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No Idea What To Do - Girls Help


AGJase

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I've had a crush on this girl for a few months now. I'm recently out of a long relationship which she knows. I tried to get to know her when I went through a short break up last year. I had the green light from my friend who said she was excited and thought I was cute. But when I messaged her she said she didn't want to talk because she was friends with my ex, which is BS. Anyway I got back with my ex and it ended for good this summer. About a month after I tried to get in contact with her again through DM's and we swapped numbers.

 

She warned me that she's a horrible texter and doesn't text back, and her friends confirmed it. We texted for a few weeks then I asked if she was seeing anyone and she said no, then from there she went cold on me. Didn't text back or wouldn't keep the conversation going. So I asked her friends about it and they said she felt pressured, so I sent her a long text apologizing if I made her feel that way. Of course, no response so that's where that ended for a few months. I would occasionally send her a message a couple of months online after that, sometimes she would respond short and other times not at all.

 

Then about a month after nothing, she starts coming around in person with my group of friends. She is best friends with one of my friend’s girlfriends but she never would go to anything with us. So after a couple times of her showing up I noticed how she would look at me and I tried to ignore it. It was confusing to me because this is the same person that would not respond to anything I texted or messaged her, but yet she seemed to kinda like me. So finally after hearing from all my friends that I should ask her out I decided I would.

 

Then after deciding I would I didn’t see her for a few weeks. The timing was horrible and I had lost all momentum from the times she would come around. Then she texted me out of nowhere one night asking for some help on birthday plans for my friend. No idea why she asked me out of everybody we know. So finally a couple of weeks ago we hung out in a small group like twice in three days. I called her up two days later and asked her out, she replied saying she didn’t know but that she would call me the next day after work to let me know. So she called me the next day and asked if I meant like a date or like everybody hang out. She knew what I meant but I went along with it and told her just the two of us. She then said that she’s not ready to date or be in a relationship and she doesn’t want to lead me on. But she said that I was cool and we could go out as friends still, so I said yeah.

 

Well we went out to eat and it went good, got to know each other pretty good. But in the back of my mind I didn’t know how to process everything since it wasn’t a date. I also kept telling myself that she wouldn’t have gone out with me at all if she didn’t like me like that in some way. My friend keeps telling me that I’m good and to just be patient because I’m always trying to rush things. I feel like she’s maybe being cautious with me since I’m older and I just had a long relationship or maybe I should just be friends with her and see where it goes. I mean after every weird thing that has happened between us she still went out with me so that counts for something. It’s really hard to tell where she’s at and I don’t like feeling like I have to be careful. I’m really into her but I feel like if I’m too straight forward with her about how I feel everything will explode again and I won’t see her at all. I want to hang out or go out with her again but idk if that’s an ok thing to ask or do. It’s been a week since that time we went out and we haven’t communicated. I’m going to be patient since I have nothing but time, but just need some female perspective on what you think is going on and what I should do. Also is it ok to ask her to hang out again?

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She said she's not ready. Your friends are not being honest. You just need to listen to what she told you and stop pressuring her to date you. Don't waste your time.

 

Agree with this! She knows you are interested in more than friends and is being honest! Don't ask her out. Enjoy her company when she is with the friend group.

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Agree with this! She knows you are interested in more than friends and is being honest! Don't ask her out. Enjoy her company when she is with the friend group.

Ok thanks. But why then would she go out with me? Why not just say I don't like you like in that way or something?

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Ok thanks. But why then would she go out with me? Why not just say I don't like you like in that way or something?

 

She told you that she is not looking for a relationship - she is only looking for friends. It comes accross as rude sometimes to say "I don't like you in that way." She told you right now in general, she wants to be single. It doesn't matter if you are you or Brad Pitt. If you were down with hanging around her as just friends, she is fine with that - but she headed you off at the pass to make sure you knew it wasn't a date.

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Being too keen in dating her and telling your friends which most likely has reached her ears, well, that sounds like pressure. Ive been in her shoes and I totally understand her. It got to the point where I stopped hanging out with my friends as much. well the club and bar scenes.

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She told you that she is not looking for a relationship - she is only looking for friends. It comes accross as rude sometimes to say "I don't like you in that way." She told you right now in general, she wants to be single. It doesn't matter if you are you or Brad Pitt. If you were down with hanging around her as just friends, she is fine with that - but she headed you off at the pass to make sure you knew it wasn't a date.

Is that a bad thing long term? Or you think she wants to see how I react and if I'm laid back and cool with everything. You think there's a chance for me eventually when she might want to date again

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Also I feel like girls are never ready to date or be in a relationship. I feel like that is their excuse for guys they don't like or are kinda on the fence with. When they really like a guy then all that "not ready" stuff goes out the window. From what I've seen, hardly ever do they go back to a guy and are like "hey I'm ready now." I highly doubt I'm ever going to know when she's ready, and when she is ready I'm sure it won't be because of me. It will be because she met a guy who she wants to date, therefore in her mind making her "ready." But definitely no pressure. I haven't been telling my friends that are close her anything lately. So I don't feel like I'm pressuring her, and I was ok with just going out as friends so no pressure there either. And I haven't contacted her since we went out so no pressure there either. That's why I'm looking for some help on how to make her feel ok with me so maybe I'm that guy who makes her feel ready.

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Then you meet one who is ready to date. You go to speed dating. You meet on a dating site with the women who are looking "for a relationship" or "dating" and then its a matter if you are a match or not and not that they just aren't looking to date. Or you can look at all women as playing games and just telling guys they don't want relationships.

 

Most girls don't go back to a guy and say they are ready because time passes, the guy leaves their life an they end up meeting other people.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Interesting responses! I've read these responses and other responses on other threads and the general feeling and feedback that people give is negative. Apparently there's no optimism for any situation that anyone throws out. Just thought I should say that.

 

Anyway I went out again with this same girl and we spent most of the day together. It took some persistence as we were supposed to hang a couple of weeks ago, but since that time I told her I liked her and just wanted to make sure she was comfortable hanging out with me. She still made it clear she's not ready for anything and not to have any expectations.

 

So we went out with her knowing all this still, does that count for anything?

 

Also she shared a drink (shake) with me, does that mean anything to anybody?

 

So she's comfortable with me and I'm not sure if she likes me, but I'm guessing she is a little attracted but she sure doesn't give out any signs or hints of anything in that kind of manner.

Would like to see the opinions and responses from people now. I know I'm in a better place than when I last commented here. And if I would have listened to the people here then I wouldn't be in the position I am today.

 

But still I know my persistence is genuine and I hope she's starting to see that. Just dreading being trapped in the friend zone, but those questions I posed are the things that make me think otherwise.

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