this time around, but i was really only me initiating everything, until the other day when she finally initiated...i guess i tried, thats all i ever do is try with her, probably more than i should've....shes missed me all along but apparently missed me more than usually that day and decided "screw it, i want to talk to him"...i should've known better to get my hopes up...

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I'm not going to change my number, but I am going back to no contact, and will try my best not to answer her unless it has something to so with her geniunely wanting to try again without too much doubt, but that's if she does contact me...I'm awaiting around for that anymore, or expecting it...she texted on Monday out of nowhere and I totally didn't expect it so you never know, but I did my best, and once again, she fled

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because changing my number would be to big of a thing to deal with and a pain in the ass, and its not worth it...monday was really the only time shes initiated contact during this 4th break up...i was really the one doing all the initiating at first during this break up, but gave up and went no contact back in november and then she texted me the other, so i had the power to not respond as well, really....for all i know she'll end up deleting my number at some point anyways...

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I agree, you should change your number.

 

You need to stop her from being able to send you breadcrumb texts. You've made yourself too available for her -- and kept the door open far too long, to the point where you're only just now coming to terms with the breakup.

 

 

On a side note, her mother pisses me off - friends and family members are too eager to try to help people leave their partners or move on than (because that's easier and means they have to hear less complaining) than they are to try to help people figure out how to make a relationship work with someone they love.

 

Her mother might've also been privy to information the ex wasn't sharing with the OP -- like, her true feelings for him. If the ex is unsure of her feelings and doubting that he's "the one" for her, she wouldn't necessarily be telling HIM-- but she'd be telling her mom, who would be giving her advice based on that more complete understanding.

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changing my number is not happening...

 

as for her true feelings, i don't think her true feelings are different from what i know of...i'm pretty her decision to change her mind the other day was based off of us trying so many times before...i don't think she honestly would've changed her mind if we hadn't tried 3 other times before...i don't the what she feels and misses of and from me is real...i guess it only took one person from her side (family, friend, however) to really make her think about whether getting back together a 4th time is the right thing to do because of the us breaking up 4 times already...i mean, we were going to take a different approach this time, but i guess her mother gave her pointers as to why its most likely not a good idea and it sunk in with her, unfortunately...cause she was actually looking forward to seeing how this would go, i think deep down she really wanted to be with me still, but shes realizing that the reality of it is its probably not best to try YET again...which i guess i understand, as much as it sucks!

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