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How can i convince myself it's over and move on, going crazy


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So my and my ex were dating before becoming official for like maybe 5months then official for a month so total 6 months speaking 24/7. She wanted to be official like she told mutual friends, she was crazy about me. I liked her but not SOO much, anyway i decided to make it official,in the beginning it was perfect she told everyone how happy she was and i make her feel. And she told me i was her favourite person,last week and a half idk what got into me i thought i wanted to be done, she was just a bit too clingy. She was also BEAUTIFUL and had amazing personality. So i became such a ty bf she said we need to talk and i said lets take a break. 3 days later i realized how stupid i am and said i'm sorry and i want us back and all that, she said it was too soon and i needed to show her that i changed. The more i tried pulling, the more she pushed. 2 weeks later she says she doesn't see it going anywhere and she was crying 3 days after that to a friend saying she might've regretted her decision. Anyway the next week she goes out with this guy she knows, and 2-3 weeks later they're official. I heard she's really happy with him.

 

Now onto the main part, my head tell me it's over 100% she is over you, she has a boyfriend what more do you need to say, but my heart (as cheesy as it sounds) will f me up and say there's no way you get over someone that fast she must still have feelings for you, since she was the one always worried if i'd leave her.i've been going crazy since i found out about them, a bit over three weeks ago. I just need to know how i can convince myself that she has no feelings whatsoever and she'll never come back. I need to get my life back, i can't go on thinking about her 24/7. I also need to forgive myself for how i ruined it. So please how can i convince myself she'll never ever come back, i am in NC right now but i'm only missing her more, i don't feel any better. Only my appetite improved

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This will be a case of a lesson learned for you. Take it as such. People's feelings matter. You can't treat them like rubbish and expect that they'll stick around.

 

You had your chance. Even before she got with him you tried to win her back and it didn't work. Leave her to her life. Move on.

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Dude, you screwed up and now your EGO hurts. So now your Ego is wondering if she is over you, or if she thinks about you.

Who cares what she is thinking or doing, you let her go. You are thinking of her because you messed up. LIke JJ said this is a lesson learned and don't do that again if you have a great girl. She is gone.

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It has nothing to do with my ego,and i'm trying to move on but i can't it's been a month and a half post BU, she's all i think about. All i can think about is the good times and how i screwed up, i'll never find anyone like her. I don't want to sound like a snob, i'm only 18 but nothing's ever hurt this much, the past month and a half has been the worst in my life. Like i'm mentally exhausted and depressed 24/7

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Yes i know i wasn't the best boyfriend for the last 10 days,but like what about the other 6 months like all just down the drain.it just really sucks and i'm just so lost My friends tell me why are you depressed the whole time, and i know i'm bringing them down with me with my vibe. I just don't know what on earth i can do! I'm in NC but i'm not feeling any better, my sleep is so messed up, all i do is replay scenarios where i f'ed up big time. Sometimes i wonder if i'm going crazy, i've never felt anything like this before. Like it would be easier if she had bad traits or did anything wrong to screw us up, but she didn't! So there is nothing bad i can remember about her, i feel sad as hell whenever we pass by like just a month and a half ago we were together and now we're like complete strangers

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You are only 18.. you made a mistake but its okay, we all have made mistakes along the way and thats okay because we learn more by losing than we do by winning.

You will also see that you will find a girl that is better. You will evolve and so will your taste. When you are 21 you are going to go and say "what was I thinking at 18" then when you are 25 youll say "what was I thinking at 21?" I still say that and Im older than you, I still make mistakes and still upset my GF. We are guys, we are not dumb but we do dumb things. The trick is not to make the same dumb mistake over and over.

When I was 17 I was dating a hot 24yr old model who was in a calendar for a big company, she broke up with me and I thought no way will I find a girl like that, and thru the years I have learned that when I was 17 I was an idiot in thinking that because I have dated girls that were better.

Question is when you find a girl who is good to you, will you do the same thing and want a "break" again? You attracted a great girl before and you can do it again. So keep your head up because you never know what will happen in the future. In a few years you might be with an amazing girl or you might re-connect from someone in your past. Either way, youll be alright.

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Yes i know i wasn't the best boyfriend for the last 10 days,but like what about the other 6 months like all just down the drain.it just really sucks and i'm just so lost

 

You were a pretty bad bf to ask for a break. That's not love. That's disinterest.

 

It's normal psychologically for you to feel like you feel. Give it six months and you'll be much better. It's the normal panic mode post break up. You just have to plow through it.

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I know i was, and i can't forgive myself for how much i hurt her.But it kills knowing someone else is making her smile that's not me. I don't think it's a panic mode,by the end of the month it'll be 2 months post BU. I've never hit this low in my life, i've reached rock bottom. I still replay the same scenarios over and over, i imagine them 2 doing what we did and i imagining her coming back. I know this sounds really pathetic. But i never knew i could feel this much pain, i've been in NC but i honestly don't feel like i'm getting any better. I can't focus on anything anymore. It got so bad to where i bought the "break-up cure system" yesterday for $67 online, NC alone wasn't helping, so even if i do get slightly better from the system i'll be happy

And the main problem i have is it takes me FOREVER to actually fall for someone,but when i do i get so attatched

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You're having a normal reaction, post breakup.

