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Did he forget me so fast?


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I've been doing very well. I mean, I went no contact since the day it happened and it's been almost 3 months. Most days I do well and I usually block out any thoughts that will make me sad..

 

This guy was the love of my life. It showed me what my past relationships lacked ( love, comfort, trust, passion). When it happened, I saw it coming because of a few factors but we were always so in love no matter what. We were each other's first real and true relationship and we thought so long term

 

My issue now that hurts me is that I feel like he forgot me and he doesn't think of me. And it bothers me that I'm hurting so badly if he's so fine.. ( I'm assuming ). Is it normal to wonder this? Do you really think he can just not think of me and feel some type of feeling? I recently found out he posted a picture on ig and it wasn't anything big ( he barely ever posts anything ) but the fact that he seems to be having fun .. It hurts even more. I never go through his stuff and someone slipped it out and I wish I never heard it.

 

I just hate feeling like im easily left and forgotten.. Makes the pain worse

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There is no telling. When my ex dumped me and she said she was already over me, honestly it was a blessing...I mean if you got dumped you want to move on without hope so...

It is normal to feel bad. I wanted my ex to feel bad and miserable too but she was doing just fine, she probably still is. If they forget about us so easily it's a shame but that means they were not the right ones for us. Hang in there.

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It is a strange thing to try and understand from my point of view. To correlate pictures posted on FB or IG with an actual human mind and thought patterns. Those sites are aimed at gaining attention/recognition for some, maybe most people. Portraying life how the user wants to be seen by others.

Those two sites messed with my break up in a big way.

 

Felt exactly as you did HR, regarding my relationship. Also with the "stuff" posted on the net after the break-up. But i did get the opportunity to hear that it was not all fun and carefree for my Ex. Its a public portrayal, snap shots, not a total definition of their new life. Just how they "want" to be seen.

I am wiser now.

You are not forgotten.

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It is a strange thing to try and understand from my point of view. To correlate pictures posted on FB or IG with an actual human mind and thought patterns. Those sites are aimed at gaining attention/recognition for some, maybe most people. Portraying life how the user wants to be seen by others.

Those two sites messed with my break up in a big way.

 

Felt exactly as you did HR, regarding my relationship. Also with the "stuff" posted on the net after the break-up. But i did get the opportunity to hear that it was not all fun and carefree for my Ex. Its a public portrayal, snap shots, not a total definition of their new life. Just how they "want" to be seen.

I am wiser now.

You are not forgotten.

 

Wow thank you, your words truly helped me as I saw a picture today and it completely made me feel like my progress was crushed.. I've been told exactly what you said as well and I guess I let my emotions get the best of me. I feel I'm so used to my other ex talking to me after the break and reaching out that it not happening this time hurt.. I feel like some sort of connection would make me feel a little more like I was worth something .. But I think I'm just digging too deep into this

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Ever hear this?:

" A picture says a thousand words"

 

That's how our mind is/was operating. People that cared about me applied 1000 words to the pictures posted online. Then... when i viewed the pictures( I did not use fbook or igram til after break-up) my brain added another 10,000

 

truly truly understand that crushing feeling. The lack or fade out of communication. Connection. Emotions do get the better of you. Made the typical mistakes so plainly pointed out to me very early on... but i only learnt the lesson after going through and participating in the lesson!

 

As far as self worth is concerned... do NOT place it all into the one basket... a single individuals dealings with you. Took me quiiiiite a while, but i am starting to see my contribution to the life of many others. REAL recognition of worth comes from within. NOT from the amount of likes and comments on social media.

Look around. Smile. Have a positive impact on the people around you, and the progress of healing will continue after this temporary setback.

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Thank you so much. Your words are like poetry ! And it's made me realize I'm probably overthinking it and fresking out. In fact, my sister posted a picture of us just to show him that I'm happy.. But the picture obviously doesn't show what' I am going through. And he probably saw it and assumed the same, that I'm completely fine and not hurting.

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My words are like poetry? Aww shucks*blush*

I think the actual quote is"a picture paints a thousand words", but glad you understood what i was trying to say.

