Missing the little things

[Horus94]

I'm having a moment of weakness right now and i'm hoping to look for some insight and encouragement to keep on going. I'm tempted to break NC right although i haven't had the urge to call her for some time now. I heard a song by accident that led to some memories of the quirky little things she did that made me fall in love with her. We both made many mistakes in our relationships, she broke up with me and demoted me to a friends with benefits situations with her, then after a year, eventually fell out of love with me after meeting a new guy. I thought i could let go gracefully since i wish the best for her and i realize most of the pain is because of pride and letting go what i thought i once had.

 

But now when i'm reminded of the little things that made her my favorite person, it hurts so much. Not to mention the fact that she left me at a time where i was already going through a lot of personal struggles with my identity, my life etc. I thought for the most part i had weathered the toughest part of the storm but i feel terrible now. I don't have many friends but they tell me she was a selfish b**** for what she did, basically using me after our breakup to avoid the pain of the breakup while finding someone else to eventually replace me. Even after she found someone else, she still called and wanted to be friends, exploiting me when i was most vulnerable. Logically i understand staying with her isn't good for me but its so hard to demonize her when i've got her on this pedestal. Yes everyone insists you shouldn't place them there but no one tells you specifically how to get them off. I'm just so confused.