Jump to content

This one is incredibly complicated


huggybear9999

Recommended Posts

Ok so my Ex and I were together off and on for 3 years. We have two children together, lived together for nearly a year and have been through a lot together. I love her unconditionally and nonstop. Our constant back and forth has been because of my own selfishness and stupidity, and I've been taking steps to change that. Recently she was kicked out of her parents house, so my family put her up in our second house to get back on her feet (this was about 2 months ago). After that happened we decided to try being together again, but it fizzled after about 3 weeks because (to reiterate) I was selfish and stupid. I have had feelings for her ever since, but I did not act on them because I didn't know if I wanted it or not. Now I know that I want to be with her and have a family together, but she has found a new guy to be with (and yes she hangs out with him in my family's second home and has slept with him). I asked her if she wants to try again, and have kept asking her and trying to prove that I've changed but she keeps saying that she just can't be sure. How do I continue from here on out? Should I be in touch with her and be a friend while every so often mentioning that I love her and want to try things again? I keep feeling like she is on the cusp of saying yes, but her doubt overshadows that. I'm completely lost here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Where are your children in all of this? No offense, but all this on-again, off-again, can't-decide-if-I-want-to-be-with-you-until-you're-with-another-man-and-then-it's-really-important stuff is superfluous.

 

I think you should treat this woman as the mother of your kids, not as a sometimes-lover, and work on figuring out a stable environment for your children.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No.

 

Your "change" hasn't been in effect on a consistent basis long enough for her to take you seriously. This could very well be another one of your selfish ploys as far as she's concerned. She's already been down this road with you and you couldn't make it through one month the last time. She's got babies she's got to raise; she needs a man who is devoted to her and her children and so far, you have made your selfishness and stupidity far more important than her and your children.

 

First, you need to spend AT. LEAST. 18 months showing unfailing consistency as a parenting partner. When she begins seeing tenacity in your dealings with your children, it may soften her views and cause her to rethink her position. But for right now? You've got a whole lot of heavy lifting you need to be doing with regards to achieving and maintaniing consistency.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She is presently involved. You can't 'expect' anything from her now.

And if/when they split, you then have to wait for her to deal with all that, emotionally.

I think it's best you leave her alone and just be a 'good dad' with your kids.

 

I'd suggest move on... leave all alone there.

 

tc

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all for your responses. A reason why I had brought this up to you all is because I'm currently in talks to buy a house for her and my children to live in. And @camus154 my children are well taken care of. She's a fantastic mother and I see them 3 nights a week and have them overnight every other Saturday without having gone to court. So I guess I am just going to have to keep on changing and live the changes I've decided to make.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...