 

... it's made me realize I'm probably overthinking it and fresking out. In fact, my sister posted a picture of us just to show him that I'm happy.. But the picture obviously doesn't show what' I am going through. And he probably saw it and assumed the same, that I'm completely fine and not hurting.

It is good to hear that you are identifying the overthinking and freak outs. That's a real step in the right direction!

When you start to identify your reactions, then you are able to start controlling those reactions. Regaining control over yourself feels like walking out into the fresh air of a crisp sunny morning.. after being stuck in the dark,foul, midnight fog of post-break up blues.

 

You also recognised the fact that a pic your sis posted does not tell your whole life story. Good spotting. Misguided intentions on her behalf maybe.

Post something when you are happy, not with the goal of proving or implying happiness to someone else.

 

My advice:

Take the advice of a lot of other members on here, and block/remove the ex from your social accounts as much as possible. Tone down your usage of fb and ig for a while, and focus on real life. Post only what is relevant to share with close friends and family. If somehow in a roundabout way you do end up seeing a pic, for your own sake remember remember remember...

 

It is just a snapshot, a moment in time that someone wants to "show off" for recognition and validation. Not a work of art. No depth. No effort.. not worth applying your thoughts or a thousand words to. Just a moment in time.

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you'd be surprised on how fast some people can move on, my ex was crazy about me and much more into the relationship than i was. i became cold maybe the last 10 days (i can't forgive myself) she said we needed to talk and we both agreed to break/breakup and see how things are, she started crying. i tried getting her back 4 days later she said it was too soon and she was too hurt but still liked me. 2 weeks later she says we should just be friends. a week later she starts seeing this guy, maybe 2 weeks in and now they are boyfriend girlfriend . i felt like a a spear went through my heart, especially since i ruined things. but after everything how could she move on so fast? i'm still really depressed and she's really happy with him. sleeping pattern is awful she's in my head 24/7. i know how you feel, like you meant nothing right?

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Thank you for the advice. I have no social networking sites as of now ( didn't have it while we were together either ) nor do I want one either! I don't want to display my break up in front of people as they would surely figure it out. The picture I saw was basically through my sisters page that I accidently stumbled upon (ugh)

 

I realize that I'm not a confident person and that I tend to put all my

Happiness onto my partner. I realize this because I should be able to hear what he is doing and not feel so deeply offended. After all, he is human and even sad people have happy outings.. As I do! So I think I need to work on letting go of that fear that hearing something on accident will affect me too much. I've put him on a pedestal basically and have felt a bit worthless since he left and not the other way around.. But today I sat down and I wrote down all the things I did for him.. Things I went out of my way to do to make him happy. It made me realize that I'm a good person who puts her heart into it and does so much for the person she loves. A lot of people (girls especially) I'm today's world think the man should do all the romantic gestures but I've always been one to give. Knowing the amount I've done and the full love and trust I gave makes me open my eyes and see I was a giving and loyal girlfriend who went above and beyond. If anything, he should look back and realize what he lost. So I'm slowly gaining confidence and realizing my worth.

 

You're amazing thank you again for all that you have advised me.

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I'm sorry to hear that. I did go read your story and it looks like you guys were together for about a month? A lot of times new love is exciting and were very infatuated with the person. But true love is seen after all the "newness" and excitement dies down and you just love being together through the good days and boring days and bad days. In many ways, you should feel happy that it happened now rather than later. I'm the type that fights for my relationships. I never give up. If you're that type and she isn't, you're better off finding someone what appreciates you much more. You'll find the one and this will seem like a minor bump in the road. I promise you. I'm better at giving advice than taking my own.. But I hope you open your eyes and see the opportunities awaiting you in the future! Be confident and know yor worth.

