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breaking up with the girl who was Family, Best Friend, and Love


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Looking for support or anything actually at this time. I'm 27, we've knew each other since high school and I also had a crush on her.

 

After graduating with a BS, I moved to California where she was attending university as a senior. We reconnected and flirted for a while before becoming official 3 years ago.

 

We had issues normal couples go through during this time. Big issues were her parents were overprotective (did not approve of us, or any guy for that matter), I was an overgiver, clingy, emotionally dependent on her, and I made her a priority in my life while it was not true the other way.

 

A year ago, she broke up with me and she rebounded with some guy her aunt introduced her (the DUMPER rebounding...). It was like 1 week after we broke up. I was determined to get her back. We went through soooooo much, for me at this point in my life, I still can't believe they happened. A lot of hurtful things were said/done and it was a dreadful push-pull situation up until this fall.

 

I was finally able to get her back as the other guy basically only saw her only as someone who he can party, chill, eat, and with. Although it was dreadful, but I've managed to work on each of our issues mentioned above during all this time. Everything was sweet and blissful. I've managed to purchase a brand new house and everything seemed to be on track. We had been talking about marriage since then, even though we still needed to work on her parents.

 

She took time off from work and went on a month long vacation visiting her parents in another country. There were quarrels but it was normal for them. Everything was still going awesome. Then 3 days after she got back, she broke up with me saying she wanted to go back and help the family business (she was really concerned about her parents overworking) and that we would never work out since her parents would not approve of us. She did not want to "disobey" her parents and cause more arguments. She told me she still wanted us to remain best friends and enjoy the time we had left which was about a year.

 

During this time we, more so I, were having difficulties coping. She met a guy while on her trip and they were chatting for a while. Nothing serious she says. Even if it was serious, nothing will change the fact that I'm going back for good she says. We are just friends, keeping it simple she says.

 

Last night, according to her she stayed over at his place because she wanted to get away. This was exactly what happened the first time we broke up last year. It was just a different guy this time.

 

I've amazingly made it through the night even though I did attempt to hang myself. During this time I've been trying to get back on my feet, but I don't really have any friends here and we shared a lot of common friends. I was able to talk to 2 friends who are in different cities but I know they have their own lives too.

 

The loneliness at night frightens me and I'm still grieving the loss of someone who was literally everything to me...

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Where is your support network? Your family and friends?

 

She is not worth ending your existence over. She has now left you twice. It is time for you to start healing from this relationship. Put your energies into work, hobbies, family & friends etc. Take one day at a time.

 

Not all girls will be like her. You'll find someone who will love you for you one day but in the meantime continue to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

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I'm right there with you. She was my everything and I made the mistake of revolving my life around you. It's hell trying to find a way to be alone now.

 

But I will see that if you have some acquaintances, try letting them in. It's what I did and now they are helping me move on with my life. People have a tremendous capacity to care.

 

Try that. You can make it

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Some brainstorming on the support network subject. Just like you, my best friends moved out of the country. Other friends are the type "thank god it's over, now you'll party with us all the time and have sex with other girls" which I don't want them near me for that kind of support.

 

Then the mutual friends. What to do about them??? They know what happened and still remained super friends with her which shocked me a lot so I cut them off (another bad time for me). Any thoughts on how to handle the mutal friends?

 

On the other hand it might be a good thing to go through this ordeal alone. You get to know and focus on yourself better than ever. You find your true self, you don't have exterior influences. You'll learn to be happy and have success alone. And this is a very important stronghold, foundation IMO. Especially if you were codependent. You'll come out of this stronger than ever. So even if you're going alone, try to see the positive side of it.

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I'm really sorry to hear this. From your story, I think her parents were a convenient excuse. It sounds moreso like she was not able to make things work out with the 'rebound' and she went back to you for comfort/as a back up. But her heart was really gone when she started talking to another guy. I think this was all apart of the process of getting you out of her system.

 

Very selfish.

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I tried to salvage what was left of us and focus on our friendship because that's what she wanted too. Yet she ditched me tonight and placed her own shortlived happiness above everything else...

 

From what I've been experiencing, when Exs want to remain friends it's the ultimate selfish act from them. They are doing it for themselves, to cope with the guilt they feel, to be ok with their conscience.

 

They don't need us anymore than we (shouldn't) need them.

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So I have been in the ER for the past 18 hours for attempted suicide after saying my goodbyes to a couple of friends, family, and ex. To those who are thinking about doing something similar, please just don't. I'm still waiting for the hospital to transfer me to another place with a psych unit but they are all full. So I'm stuck in this cold room with no one around, staring at the wall for the past day. I'm extremely saddened and broken by the fact that I've pushed away my ex also my best friend who would have been here to support me.

 

My world is literally upside down now... And I know I'll have to go through this struggle myself without her being there for me anymore...

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my brother's got his own family to take care of, most of my friends are not in the country. i've spent so much time and effort on her that i really never lived my life hence didnt really connect/reconnect with friends.

 

I was in the place you are now, about one month ago. I was stuck in there for weeks and it was an awful, awful place. I had thoughts about suicide myself, but it were passive thoughts more like 'i wouldn't mind crashing my car into a tree'. I did not attempt, but I called a suicide hotline and I threatened with suicide if my ex left me only for her to end things very coldheartedly (which i am now very ashamed of. She ran away with my last bucket of dignity). Anyway, I also invested so much energy in this relationship that i basically have zero (maybe one, two?) friends left. Everyone just ignored me when I was in so deep. Even now I feel like sh*t with the holidays coming up and having almost no friends left. But I'm not thinking about killing myself anymore. At least not all the time? What helped for me? Antidepressants. And work. Now I have to study bc i have exams coming up and it's very hard, working kept me distracted ..

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So I have been in the ER for the past 18 hours for attempted suicide after saying my goodbyes to a couple of friends, family, and ex. To those who are thinking about doing something similar, please just don't. I'm still waiting for the hospital to transfer me to another place with a psych unit but they are all full. So I'm stuck in this cold room with no one around, staring at the wall for the past day. I'm extremely saddened and broken by the fact that I've pushed away my ex also my best friend who would have been here to support me.

 

My world is literally upside down now... And I know I'll have to go through this struggle myself without her being there for me anymore...

 

I know nothing I say can help you. But know that I cry for you, feel for you and is pretty much in your shoes. I am so very sorry you are experiencing this hell. Please keep us updated.

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This woman does not sound like a catch at all and IMO she's treated you pretty poorly. You can do much better. Each relationship is a learning experience. You obviously got way too codependent in this one but you are taking steps to address it which is good. I know you don't want to hear it but you will likely be much happier with someone who appreciates you more. You gave her a second chance and it didn't work out. Try not to beat yourself up too much. You can move on from this - it happens to the best of us.

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