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Well. I, for the first time in 2-3 months, logged on Facebook and saw my ex has moved on. I half expected to see that when I checked her page... so I can't say it surprised me too much. I suppose it still sucks none the less. I have to take this opportunity and move on. I don't know why that's always so tough for me. The first time I broke up with her. We broke up for about 4-5 months and in that time I realized I made a mistake. Of course she had already moved on, as she apparently tends to do, when I got back in touch her. I told her what I felt. That I made a terrible mistake and wanted her back in my life. During those 5 months we broke up I couldn't move on. I romanticized the relationship, which if I'm being honest was terrible for me.

 

She eventually left who she was seeing, we got back together for 2-4 months but things were never the same. I could tell her heart wasn't in it. She was going back to school. I went away for a trip and when I came back she told me over the phone it was done. She wanted to focus on school. Being a realist, I knew that wasn't all. If you really want to be with someone you make it work. School, work, they don't stand in the way. But like a fool I guess I hoped to believe her. Looks like about a month after that she got in another relationship. Who knows probably was talking to someone, seeing someone at the end when things weren't working out.

 

I really shouldn't be upset over this. She wasn't right for me. We didn't like the same things. We didn't have much in common. I should be happy for her. I want her to find someone who treats her right, and makes her happy. But there was a big part of me that thought if we both made some sacrifices we could really spend our lives together and be happy. Maybe... what it really boils down to is... it just sucks when your ex is moving on and you're in a rut.

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Ya. I wasn't willing to the first time and that's why I lost her. I guess I gotta forgive myself for that and realize there must have been some underlying reason I wasn't willing to. Hopefully that reason isn't that I'm a selfish ass. I think when I was with her I wanted to be in a relationship... but I wasn't ready to make the sacrifices a good relationship takes. I really just need to get myself in a better place personally... sucks that I had to lose a great girl to realize that.

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Thanks Ms Darcy. You're right. It was one of those... she was perfect on paper kind of relationships. I thought a lot about whether I could spend my life with her and if she was the one... but as they say... you shouldn't have to think about that you should just know. Something was always missing. I guess at this point I just hope it's not something wrong with me. I have this idea of what kind of relationship I want... and my friends seem to tell me I'm being unrealistic. Who knows, maybe that's why I'm still single.

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