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Husband wants a divorce. im devestated


megnorman

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so my husband and i have been married for one year. we met in the navy almost three years ago. i just ended my service with the navy two months ago in order to be with him and have a family. we have been arguing a lot lately. i blame a lot of it on myself. mostly because i would nag him and not ask for his help with silly things like he dishes or the laundry. i would just wait till i got mad and argue about it. i believe i made him feel bad a lot and i feel horrible about it. now yes, he has done his share of the arguing but i have to live with the way that i act. well two weeks ago he said he wanted a divorce so i went to stay with my parents six hours away thinking that we could use some space. two days after i left he told to come home and pack my stuff up and move out that he wants a divorce and i cant change his mind. he says he wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it with no one to answer to. there has been no infedelity in our relationship just petty arguing. now that weve had some time apart i see the things i could do different in our marriage. and i want to respect him more and make him feel better as a man. i just cant imagine living without him. i cant imagine not ever going to bed without him again. this all makes me sick. i cant eat, cant sleep, im so depressed. he has already sent me seperation papers, i just want to make him feel good and hate myself for ever making him feel bad to the point that he wanted a divorce. i know he loves me and he tells me he does, but he says that we just cant make it work. i want to save our marriage. please help

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By chance, were the two of you physically apart up until 2 months ago, when you separated from the Navy? Was your discharge around the same time the two of you began arguing a lot?

 

Here's the thing. Marriages are all about working together and compromising and learning how to coexist between two sets of boundaries. There's zero room for a mentality like "do what I want to do when I want to do it with no one to answer to." That's the mentality of the bachelor, of a guy who's not yet ready for true commitment.

 

You haven't been married long and presumably you're just now actually living together. If I had to guess, I'd say you're both probably young and this is the first hard reality of what it's like to actually live with a romantic partner. It's understandable to go through that shock, but it's not okay to immediately jump to divorce and telling you to come pack your things. If this is his immediate reaction, then perhaps you're better off doing just that.

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Im sorry but you cant. He has made it clear he wants out. It could be that you are just not compatable. All couples argue about silly things but they dont give up this easily if they are good together as a whole.

 

You probably didnt live together before marriage did you? And now hes realized hes more unhappy then happy..

 

Hes prob wanted out for 6months or more. People dont just wake up one day and decide its over. He has likely been planning this and working up the courage to do it.

 

Im sorry i know it hurts but dont lose your dignity and self respect by begging or making promises etc. If he changes his mind (unlikely) he will let you know.

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Plus his attitude "i do what i want, when i want" shows hes not really marriage material.. and id question his integrity with this attitude.. if this relationship has been long distance up until 2 months ago then you probably dont really know the real him or what hes capable of.

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well your correct the last two months is the first time weve been together every day and night. although we have lived toghether 6 months before we got married and i would leave for two or three weeks here and there. it just doesn't make sense we've had so many good times and love eachother and i can tell he still loves me but its like hes fighting something inside of himself. i always thought that marriage meant working things and and learning to grow together and forgivness. it just makes me so very sad. i love this man with all of my heart. i cant imagine my life without him. i dont think its worth divorce just because we were arguing.

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i always thought that marriage meant working things and and learning to grow together and forgivness. it just makes me so very sad. i love this man with all of my heart. i cant imagine my life without him. i dont think its worth divorce just because we were arguing.

 

Unfortunately, it takes both to want to work things out. You can try as hard as you can and give it your all, but if there's no effort from him it doesn't matter.

 

I'm sorry for how you're feeling, I've been there as the person who wanted to make things work. In the end I did what I had to do and let her go.

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OP some people take marriage seriously like you do and understand the whole concept of team work, ups and downs, good times and bad, not giving up without a fight.. etc

 

then there are idiots like peter barlow (coronation street) who get married like its going out of fashion and bail at the first obstacle each time-either through alcohol, infidelity or throwing in the towel.. these people are just weak. Cannot handle real life, a real relationship, proper commitment.

 

Unfortunately for you-you bagged yourself a peter barlow and you did not recognise the warning signs or red flags coz it was mostly long distance. It was a mistake to marry him. There are better men out there

 

i know your hurting right now and its really hard for you but he is just one chapter in your life. There is much more and much better things in store for you. It takes time but you will be okay. Stay strong

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Alright I give up. Haha, this went too far.

I can totally relate. My husband is in the Army and last month he told me he wanted a divorce. Its fairly similar to your situation, but I'm not in the military. Well, two weeks ago, he came home. If you want to read my story, feel free to stalk me

 

But I felt the same way as you. I knew it wasnt all my fault, he was the one who gave up, but I still wanted to do everything in my power to fix our marriage. I knew I had messed up a LOT and it killed me when I thought about the things I did wrong. I wanted to be able to walk away after the potential divorce, knowing I had done everything I could have done.

 

So I fought tooth and nail. I did it silently and without him being totally aware of it and although we arent perfectly ok, and I think it will take a while to get back there, he came home and hasnt given up yet. My hopes are on the rise again. What helped me the absolute most was this book called "For Better or Best" by... let me go look... Gary Smalley. Its AMAZING. I would read it for hours at a time and take super detailed notes.

 

I would totally leave my husband alone, no texting, nothing. I wouldnt let him see me cry, I acted confident and ok, even though I cried almost constantly from morning until night each day.

 

And he smiles at me again and cuddles me in bed again. It hurt to go through the motions of trying to get him back, but its really working and Im slowly getting less hurt.

 

Hang in there.

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um he kept telling me to leave and i got tiered of it so i did pack all of my things up and moved out. and yes we still talk. he goes from being nice to mean. he says he loves me and this is hurting him but he isnt changing his mind. i dunnoo....hes just messes with my head. i wish i could change the past but i cant and he wont give me the chance to change....he just wnats a divorce

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