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Women Who Like To Be In Control


LovesMusic

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I am curious what is meant when I woman says that she like to be in control in the bedroom? As a man, this goes against my natural order of things. I would appreciate advice from women who also like to be in control. What does this mean, and how can I play into it to make it more enjoyable for my partners?

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Well first you have to ask yourself why it "goes against your natural order of things"? Control is something that doesn't always HAVE to be a part of sex. You can have sex and have one person in control, or have it as mutual experience. Most of the time when I am with my husband, we make it up as we go along. Neither one of is is "in control" although we make our needs known when necessary. Other times, he might decide to pin me down, or I might decide it would be fun to take the lead. It is all in what makes you and your partner comfortable.

 

Ask yourself why you feel uncomfortable with the idea of giving up control to someone else. Is it because you aren't sure you can trust your partner? Because you feel inadequate or insecure?

 

Bottom line if you aren't comfortable with something sexually then you might not be sexually compatible with that person.

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I like to be in control sometimes. For me, that means me initiating the sex, me doing most of the "work", being on top, ect. I also like my man being in control as well. It's all about variety. I could understand you not liking it based simply on your preferences, but saying it "goes against the natural order" is a bit odd. Does it make you feel emasculated?

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there is no such thing as "natural order of things" when it comes to sex. Gawd! It is an exchange of passion,emotion and intimacy, not one person being inflexible.

 

Perhaps she wants to assure that she will reach her orgasm as opposed to leaving it up to you.

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Well....a woman who likes to be in control is not looking for you to make things more pleasurable for her. She will take care of that herself and wants you to be a more passive/submissive passenger on that ride. So your thinking in and of itself is still not letting go of control and actively seeking to control in a way.

 

More importantly, if this is not something that sits well with you, then why bother? Seek compatibility in the bedroom rather than incompatibility.

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I appreciate your honesty this helps a lot. No I do not feel emasculated nor did I say it made me uncomfortable. My biological role is that of a male (dominance) so yes allowing a woman to take control goes against the natural order of things.

 

 

 

all of the above, mhowe (for the most part).

 

 

 

you make a very good point about thinking in. I think you're right and I should just let it happen.

 

 

 

I'm starting to think I didn't make my self clear and, for that, I am sorry. I do not have a problem with it nor do I have strong sexist beliefs. I am all up for having a woman in control and whatever might float her boat I am willing to try. The question was made out of ignorance. I do not know what having her be in control means necessarily and I was mearly asking what that meant and what it entails so that I don't, in my natural mind set, take her out of control by doing some instinctual behavior in the bedroom.

 

I hope I cleared some things up.

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That sounds like bad science tbh.

 

If a woman wants to be in control, let her. That's how you play into that. If you can't do that because of science, let her find a lover who's a better fit.

 

It's not bad science, it is the consensus of the scientific community. Secondly, I'm not saying I can't do it because of science, I'm saying I want to understand it, so I do it accurately.

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For someone who claims a strong background in the sciences, your terminology is quite vague and generic. "Males are dominant" is a pretty non-specific statement. There are some very, very broad general statements that apply to the sexes, but dominance and submissiveness in human beings has a lot to do with individual personalities, temperaments, and complex mixes of attributes. I've known men who are more submissive than some women; I've known some extremely aggressive women, and even women who are more physically built than some men. So for someone who has a background in science, your comments are notably over-simplified, even if you are not "strongly" (?) sexist.

 

It seems like you have a rigid way of thinking, and that translates into a "there's one right way to do it" view on this. There are many ways to be dominant, and many ways to be submissive; many ways to take control, many ways to yield, in a dynamic with someone. There's no one blueprint for what "taking control" looks like. For one person, that might mean pinning you down and climbing on top of you in bed; for another, it might mean talking in a demandingly dirty way, regardless of the position you're assuming physically; for yet another, it might mean popping a finger or other objects in your rear; for another, it might mean enjoying sexting you all day initiating erotic propositions. And this is by no means an exhaustive list, since the variations are endless. So there's no one "role" or behavior that defines what she will want to do or enjoy, and when you say you don't want to do something that would "take her out of control", I don't even know what that would mean. Because "natural instinct" in a man is not just one behavior, either. Even a man who is strongly masculine can sometimes be receptive, gentle, soft and vulnerable in bed (mmm, that sounded good.)

 

Being in control is no one position or behavior or attitude, so the only thing you can do is communicate with your partner and go with the flow of what she's indicating she wants to do. Sex is like a conversation, it's not a script where you come to the scene with everything memorized beforehand. So you'll just have to respond to your partner as she communicates with you, and as long as you're open to following her lead, you can't go wrong. You can also ask her, do you want this, do you like that, and see what unfolds.

 

Drop your preconceptions, including what "instinct" is, and you'll find out as it happens what's working. No formulas here. You don't "do sex accurately" or inaccurately. Those words just don't make much sense on the bedroom. No one here can tell you what your individual lady will respond to most. Lovemaking is an art, not a science.

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It's not bad science, it is the consensus of the scientific community. Secondly, I'm not saying I can't do it because of science, I'm saying I want to understand it, so I do it accurately.

