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Not exchanging gifts. What would you do?

lovinmenow

By lovinmenow
in Dating Advice

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lovinmenow Rookie

lovinmenow

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My boyfriend of four months asked me if it would be ok if we did not exchange Christmas gifts this year because he just cannot afford it. I told him that was fine because I really cannot afford to get anyone anything except for my kids.

 

Last night we were talking and he said that he needed to start his Christmas shopping and listed the people he had to buy for, his mom, sister, his two adult boys and his soon to be ex-wife???? I am pretty sure that I may have whiplash from how fast I turned to look at him as if he had lost his mind!

 

I didn’t say anything to him but this really bothers me. I don’t care if it is a $1.00 pack of gum but for him to say he does not want for us to exchange gifts but he is going to get his ex-wife something?

What would you do? Would you say anything?

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dangletsbang Enthusiast

dangletsbang

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My son's father and I are split up...i'm currently in a relationship with a guy whom i've been with for about 3 months. I normally get my son's father some little something so that my son can give his dad something 'from' him. So him getting her a gift wouldn't bother me but the fact that he's not wanting to get you anything or exchange gifts after 4 months would be a red flag to me. He's definitely prioritizing her over you and I wouldn't be okay with that.

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mhowe Proficient

mhowe

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My son's father and I are split up...i'm currently in a relationship with a guy whom i've been with for about 3 months. I normally get my son's father some little something so that my son can give his dad something 'from' him. So him getting her a gift wouldn't bother me but the fact that he's not wanting to get you anything or exchange gifts after 4 months would be a red flag to me. He's definitely prioritizing her over you and I wouldn't be okay with that.

 

Small children---- fine, get that.

His kids are ADULTS.

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mhowe Proficient

mhowe

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The moment hasn't passed. You say ---

"the other night you mentioned your Xmas shopping and as we had had a conversation about it, I was stunned....and literally couldn't find the words to speak."

 

Found them. Speak them.

 

Your passive attitude towards this makes me think this is not unusual. That sweeping problems under the rug is normal --- because you don't want to "lose" him.

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missmarple Grand Master

missmarple

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Ok, some people buy small gifts for literally everyone they know (my best friend is one of those people) so, I wouldn't mind about the soon to be ex wife's gift. If they're on good terms, why not? BUT getting something (however small) for your ex and nothing for your current girlfriend, no, that's very odd. Let us know what he says when you talk to him about it...I'm curious what excuse he's going to come up with!

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waffle Mentor

waffle

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I wish I would have said something when he said it. I feel like the moment has passed now.

 

I totally know what you mean. It always has more "punch" if you can address it right then, but sometimes you're just so stunned that you literally can't think of anything to say. This happens to me all the time, unfortunately. But yeah, don't let it fester. You need to address it. Not that it will change anything; I mean, the damage is already done. I can't imagine any answer he could give at this point that would make things OK.

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Kendahke Apprentice

Kendahke

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I would think that he's not as invested, emotionally, in you as you are in him.

 

And yes, I would say that to him and show him the door, telling him when he feels like making that investment, that you'll hear him out.

 

I could understand if he had to placate a nutso ex because his children were babies, but not when they're grown. No, he's still invested in her.

 

I'm not buying the guy I"m seeing a gift--I'm writing a series of short, romantic/erotic poems and short stories and doing the artwork for it and printing it up in a small book form on my printer. Yeah, I could go buy him something, but I didn't want to buy him something he could get for himself already--I wanted to give him something no one else has. It's the thought that counts, not the amount one spends.

 

Your guy is telling you that he has no thoughts in that area, period.

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

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If he is still technically married, he is not getting you anything because she would know about it.

 

i see no problem with a parent buying something for their children - NO MATTER the age of the children - an limited to that.

 

At 4 months, a nice Christmas gift would even be flowers or a plant.

 

I would tell this guy to call you after he is divorce and ready to seriously date.

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QWit Apprentice

QWit

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He and I actually had plans for me to stay at his house all next week and we were going to cook Christmas dinner together and watch movies after he got home from doing Christmas with his ex and kids.

 

If you don't get up and read between the lines.. He is totally playing you.. This is definitely a player move.. He is not divorced and you are being used.. You should probably make plans to spend Christmas somewhere else (without him of course).

 

Also, how are you going to have a username of "LOVINMEnow" when you are allowing this guy to use you.. That's not showing love for yourself..

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