Ladies is more attractive usefulness or looks?

[junebug123]

I mean to say in the heading: What is more attractive, usefulness or looks.

 

It has occurred to me that women might value a mans usefulness over his looks at many instances although this doesn't always seem to be the case when men are checking out women.

 

When i say usefulness it implies, can a guy fix stuff, can he drive you around, can he cook, can he clean, can he make good money, can he help out with family issues etc. Everyone has felt some sort of attraction to a useful person at some point in their life. Whether this is a professor who was really smart and taught you a lot, or an employer who was nice and showed you a lot about the industry, i find myself more and more attracted to useful women all the time. There are some times when i even think to myself, this girl is hot but she is totally and utterly useless.

 

Of course different women will have different opinions and some will say it is a combination of the two, but at the end of the day i am wondering why i see ugly men with beautiful women, there has to be a rational explanation.

 

So this question is for women, what is valued more: usefulness or looks?

[Seraphim]

Looks won't keep someone around forever because looks don't last forever however being useful.... That never goes out of style or gets old.

And attractiveness is entirely subjective.

[NorthDallas40]

why i see ugly men with beautiful women, there has to be a rational explanation.

 

I'm thinking that 9 times out of 10, he has an above-average income.

 

Not to say women are gold-diggers, but they do appreciate security and a man who can provide for both her and her children.

[ladyinblue90]

Usefulness. Look can only go so far. Personality is best.

[Nightvision]

I'm hoping it does help being handy. Although I never discussed it when going on dates. No clue if telling somebody that you can do anything around the house is a good topic, it depends on the way you present it.

 

Usefulness probably falls in this category:

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[Mesemene]

I will say this - the best looking guy in the world becomes extraordinarily UNattractive if he's unwilling or unable to help out with basic household stuff.

 

No matter how good looking someone is, if all you see is their butt planted like a living couch ornament, they look like something you want to kick out the door.

[junebug123]

After seeing some of these replies it makes me think a lot different about my perspective on women. My friends and I always judge women based on their looks, no matter how useful a girl is looks just seem so much more important, do other guys feel the same way?

[JA0371]

Initially looks are important..for a short time, then they need to bring something to the table..and not just the bed.

[Seraphim]

I'm hoping it does help being handy. Although I never discussed it when going on dates. No clue if telling somebody that you can do anything around the house is a good topic, it depends on the way you present it.

 

Usefulness probably falls in this category:

link removed

 

My husband is the sexiest guy in the world because he can fix cars ,fix many things around the house ,cook ,wash clothes..

[Nightvision]

Well, I guess I should wait a couple of years to be appreciated...then I will fight off women with a stick

 

Delacrank, for me it's a turn-off if the girl is a couch potato. If she can bake / cool I'm sold. One that isn't afraid of getting down and dirty working in the garage would be marriage material...

 

This makes me think too...around this age frame (25-30) many probably don't care too much about usefulness.

[NorthDallas40]

If a girl can't cook, I can't take her seriously as a longterm prospect.

 

I never cared about knitting/sewing, but my last ex knitted all the time and I found it incredibly charming. Now if a girl tells me she's crafty like that in some way, it gets my attention.

 

As for myself, I can cook, change a tire, play guitar, good with computers... unfortunately when I was a homeowner I was an utter disaster when trying to fix things like leaky faucets.

[lerenard]

I adore how my BF looks, he is a perfection for me personally, with how he looks. But for others he may be just average looking guy, or maybe some even call him not attractive at all. Do I care?

I love him for how good we get along, and how we match in life, I am crazy about the fact that he has amazing guitar skills, and he can talk for hours about very complicated music stuff I will never fit inside my head!! He is strong and smart and funny.

 

I am 23 by the way. And last time when I was after the looks, was when I had a crush at 16 ))) He was an a-hole, by the way, but a very handsome one... Now I don't find him attractive at all.

[junebug123]

 

This makes me think too...around this age frame (25-30) many probably don't care too much about usefulness.

 

Not necessarily, i think women look for other things which you may not necessarily think are useful. Dancing, knowing how to network and socialize, the ability to make plans and get people together, certain skills which men may or may not have is what some women around that age find useful. Not every guy falls into that category though, some are more concerned about playing video games, watching movies, and drinking beers.

 

I am thinking that there are many things which women look for that men are oblivious about, maybe this thread will bring to light some of those areas. I know for one that i stink at socializing and making plans, its just hard to work on your weaknesses when you don't necessarily enjoy doing those sort of things.

[Capricorn3]

I will say this - the best looking guy in the world becomes extraordinarily UNattractive if he's unwilling or unable to help out with basic household stuff.

No matter how good looking someone is, if all you see is their butt planted like a living couch ornament, they look like something you want to kick out the door.

 

I second this post. It says it all.

[ami7]

Look doesn t matter for me, like my grandmother would say, if a man looks slightly better than devil, that s enough.

I think most women don t choose men like an accessory, we don t want them to look good, but rather make us feel good/safe etc.

[greta96]

Usefulness is definitely the most important of the two, but the man also has to be good looking *to me*. It doesn't matter if he is good looking to others or not, all that matters is how *I* see him. There have been instances where I dated useless good looking guys and their laziness turned me off fast.

But I have to be honest, I would never be happy with a man I perceive as totally unattractive, regardless of how useful he may be.

