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Dealing with Abandonment


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Without getting too much into this again, my girlfriend of two and a half years left me three months ago. Last week she married a man she has known for three months, claiming he is her soulmate.

 

Anyways, I am having a lot of trouble. She was by best friend and biggest confidant. We knew everything about each other. I never imagined planning my future without her. I made the mistake of building my life around her.

 

But now I can't get back on track. I live at home with only my Dad. We have no other family. I am 22 and commute back and forth to college everyday. I have the only functioning vehicle and my Dad is disabled and very lonely most of the time, so he tends to be smothering. We don't have much money...

 

She always knew how to make me feel better about my life and gave me the strength to keep going. But now she is gone. I know I should focus on myself but I can't for some reason. I just feel lonely and stuck.

 

So now I'm confused, lonely, overwhelmed, and sad. The guy she married is 27 and in the military so I guess he can provide things for her that I never could. That makes me feel bad about myself.

 

It's hard without her here...

 

I'm sorry to keep posting on here but I don't have many other outlets. Mostly I wanted to get this out. Any support or ideas are welcomed.

 

Thank you for reading

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I made the mistake of building my life around her.

 

This is key, and it is really good that you realize this mistake. Don't make it again. Start building the life you want for yourself. Focus on yourself and your goals, and once you brush yourself off from this a little bit and start to see some progress, you'll be feeling great.

 

Do you take your dad out and do things with him or do you guys just hang out at home?

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This is key, and it is really good that you realize this mistake. Don't make it again. Start building the life you want for yourself. Focus on yourself and your goals, and once you brush yourself off from this a little bit and start to see some progress, you'll be feeling great.

 

Do you take your dad out and do things with him or do you guys just hang out at home?

 

I take him out sometimes but mostly we stay at home. I think it would help me to be alone but that is not an option right now.

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Honestly I haven't thought about it that much. I have been trying to hang out with friends more. Tried to focus on my studies. But right now we are on break.

 

Do you think it's something you should think about? It's been 3 months--which isn't all that long, but long enough to at least start along the path of recovering. Wouldn't you agree?

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yes exactly what GinNJuice said. you're like a straight arrow that's curved for a woman, and now straightening that line is a challenge.

 

you are a creature that can adapt like no other. date a girl for a while, you adapt to dating, be single for a while, you adapt to being single.

 

remember that every moment of your life right now will determine how you feel in the next moment.

find something that you can fall in love with, but don't pick a woman, pick a craft. you know how sexy it is when a man shows passion for his work? his craft? women start to desire that attention for themselves.

it's good that you realize you don't feel well, but now you need to start the treatment. pamper yourself. plan your days out and make yourself feel like a god. work on yourself like a temple. you're still very very young, and learned from this experience. and she's not out of your life, she just made decisions that you don't like. that's it!

keep your mind busy! start playing chess or something with your dad. you can decide right now, and in every moment, whether you want to sulk, or nut up.

 

you'll know you love yourself when you feel awesome just chilling alone.

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There is nothing more people can do for you Firefly. Everyone said what they think it's right and you agreed. You're the one who's allowing her memories haunt you. Yes I know a break up is hard, especially in your situation, but you're the one who needs the right mindset. It's time to shake yourself and stop thinking about her.

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There is nothing more people can do for you Firefly. Everyone said what they think it's right and you agreed. You're the one who's allowing her memories haunt you. Yes I know a break up is hard, especially in your situation, but you're the one who needs the right mindset. It's time to shake yourself and stop thinking about her.

 

I know. That's why I said I was mostly just venting because I needed it. Posting here helps me to feel better.

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I think you need to start being a bit more selfish. Join some meetup groups. Hook up with some students at your school. Start having a life outside school and taking care of your dad.

 

Good advice thank you. I can tell I am getting better because I am not down in the dumps all the time. Sometimes I feel like conquering the world which is more than I can say I felt over the last three months. I just like to post here to feel not so alone and advice like this helps.

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One thing that is helping me immensely right now is hitting the gym - endorphins are wonderful at times like these!

 

You also mention the feeling that this dude is able to provide things that you can't currently...the word "currently" is an important one to add to that thought. You're currently in school and working toward the day where you'll have that. And you know what? No woman who is hung up on what you can provide without being willing to put in her fair share is worthless, whether you're rich or poor.

 

You're 22 yrs old. I'd never in a MILLION years try to downplay the pain that you're feeling right now. I'll only say that it's a great big life you've got ahead in which this story will be but a chapter (or a part of a chapter).

 

As many wise people here have said already, become hungry for what interests you. Find ways to express kindnesses to people, big and small. GET YOUR REST, as best you can. Exercise. Know that, though it may seem impossible to believe right now, this will get better.

 

Three months seems like a good time for things to start turning a corner naturally...don't forget to update us when you feel that turn.

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