 

It's also normal to blame yourself -- many people do, it gives them the illusion that they could somehow FIX the situation if they had another chance.

 

Just try and relax, it's normal to be feeling this badly at the almost-2-months point. By the end of January, if you stick to NC, you should be feeling a bit better. But you need to have some patience, this is a part of falling in love and having relationships: often they don't work out and then we have to get through these horrible breakups.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

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I now believe this process of letting go, healing and moving on takes place mainly at the subconscious level. Until your subconscious mind accepts it and agrees with your conscious rational mind, you will likely still be plagued by the obsessive thoughts and feelings about her, the relationship and the breakup. At some point your subconscious mind will have completed processing it and then you will have moved on. You might consider the possibility of working with a reputable hypnotherapist, as they specialize in that function of the mind.

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I now believe this process of letting go, healing and moving on takes place mainly at the subconscious level. Until your subconscious mind accepts it and agrees with your conscious rational mind, you will likely still be plagued by the obsessive thoughts and feelings about her, the relationship and the breakup. At some point your subconscious mind will have completed processing it and then you will have moved on. You might consider the possibility of working with a reputable hypnotherapist, as they specialize in that function of the mind.

 

Can you speed up the process of subconscious processing? I really WANT to move on, but it seems like I can't. I'm taking antidepressants which help a little. At least I'm not constant at rock bottom, sometimes i can shift my attention. But keep having weird dreams about her. Can't help but feel i lost my soulmate, which she wasn't, but on some level i still feel that way.

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Can you speed up the process of subconscious processing? I really WANT to move on, but it seems like I can't. I'm taking antidepressants which help a little. At least I'm not constant at rock bottom, sometimes i can shift my attention. But keep having weird dreams about her. Can't help but feel i lost my soulmate, which she wasn't, but on some level i still feel that way.

 

Strategies to help "speed up" the process:

 

1. Exercise

2. Meditate and do yoga

3. Spend time with friends

4. Read books about letting go of a relationship and do the exercises in the books

5. Set up goals for yourself and reach them (e.g. to run a 5k)

6. Get yourself a makeover

7. Volunteer with the less fortunate

 

Basically, retrain your brain/give your brain happy chemicals, stay busy so you don't dwell on the relationship, keep inevitable thoughts on the relationship productive, and get perspective by recognizing others really need your help.

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I'm going to be starting a program for working out called p90x3 maybe i can increase my endorphins But like how can i not think about her 24/7? I'm literally obsessing, especially since i found out about her new boyfriend. Half october she invited me to christmas lunch with her family and family friends, now in 4 days that lunch will still be there but with someone else replacing me I've never been like this and i hate being in this spot, i'm usually the cheerful one from my friends. Now i just give the depression vibe. You really never know what you've got till it's gone

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I believe the obsessive thoughts are a symptom of trapped pain - anything that releases and heals that pain is helpful. Cry it out as many times as you need to; it is very cleansing and helpful. Your subconscious mind has to adapt to a new reality that does not include her. The process of letting go is painful and produces a lot of tears, but they are tears with a purpose and it's temporary.

 

Why I think it is so hard to let go and move on is that we can easily get bogged down in the process by certain beliefs we hold. Some types of beliefs that keep people from letting go properly are things like, "I'll never be happy without him," or "I'll never be happy without her," or, "I can't live without him/her" or "I can't survive alone," or "He was the one," or "She was the one," or "I'll never feel that way about anyone else," or "That was my last chance for love," or even more generalized things such as "Nobody wants me" or "Nobody loves me" or things like that. None of these are true but they can be beliefs that hold us back and keep us from achieving happiness.

 

If you can identify what the beliefs are that are still sitting in your subconscious and try to replace them, either by affirming new thoughts over and over again until they become new beliefs that replace the old, harmful beliefs, or even by the use of hypnotherapy or self-hypnosis.

 

You might want to take some time browsing around the articles at this page: link removed as I think they can be very insightful and helpful.

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Strategies to help "speed up" the process:

 

1. Exercise

2. Meditate and do yoga

3. Spend time with friends

4. Read books about letting go of a relationship and do the exercises in the books

5. Set up goals for yourself and reach them (e.g. to run a 5k)

6. Get yourself a makeover

7. Volunteer with the less fortunate

 

Basically, retrain your brain/give your brain happy chemicals, stay busy so you don't dwell on the relationship, keep inevitable thoughts on the relationship productive, and get perspective by recognizing others really need your help.

 

Good suggestions. I already volunteer, i guess i could take up a sport or something. For now I should really concentrate on the upcoming exams.. But I hardly can. I have two weeks off to study but i spend my time ruminating. I tried to meet friends but somehow i'm in this phase of my life where it's difficult, everyone seems to be getting married and pregnant etc. And they simply do not have time. I'm in this transition phase and very much depend on my own strentgh to cope, which is practically zero.

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