[Sylvia]

Looks aren't everything. My boyfriend is sexy yes, but When I first met him I thought he was simply "cute"

 

I got to know him, we started hanging out more, eventually started dating, and now we plan to get married one day. His personality and the way he treats me are what make him more and more sexy every day. Plus he helps cook, and clean, and what not. So I guess its different for different women. The sexiest man in the world could come up to me right now and offer me millions of dollars to run away with him. The answer would be no. I wouldn't trade my baby in for anything. Other women may not think he's attractive, or they might I don't know. But he's mine, I love him, and that's all that matters.

[SocialStigma]

Looks grow on me if I like a guy's personality as long as I didn't think they were ugly in the first place.

 

I never developed feelings for my boyfriend until after I got to know his personality. Yes he was tall and cute but that wasn't what made me fall for him..plenty of guys are tall and cute. He brings me medicine when I'm sick, cooks for me when I'm too busy to make anything other than frozen dinners during exams, gives me back rubs when I'm stressed, sings me to sleep, etc. That's what makes him a keeper, not his looks.

[itsallgrand]

No matter how good looking someone is, if all you see is their butt planted like a living couch ornament, they look like something you want to kick out the door.

 

lol. Very true!

 

Well let's see. Ideally the man for me, and what I tend to be attracted to, is nice to look at AND someone who contributes. I have no problem contributing as well. Actually, that is perfection.

 

The best is when you find someone who compliments what you have to offer too. I am good at and enjoy cooking/ baking - but I don't want that to be 'my job' all the time either. I really like it when a man can cook and enjoy it. So if we were to take turns with me doing the bulk, that would make me happy.

 

Etc.

 

It's not so much to me about his 'usefulness' as his spirit and willingness to work with me. Team effort! Thinking of each other! Having each others back!

 

I'm pretty good at providing security and getting things done for myself. I'm not really looking for a guy (and never really was) who will do these things for me. I've figured out quite a few things I never thought I would - and was the kid who would insist "let me handle that chainsaw, don't tell me no simply because I am a girl!".

 

But a teammate who knows some things I don't know, who is willing to get in there, who is reliable...reliable to me is really sexy.

 

Give me a cute/handsome somewhat average in looks guy who has his head together and who I can count on any day over the guy who makes women swoon but is used to coasting in life...

 

It actually kinda makes me go "wha.." that anyone would want a coaster just cause they are pretty/good looking. That's an ornament, not a partner.

 

Now I'm thinking of Soylent green and the "furniture" girls. lol.

[happpybear]

I never cared about knitting/sewing, but my last ex knitted all the time and I found it incredibly charming. Now if a girl tells me she's crafty like that in some way, it gets my attention.

 

Hey that's cool, I do crafty things and I always figure most guys would think I'm a weirdo or granny-ish. Good to know that there is at least one guy out there that thinks it's cool!

[TattyK]

When I first saw my husband I wasn't all that attracted to him, he seemed like a "big dumb man". But after getting to know him, I became very attracted to him, he had a lot of friends and he valued his family, his personality was shining and warm. He is very honest and funny, and he comes accross as a "man's man". He takes care of his business, and is very responsible with money. I could tell way back then that he was going to be a good husband and father.

Plus he raves about my cooking to anyone that will listen, that really flattered me as well

I've been with really good looking men, but honestly their personality was so flat and boring it became a real turn-off. A lot (not all) of really good looking people coast by on that and as a result never really have to work on their personality or become unique in any way. I started to avoid the really good looking ones because I just expected that they would be as interesting and valuable as a piece of stale toast.

[happpybear]

I agree with everything you wrote here! I feel like you read my mind, especially the teammate thing and reliability

[Cheetarah]

I like when we can teach each other something. I am very handy and I do things myself. But I asked this guy I was seeing before to show me how to weld - I like to learn new things. And to me, nothing is sexier than a patient teacher showing me a new skill or something he loves.

[superfan]

To be honest I wouldn't value looks or usefulness over the other - meaning I would see them both on an even keel. Looks aren't hugely important to me, but neither is a handy skill.

 

My husband is not traditionally "good looking" (though I find him to be attractive obviously)

 

And he is definitely not "handy". He doesn't know how to build/fix cars/repair things/etc. If something breaks we have to get it fixed professionally.

 

He CAN cook, but so can I. He is good with computers, but not by any stretch an expert (and not to an extent where I would become reliant on his skills in that department).

 

I couldn't care less about how much money a man makes either.

 

What matters to me, is shared interests, values, compatibility and chemistry.

 

THAT is the most important thing. Without that, you got nothin'

[DancingFool]

To be honest I wouldn't value looks or usefulness over the other - meaning I would see them both on an even keel. Looks aren't hugely important to me, but neither is a handy skill.

 

My husband is not traditionally "good looking" (though I find him to be attractive obviously)

 

And he is definitely not "handy". He doesn't know how to build/fix cars/repair things/etc. If something breaks we have to get it fixed professionally.

 

He CAN cook, but so can I. He is good with computers, but not by any stretch an expert (and not to an extent where I would become reliant on his skills in that department).

 

I couldn't care less about how much money a man makes either.

 

What matters to me, is shared interests, values, compatibility and chemistry.

 

THAT is the most important thing. Without that, you got nothin'

 

^This in the sense that it illustrates nicely that attraction is highly subjective, individual and contains many invisible parts to it. So looking at a guy, thinking to yourself about how on earth is that ugly dude with that hot girl is really an absurd oversimplification that makes life and dating confusing. Dating is not a competition where if you are better, faster, smarter you win the girl. It might work like that in movies, but it sure doesn't work like that in reality. There is no universal "better" in dating.

 

Rather than focusing like that on other people, better to focus on yourself and pay attention to who wants to be with you, because that's all that really matters. Finding that person who compliments you and you them.