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We were comitted to each other 5 months before but just without the official status. It's sad how she had a switch of emotions, although what i did was really wrong i'll keep reminding myself she didn't want to work it out because of 10 days, which is something very salgable

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We were comitted to each other 5 months before but just without the official status. It's sad how she had a switch of emotions, although what i did was really wrong i'll keep reminding myself she didn't want to work it out because of 10 days, which is something very salgable

 

Don't blame yourself. If I was in love with someone, I wouldn't easily leave and find a new guy right away. Not possible. This wasn't you. I can blame myself for a lot but it would only torture me and it won't allow you to heal. It happened for a reason and in time you'll have that answer

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To comment on your original post..I have to say who the heck cares if your X is thinking of you. Those thoughts will do nothing good for you. Its normal to think that. We want our X to miss us or see a life without us but does it really matter? Just because they are out there doesnt mean they are on top of the world you know. And no one is restricting your access to happiness. Its your X, who cares what they think.

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If your Ex dumped you, moved on and you are in NC for a while, yes, they don't care about you. I found that really hard to believe but it's true. Just like you fall in love all of a sudden you can drop out from someone's life very fast too. It's something that switch inside I think.

 

Their minds are living in the present (where WE are no more) ,while ours (the dumpees) are holding on to the past.

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I don't think they forget you that fast. I think they dump you and feel immediately relief, and then as time passes they force down any memory of you and stay in the present in order to stop looking back. And then more time passes and they look back.

 

So it's like the exact opposite of the dumpee.

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To comment on your original post..I have to say who the heck cares if your X is thinking of you. Those thoughts will do nothing good for you. Its normal to think that. We want our X to miss us or see a life without us but does it really matter? Just because they are out there doesnt mean they are on top of the world you know. And no one is restricting your access to happiness. Its your X, who cares what they think.

 

This is good advice also, although it is difficult in the beginning to not wonder what your ex is thinking.

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I don't think they forget you that fast. I think they dump you and feel immediately relief, and then as time passes they force down any memory of you and stay in the present in order to stop looking back. And then more time passes and they look back.

 

So it's like the exact opposite of the dumpee.

 

Interesting thought. But why would they look back after a lot of time has passed?

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Interesting thought. But why would they look back after a lot of time has passed?

 

Because it's human nature. You know how people tend to look at the past through rose-colored glasses? This would be the same thing.

 

Unless your relationship was so terrible that it was worth moving on, there's no way they don't eventually look back. And from what I've noticed in the relationships of people I know, this "looking back" usually occurs after they realize their "new life" is not all it was cracked up to be, or if they go through some sort of traumatic event like they are dumped, or they lose their job, etc.

 

They look back in search of that comfort. Doesn't mean they will want to reconcile, which is why no contact is always advised unless the dumper expressly says "I made a mistake and I'm so sorry".

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Hum so that can happen by the time infatuation/honey moon phase with the new partner fades away and challenges start arising? Yeah I see but I think it will be more likely if they do end up facing hard times in their lives. Being stable and happy I don't see reason to look back.

 

In either case this is not something a dumpee should be thinking of.

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Hum so that can happen by the time infatuation/honey moon phase with the new partner fades away and challenges start arising? Yeah I see but I think it will be more likely if they do end up facing hard times in their lives. Being stable and happy I don't see reason to look back.

 

In either case this is not something a dumpee should be thinking of.

 

Right. While the dumper is doing whatever they are doing, the dumpee is trying to not remember and be happy. So usually dumpee's just heal and find a new life and by the time the dumper even looks back or wants to talk again, the dumpee could care less.

 

So the dumpee should be focused on moving on

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Firefly, u think you're right .. I've seen that happen quite a lot. Especially when the dumper leaves from a rash decision and the dumpee stays away forcing the dumper to feel like without them. I feel like the lack of contact keeps wounds open for them in a way. And yea there may be times the dumper forgets and moves on butt I think that's when the love isn't so deep.

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Firefly, u think you're right .. I've seen that happen quite a lot. Especially when the dumper leaves from a rash decision and the dumpee stays away forcing the dumper to feel like without them. I feel like the lack of contact keeps wounds open for them in a way. And yea there may be times the dumper forgets and moves on butt I think that's when the love isn't so deep.

 

Whatever the case, if wounds stay open or not, you should not focus on that. Move on.Act like your ex is DEAD. MOVE.ON. If they come back, is a pleasant surprise but if they don't, at least you were expecting and preparing for it.

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