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A Really Tough Situation... Please, advice?


BlueEyedLegacy

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Hey guys...

 

So I've been dating this guy, Chase, for nearly two months now. He is a very amazing guy, he treats me like a princess and I feel important to him. But before me, there was this girl he was dating, Sarah. They dated for two months (which is also how long he knew her for) and then one day he got a text telling him that she had been in a car wreck and she ended up dying that night, he had spent the entire night at the hospital while she was in but she just didn't make it through the night. It's very obvious that he cared for her a lot. He told me that she was his first real girlfriend. I have been here for him to talk to if he needs to talk about it and I have tried to be very understanding of the situation although I can't know exactly what he is going through (although I definitely know what like to have someone you love a lot die). It's been 4 months since she died. The only issue for me with this has just been me wondering if I can be good enough for Chase. I get to thinking about how if that wouldn't have happened to her then they would probably still be together and he wouldn't be with me. I know I had no control over this happening but it's just a really sad thing and I hate that he had to go through losing someone important to him. I know there has been times in the past where he compared me to her, he admitted that to me himself. He said he wasn't trying to, it just happens at times. I wonder sometimes if their connection was stronger than mine and his or if she was the one he should be with instead of me. I just want him to be happy & even if that would mean that I had never gotten to meet him and he could be with Sarah then that's what I'd want for him if he'd be happiest with her. Last weekend he went with Sarah's family to a christmas thing for the weekend. I really didn't mind that very much, he told me her family was like family to him. But tonight he asked me what I was doing Christmas eve morning and I said nothing, why? & he said we shall spend it together because he is going to spend time with Sarah's family Christmas eve night/evening and he has gifts for them he needs to give them & he is going to go to the cemetery. I was actually going to ask him to go to my family's christmas eve get together we have on christmas eve night. I was talking to my mom about all of this and she said to me that she would think he would want to spend that night with me & that he has already had a hard time moving on and if he keeps spending time with her family then how will it be any easier to move forward with his life? & what if he keeps getting closer and closer to them and then even next year goes to spend time with them on christmas eve? Does anyone think that would be a bit weird? especially for me if we are still together. But I can't say anything to him about it if that's what he wants to do is go and see her family... and I can understand him wanting to, but at the same time I am just slightly bothered. I guess it's just that it brings up those feelings in me and doubts about whether or not I can ever compare to what he had with her. I probably shouldn't think this way. I don't know how I should react to this, so I'm just reaching out to you guys for anything at all you might have to say that could be helpful for me in this situation. Thank you so much for reading.

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i would try to not worry too much about him spending time with her family on christmas eve night. he still tried to see you on the morning of christmas eve. he is trying to be there for her family and maybe he think that's the least he could do for her.

 

you have to give him time to move on. if he wants to spend xmas eve night with the family then let him do what he wants. i would start to worry if it's an ongoing issue if he keeps placing her family before you.

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This has all been a shock to him & very difficult this time of year.

In ways he's 'compared' you to her, is similar to rebound relationships. I don't know if he got with you immedietly after he broke up with her, but if that's so, then this could be why he did that.

 

I dont think you should take all of this personally, as she is no longer here.

I'd suggest you do your best to bare with it for another month or two. After the holidays and see how he's doing then.

IF he's still acting this way (negative etc) with you after another month or two, I'd suggest maybe he take some down time, maybe he'll need a break from this relationship to deal with himself & his feelings.

Maybe some therapy might be good for him too.

 

give it a bit more time. If it becomes too much, maybe he will need time to work himself out then maybe, in time, he'll be okay & ready to try with you again.

Loss is never easy...

 

good luck

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