 

I find it strange you need to 'understand' it and do it 'accurately'. You understand your own need/longing for control in the bedroom? Apparently you very much do since you think science gives you the alone-right or be the only one to be originally meant for it.

'in your natural mindset'? I know plenty of guys, (oh yes I am that experienced though not a sl*t mind you *sigh*)

that loved for me being in control. It is called the world we live in and also it is called sexual revolution, just ask your parents perhaps.

 

Women can and have all sorts of longings and are very well aptitude to all kinds of behaviours, being submissive is not their 'natural mindset'.

 

 

It's like you're here seeking for advice on how to threat this woman, this strange nonconformist creature, who wants to take the lead in the bedroom.

 

And you say you are fully experienced?

 

I personally think your woman urgently needs to take control even if it only purposes you to fall from your high horse.

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If animals only do it doggy style, doesn't mean you need to.

 

and that's just the thing larlequin, as I presume you already meant or know as most people do, there a LOT of species where the female is dominant in sexual behaviour. Some species of spiders for example even kill the male after the deed. Talk about being dominant...

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That sounds like bad science tbh.

 

If a woman wants to be in control, let her. That's how you play into that. If you can't do that because of science, let her find a lover who's a better fit.

 

Exactly. Agree.

 

There's nothing to do but enjoy it. And if you can't enjoy it, find a partner who is more sexually compatible with you.

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For someone who claims a strong background in the sciences, your terminology is quite vague and generic. "Males are dominant" is a pretty non-specific statement.

 

You are missing the point. I was merely relating how it is I was confused on what a woman meant by saying she wants to be in control. Like it or not, males are dominant (for the majority). That is science and that is not in any way shape or form a rule book for how things HAVE to be. It is just a general consensus of the majority of men. Yes you will find some guys who like being dominated or submissive. No one is claiming there is a set of rules that anyone species follows without exception. We keep getting off topic by discussing one small statement that I originally made. which like it or not is scientific fact (or widely accepted hypothesis). There is nothing wrong with me wanting to understand what's going through a woman's head when she states she wants to be in control. It says I take time to try to figure you out and provide what you crave. In short, get off my back about the male dominance thing please. Take your time to read a biology book or research online, it really is not the point of the post. If you'd like to debate the science of mating then PM me. I'd love to have a discussion about it, but not here.

I will thank you for your advice that actually pertained to the subject. It was very helpful and I'm starting to put this "control" thing into perspective. It's not that their is a way of putting a woman in control, it's about her feeling like she is control doing whatever it is that may make her feel that way. Thank you for that.

 

I find it strange you need to 'understand' it and do it 'accurately'. You understand your own need/longing for control in the bedroom?

 

It is not strange to want to better understand your partner and their desires. No, I did not come out of the womb understanding the intricacy of the female mindset or their sexuality. I'm a man, guilty as charged. I understand how to be a man and what that means. Females are completely from another planet (that's a metaphor, no I do not actually think they are aliens.) Whether a woman is submissive or not in her mindset does not change the fact that, for the majority, a male is going to dominate her. The chemistry of the body is different between sexes and men are different from woman on so many more levels than just genitalia and breast size. Stating this does not put me on a high horse. It's rude to assume that as well. I do not think of this woman as a nonconformist. This is ALL TO UNDERSTAND. You as well can debate science with me on a PM, but please stick to the topic and leave your judgements to yourself because you took what I said completely out of context.

 

Most women can easily reach orgasm if they are "in charge", because honestly, we know better how to do it with ourselves them with most men.)

If animals only do it doggy style, doesn't mean you need to.

 

This actually helped. Thank you.

 

If animals only do it doggy style, doesn't mean you need to.

 

and that's just the thing larlequin, as I presume you already meant or know as most people do, there a LOT of species where the female is dominant in sexual behaviour. Some species of spiders for example even kill the male after the deed. Talk about being dominant...

 

This is true. For the most part I am referring to human sexuality. In the case of spiders, we are lucky women don't kill us after ha ha ha.

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Instead of asking a bunch of strangers on a message board, did you think of asking the woman who made the statement? She might be able to enlighten you better!

 

I was hoping to go into that conversation with a bit of background knowledge or at least know what I was getting involved with before I asked. I communicate extensively with my partners, it makes the relationship better IMO. I think I have enough information as of now, thanks for all the help for those who contributed!

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Taking control can also be about the man! I enjoy taking control, and that often includes pushing my man back on the pillows and going down on him, just knowing that I am in control of his d***. I also enjoy being on top, and doing whatever to see him orgasm. Simply put, I like to know that he is dependent on me for the orgasm and I am in control of when he will have (as much as I can be) one and how.

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Taking control can also be about the man! I enjoy taking control, and that often includes pushing my man back on the pillows and going down on him, just knowing that I am in control of his d***. I also enjoy being on top, and doing whatever to see him orgasm. Simply put, I like to know that he is dependent on me for the orgasm and I am in control of when he will have (as much as I can be) one and how.

 

thanks for the honesty. This is best advice I've received!

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